Why Does A Manipulative Lying over 45 yr old Man Waste Almost 4 yrs, With A Decent Woman

Jane, she never said a word about dating sites until that post. Up until then she just went on about naked sex hookup sites, then saying she was sorry she asked men (mistakenly) because they didn't give her the answer she wanted. Than she said she was sorry she used the word porn, for whatever reason it was.

The story keeps changing, and us without our crystal balls.

I seriously think this is Eliusa. It sounds just like her.

I think that you are angry at yourself for 1) picking the wrong man again, 2) not seeing those boundries you set for yourself clear enough when choosing this partner.

Did you think that 43 was old? And, just because you "told" him why your marriage didn't work, that you didn't have to make it clear that if he was to be anything simular you would not stay?

I can only imagine that you snooped one day and found your husband looking at porn. That, you thought you were sexy enough to look at, engaged in enough "sex" so couldn't see why on earth he would want to look at that, let alone the fact that it means "other women" or does it?

Then you googled until your heart was content. It's highly addictive. knowledge is power. So after kicking him to the curb you ensured in your mind you would never, ever, go out with anyone that watched porn.

But like I said, all you did was "tell" this boyfriend what occurred in your marriage and why you left. He may very well have stated it didn't interest him, he may very well have lied. But that was it. That was all you were looking at ensuring wasn't in your life this time. You missed the controlling, the cheating, the dating sites, you missed his character totally. And, so... you entered again into the wrong relationship.

So this time "knowledgeispower" you checked the computer and yep, porn and worse, dating sites, naked photos, probably messages back and forth. And, again, why? He said I was sexy. I don't know it's in his blood? You didn't have enough "intimacy" in loving ways, rather sex... You constantly monitored him to check to make sure he wasn't looking at porn like your ex? You fought over things and didn't have much of a communication line? Or he was just wanting "someone" in his life, settled and so did you and it was a bad match.

What you are missing is this. You think knowledge is power. You will catch them. You have zero trust issues due to your ex-husband, you think that by entering a relationship with zero trust issues you will still succeed providing they don't watch porn. Not so. Trust is the key to any relationship.

You miss, the warning signs and carry on in a dating situation turning it into a relationship that you don't want.

You snoop and google and snoop and google.. which has to eat you alive.

Go and get closure on your past marriage and realise 45 is not old. Set yourself your exact boundries of what you want in life for you and your children. Make things clear of what those boundries are and read the signs, date longer instead of falling into a relationship that's wrong for you and quit snooping, seek help on trust issues and get on with your life.

If it is her, she be tearing me to bits in her reply

I would say "OK, I hear ya. That does not work for me, make sure you lose my number. Bye".


https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/77-percent-of-americans-view-porn-once-a-month

A woman who is not interested in a man's needs, who says "if you want to be with me you cant do what 77% of people do at least once a month...ever!" is not a real woman. She is a controlling insecure bitch.

That's why I have a European guy, there they watch porn 100 %,
not a diddly 77 %

It seems to me that women considering porn to be a threat to the relationship is a lot like men in the past considering sex toys a threat. Men got over it. I am willing to listen to all of these therapists claiming that porn is often a problem in relationships, but so far it looks to me like their idea of sex being " a problem" is exactly like their idea of alcohol being a problem....if your significant other thinks it is a problem then it is a problem by definition. In other words the entire extent of the problem by definition can be all in a womans head.

That does not work for me.

You don't have to live with her!

Joke aside, anything goes in a relationship as long as both partners pull at the same string, if one is not willing to overlook the other's "vice" so to speak, all bets are off. It basically becomes an issue of either accepting it if the partner is worth fighting for, or getting out! It's as simple as that!

Max...you can't speak for all men. If the woman made it clear it's not something she wants then, so be it. No need to lie. There are also plenty of women who look at porn daily!! It doesn't make them more likely to cheat or be disloyal ..nor does it if it's a man. The point is they don't see this subject the same way. She's entitled to honesty still.

Basically. We all have flaws. THe test is are the flaws of the person across the table ones you can live with. If not then leave. Lying gets no where, as does thinking you have the power to force the other person to act like you want. Sometimes you can influence the other, but on matters of the erotic rarely I think. The soul is going to have what the soul wants, one way or another, as Jung and Freud pointed out. Repression is a dangerous tactic, as it leads to uncontrollable explosions.

and he is entitled to requests upon him to be reasonable.

Yep. You go looking for trouble, you're sure to find it.

I think you, CJ and I have learned long ago to choose what hills to die on.

This sure wouldn't be one of them.

Peace is so much better, and you can only find that within yourself.

Reasonable when it comes to sex is in the eye of the beholder;-). Lies however are wrong no matter what.

Amen sister!!

well said.

I agree generally so far as intimate relationship goes. I do note however that the sociologists claim that the collective cant function without lies. I also know that the human brain is designed to sift out large amounts of truth, because I presume we cant handle too much truth. I have over the years become less of a fundamentalist about truth all the time no matter what in intimate relationship. We can start with " how do I look?" and " do you mind if I...?"

So true...if I ask that question I expect a good lie as far as how I look anyway But--we all have a bottom line. It's different for all. Some people view pornography as a form of cheating...I don't have to agree, but--it's not right nor wrong. It is what it is.

Yep and we are all around the same youthful age

If only we could convert huh....

FS, CJ, ehBeth & Chai on their way to the XXX movie house.

When I turned 21, I insisted to go to a live strip show and a porn in a movie theater (that was before internet). I had three male friends with me and we had a blast - yet, after that I never saw the need for a repeat!

There are plenty of guys out there who need that fix, and who are we to judge ? I rather have them go to a porn movie - internet today, instead of stalking or raping women for real.