Should I go? Husband caught with porn again, again, and again over the course of 8years

I caught my husband watching porn again... And again and again

In my previous 8 year relationship with my boyfriend, I caught him watching porn. And found a profile with naked girls he added as friends, living in the same city. We tried to work it out but we eventually broke up.

My husband and I got together a few years later and we were such a good match. I told him what happened with my ex and that the whole porn episode hurt me and that it lead to a breakup. I also told him how porn hurt my mother in my parents relationship and how she did not feel good enough. He told me how he completely disapproved of that behavior and that he could not believe that they could do something like that to hurt the one they loved.

I went away for a week and when I came back I later discovered on a later date that he watched porn when I was not there. I was deeply hurt and he told me how he would never do something like that again.

We got married and everything was great. We had our first baby and our second. Then I caught him where he wanked in the shower....even though I was there all the time. It broke my heart. On other occasions the bathroom door was locked while he was showering and when I wanted to go in he said that he wanted some privacy and he would unlock the door... But did not open immediately. I also remember once that he came into the room from the shower and I could sèe that he still had a semi.... I was very excited and when I touched him and came closer he was not interested and said that he was not in the mood...because his boner was disappearing after he had a wank. He apologized and said he would never do stuff behind my back again.

A few years later I found some pics he viewed on a photo platform under the 'adult' category. The hardcore pics could not be accessed but some of the others were girls in lingerie. I was devastated and wanted to leave with our two kids (we were thinking of having a 3d baby at the time). I could not believe that I trusted him. I packed my bags. The kids were crying and it felt like my whole world was collapsing. He pleaded that I should not leave he said over and over how much he loved me and how much our family meant to him. He said that he will shower me with love and give me loads of affection. I told him that he had enough chances and he pleaded (on his knees) for just one more and said that he will never ever do it again and that he will work for my trust even if he have to work for it for the rest of our lives. He even proposed that I could check his phone whenever I wanted. But I did not want to feel that I had to

A year went by and we did have a third child. I constantly had a issue with trust. When he was in the shower I would come in, when he was in the bathroom for too long I would go and chat to him through the door or message him and ask why he was taking so long. I hated it to feel like this paranoid police woman all the time.

And now last night I had a talk with my husband that I felt the need to connect with him and I felt that he just wanted to watch Netflix or be on his phone, sometimes instead of wanting to have sex. He put away the laptop and irritable asked me what I wanted to do. I said that I just want to go to sleep after I heard how irritable he was. He just went to sleep. No goodnight kiss and did not hold me for the rest of the night. The next morning baby cried and I went to the other room to breastfeed her. Just as I settled in I heard my husband getting up. I thought that he was coming to me to give me a good morning kiss or just to cuddle with me after my bid for connection the previous night. But he went into the study with his laptop and shut the door. Maybe 10 minutes later my toddler woke up and he was crying. He was looking for me and went into the study. My husband rudely told him to go out because he was working. Right after that I went in and surprise... He was looking at porn again. On his work laptop.... And he tried to hide it from me then lied and said that I did not see any other pages. He then realized that I busted him and confessed. I completely broke Dow. And now he is telling me how sorry he is, that he will not do it again and that I should give him one last chance and think of our family and the kids. I promises not to do it ever again and again he pleaded with me not to leave. Yes, this is my life.

Needless to say, I am feeling hurt, scared, unwanted, disrespected, not good enough, lonely and like I am worth nothing. I thought we had a perfect loving family and my heart aches for what we have lost and for the hearts of our children.