Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Lustig Andrei
Reply Thu 29 Nov, 2012 06:45 pm
Love those, edgar, love 'em. I would never consider them bad jokes.
Reply Thu 29 Nov, 2012 06:46 pm
@Lustig Andrei,
This is the thread to get lots of hits. I want everybody to read that one.
0 Replies
NSFW (view)
Reply Fri 30 Nov, 2012 03:33 am
Guess what? Nobody gives a ****.
0 Replies
Region Philbis
Reply Mon 3 Dec, 2012 06:40 pm

Reply Tue 4 Dec, 2012 06:34 pm
@Region Philbis,
An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Doberman thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep trouble now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly,

"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old Doberman sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says .......

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"
0 Replies
Reply Tue 4 Dec, 2012 09:49 pm
An older lady was lonely and decided that she needed a pet to keep her company. So off to the pet shop she went. Forlornly, she searched. Nothing seemed to catch her interest, except this one ugly frog. As she walked by the barrel he was in, he looked up and winked at her! He whispered, "I'm lonely, too. Buy me, and you won't be sorry." The old lady figured what the heck, as she hadn't found anything else. So, she bought the frog and went to her car. Driving down the road the frog whispered to her, "Kiss me, and you won't be sorry." So, the old lady figured what the heck, and kissed the frog. Immediately the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy young prince. Then the prince kissed her back, and you know what the old lady turned into? The first motel she could find. (She's old, not dead!)
Reply Tue 4 Dec, 2012 11:08 pm
If you get an email warning you of carcinogens in canned ham, just delete it.

It's spam.
Reply Wed 5 Dec, 2012 08:24 am
My snail wasn't doing well in any of the snail-races into which he was entered. So I removed his shell to make him more aerodynamic. Hasn't worked though - if anything, it's made him more sluggish.
Reply Wed 5 Dec, 2012 09:34 am
How do you get email spike? I never get any.
0 Replies
Lustig Andrei
Reply Wed 5 Dec, 2012 04:28 pm
A group of small creatures in the forest were talking about their dreams and wishes and wildest hopes. When it came the snail's turn, he said, "I'd like to have a really super-fast sports car, bright red, with the letter S painted on the sides and top. Then I'd drive it at top speeds all over the place."

The others were somewhat puzzled. Finally, the turtle said, "I can understand your desire for speed, my friend. I'm pretty slow and pokey myself and would like to move faster. But I don't understand why the letter S. What's up with that?"

And the snail said: "Because I'd love to hear you all yelling, 'Look at that S-car go!'"
Reply Wed 5 Dec, 2012 04:35 pm
@Lustig Andrei,
Ok, Andy, that one is piquant in a couple of ways.
0 Replies
Reply Wed 5 Dec, 2012 10:32 pm
0 Replies
Reply Fri 7 Dec, 2012 07:09 pm
An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up.

The old man turns to his wife and says "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares."
Reply Fri 7 Dec, 2012 08:22 pm
0 Replies
Region Philbis
Reply Thu 13 Dec, 2012 08:29 pm

Reply Fri 14 Dec, 2012 12:22 am
@Region Philbis,
cicerone imposter
Reply Sat 15 Dec, 2012 01:33 pm
This guy walks into a bar and says, "give me a mug of suds." So the bartender goes into the kitchen and brings back a mug full of dishwater.
Reply Sat 15 Dec, 2012 01:56 pm
@cicerone imposter,
I got a terrible one for you.

A tire fitter had a job on a building site, the foreman gave him a cuppa whilst he fixed the JCB, when it was all finished, and the foreman returned for his cup... The tire fitter could not produce it. He blamed a worker for taking it whilst he was not looking, he left with the words...

"Oh, these new dunlop tend to wear in noisily, though the anti-micro hole sand inside is marvelous"
Reply Sat 15 Dec, 2012 02:17 pm

Police were called to a daycare centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

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