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Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

 
 
Mame
 
Reply Sat 14 Oct, 2006 12:42 pm
I met a camel with no humps, so I named him Humphrey.

How do you kill a circus? You go for the juggler.

Didja hear about the new restaurant on the moon? It's got great food, but no atmosphere.

Remember alcohol and calculus don't mix so don't drink and derive.

I'm addicted to placebos. I'd give them up but it wouldn't make any difference.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 179 • Views: 414,212 • Replies: 6,427

 
Merry Andrew
 
  5  
Reply Sat 14 Oct, 2006 10:16 pm
I'm sure you've heard about the dyslexic who walked into a bra.

He also sold his soul to Santa.
gustavratzenhofer
 
  3  
Reply Sat 14 Oct, 2006 10:24 pm
Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
0 Replies
 
Merry Andrew
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Oct, 2006 10:26 pm
That's funny, Gus. You're supposed to tell really bad jokes.
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  2  
Reply Sat 14 Oct, 2006 10:29 pm
Ok. Two guys walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "Why the long face?"

It turns out the bartender was a horse.
0 Replies
 
Lord Ellpus
 
  3  
Reply Sat 14 Oct, 2006 10:40 pm
Man "Doc, I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains"

Doc "Pull yourself together, man"
0 Replies
 
JLNobody
 
  2  
Reply Sat 14 Oct, 2006 10:43 pm
How about: A penguin walked into a bar and asked if anyone had seen his uncle. The bartender asked "What does he look like?"
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Oct, 2006 10:54 pm
We have a winner.
0 Replies
 
timberlandko
 
  4  
Reply Sat 14 Oct, 2006 11:01 pm
Q: Whaddaya call a boomerang that don't come back?





A: A stick.
JLNobody
 
  4  
Reply Sat 14 Oct, 2006 11:09 pm
You think those were bad. How about this?
The doctor comes out into the waiting room for the next patient. He's shocked to see a man sitting there with a frog growing out of his head. The doctor's cries, "Oh my god, how did that happen?"
The frog answered "I don't know; it began as a pimple on my butt."
Mame
 
  3  
Reply Sat 14 Oct, 2006 11:57 pm
What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
Damn! Sh!t! Ouch!


Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
Mame
 
  3  
Reply Sat 14 Oct, 2006 11:57 pm
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, unique up on it.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  4  
Reply Sat 14 Oct, 2006 11:58 pm
How are a texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?

Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.
0 Replies
 
kickycan
 
  8  
Reply Sat 14 Oct, 2006 11:59 pm
Three strings walk into a bar. The first string says confidently, "I've got the first round, boys," and strides up to the bar. Bartender says, "Are you a string?" String says, "Yeah." Bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve strings here." String returns to his buddies, red-faced. "Looks like we aren't getting drinks after all, boys."

String #2 steps up and says, "Don't worry, I'll take care of this." He glides up, drops a twenty on the bar and shouts, "Three whiskeys for me and my buddies, friend!" Bartender looks him up and down, takes his twenty, and says, "Are you a string?" String #2 stands there dumbstruck, unable to even form even the simplest of replies. Bartender says, "Listen, pal, like I told your friend over there, we don't serve strings. Now, beat it."

"Well," says String #2 to his buddies, "That's that. It's over. Let's just go."

But just then, String #3 has an idea. He ties himself up in a big knot, frays the ends of himself with his pocketknife, and sidles up to the bar. "I'd like three whiskeys, please." Bartender looks at him and says, "Are you a string?"

"No" he says to the bartender, "I'm a frayed knot."
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 15 Oct, 2006 12:01 am
I may have to strive to remember my one sort of joke -









sorry, I forgot it.
0 Replies
 
kickycan
 
  4  
Reply Sun 15 Oct, 2006 12:06 am
Two flies are sitting on a piece of crap.

One farts, the other one goes, "Hey, do you mind? I'm trying to EAT!"
echi
 
  1  
Reply Sun 15 Oct, 2006 12:10 am
What does Coca Cola have in common with King Kong?



they both come in liters
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  3  
Reply Sun 15 Oct, 2006 01:05 am

What did the outlet say to the cord?
Socket to me, baby...

What do you call a running chicken?
Poultry in motion...

What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint?
Both crews were marooned...
0 Replies
 
dadpad
 
  2  
Reply Sun 15 Oct, 2006 01:40 am
Whats long, brown and sticky?










A stick
0 Replies
 
dadpad
 
  4  
Reply Sun 15 Oct, 2006 01:42 am
What did santa say when the bottom fell out of his sleigh
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