Why Does A Manipulative Lying over 45 yr old Man Waste Almost 4 yrs, With A Decent Woman

Would you go out with a man who told you he used pornography?

No I would not.
And some man should not try to control my decision, and show me disrespect, by lying... Then continue lying to cover up the first lies... Men who do this are just wasting everyone's time, and need to just grow up, and be a real man!!

There is your problem.

The men who tell you they don't ever look at porn are liars. If you don't want to date a liar, you are going to have to get over your problem with porn.

A real man would be honest with you. But you apparently don't want a real man.

I said a man who manipulates by lies, is not a real man.

Also your welcome to look at as much porn as you want, as that is so very important to you, that you lost sight that the foremost issue, is LYING, and I can't TRUST him... poor woman that your with knows and just accepts it as a man thing... I have a right to be disgusted personally, and distrustful, when a man is in a committed relationship, and hides the fact, that he wants to troll the whores, while with me. If he's honest, then I'm making a knowledgeable decision, as is my right.

We are both over 45, and I will not be in a disrespectful relationship...

Your most likely much younger, and haven't realized how fake and superficial porn is..

I agree with you about the lying. This would be a problem to me in a relationship as well. You have two choices either work things out or leave this guy. It sounds like you are going to leave this guy.

My question is about your next relationship.

If I understand your initial post correctly your judgmental attitude toward pornography has now ruined at least two of your relationships. Have you considered the possibility that maybe you are wrong about this?

A healthy relationship means you have to accept another person as they are. If you insist on unbending and unrealistic expectations, you will never find a person who meets them (and the people who appear to meet them will be liars).

ok, you won't date a man who looks at porn, ever. Check.

If you ask a man if he ever looks at porn, ever, and he says no, never, he's most likely lying. Check.

You don't want to date a liar. Check.

A persons definition of porn can vary all the way from images of people having sex, to people just being naked, to people being scantily clad, etc. Check.

So....do you also want this man not to ever think about naked people either having sex or not? Or is it just permissable for him to think about you naked and having sex, or it that not allowed in his brain either?

Peoples brains make up the best pornography ever.



This is Eliusa, isn't it?

I should have known better than to ask men, and refer to their favorite pastime... Males will notice nothing except, someone critisizing, their soulmate, PORN... Would either of you let your girlfriend/wife, sister, or mom even go on your computer... and risk them seeing the filth you fill your minds with? Do you guys go on those naked sex hookup sites and flirt with emails, while either married or in a committed relationship?

A person can't go on the internet, watch any show, or movie for an hr without seeing scantilly dressed females.... sex sells, I understand that. Boys get bombarded with sexualized images very early. That can't count as porn otherwise no male, over the age of five, would be safe.

My ex husband admitted to porn, turning into an addiction... And it's proven that porn is super addictive, and harder core stuff must be added continuously, to keep the viewers interest.
The lies, that go with that, is something I'll not deal with again....

And I told my soon to be ex, that lying and blatant porn was not anything I wanted, in my next relationship, after dating a few weeks. I didn't ask him if he ever looked at porn, because what he may or may not have done ever in his past, on that topic, would not be my concern...

I'm a woman.

And you are all over the place with this.

Good luck to you.

Wow! you really have an issue with this, don't you.

Most real men (i.e. men in the real world) watch porn on occasion. I think according to studies at least 85% of real men watch porn at least once or twice a year. And yet, most real men have perfectly fine relationships with wives, girlfriends, sisters and/or mothers.

You say you want a real man, and yet you seem to despise real men. I imagine it will be quite difficult for you to have any healthy relationship with a real man until you sort this conflict out.

I am a woman too and I would not have any trouble with men looking at porn as long as I am not neglected. What's the threat to you? Are you this insecure that you think you have to compete with porn stars? I hope not!

Lot's of men look at porn, men are differently wired than women, they get stimulated by watching porn - most women couldn't care less, but it doesn't mean they have to stop because you are not interested.

If you base a relationship on men watching porn, you have bigger problems than them. You should find out what it is you're threatened by and why you are so terribly against it.

Now, if he's lying (and cheating) that's an entire different subject and if you lose your trust because of it, I can see the implication. Watching porn shouldn't be the reason though!

ok, true confessions time....

Jane, you said something that struck a chord with me, about not being neglected.

My husband, as you know, has some health problems. Between that, and the medications he has to take, well, let's just say that sometimes the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak....

Ahem...he has found that watching something racy gives him the extra, oomph he needs to get the motor running.

If it wasn't for that, I would be feeling neglected. So, for anyone to make a blanket statement that porn (again, what is an individuals definition, some people may consider a girl in a bikini pornographic. It's not for the OP to define for everyone, or anyone, what porn is) is bad, is not looking at the situation.


BTW, I'm wondering what the OP's definition of "a decent woman" is.

We need to get a few terms defined before having an intelligent discussion.

You see chai, you're not neglected and that's the main concern we should have. Who cares what he does when you're not around or occupied with other things as long as your relationship is intact in every aspect there is.

"decent woman" ? I think we all are, aren't we?

Wow, I'm really surprised... I should definately not have used the word PORN...everyone seems to see that word, and doesn't read anything else. Are all of you ok with the person your with being on multiple Dating Sites, and flirting in a sexual way in messages? These are one night stand, naked women, looking for sex sites, and yeah I have a problem with it. It shows a lack of commitment, whether its naked dating or just plain old regular dating sites. You people say I'm judgemental, yet you are so quick to make this my issue.

He's lied about so many different things, is on the control freak side and tempermental, not only with me but my kids, so no it's not your precious pornagraphy, or potential cheating, that is my only trust issue with this man.

Well, it is your issue, isn't it?

It's certainly none of ours.

Is he going to dating sites or was it porn sites? they're quite different in intent.

since you already know the problems that porn viewing can lead to, and already had a bad relationship experience as a result, why didn't you ask about it?

I guess "naked sex hookup sites" are the same as dating sites, in the OP's mind.

I kinda like that "naked sex hookup sites" I guess that's as opposed to "hole in the sheet sex hookup sites".

I'm curious how he was caught. Did he tell you?

Also - this relationship is apparently nearly four years old - these two events were two years ago.

Why is it an issue now?

Okay, that's different - dating sites with the intent to meet someone for sex is different in my book as opposed to watching porn to get stimulated.

The bottom line is, if you have trust issues and cannot trust your partner,
then what good does the relationship do? You have to cut him lose and I would suggest you seek counseling for yourself, just to work through the
disappointment you've had with two partners now and to learn how to
spot the pattern before you enter a relationship.