Can you ever get over it?

Constant daily struggle here for the last year. I will try to explain the best I can and hopefully get some good info/answers as how to proceed. I am a 31 year old white male, my wife is a 30 year old black female. We have two lovely children, a boy age 6 and girl age 4. Been married 9 years together about 10. Basically this last year in the marriage has broken me and changed me as a person, I'm not really the same anymore. Roughly around Thanksgiving last year I found out my wife was seeing a substanially older white male (our parents age), supposedly no sex but I found all kinds of lewd pictures she sent to him. Confront her about it, she seems remorseful and breaks it off. Shortly there after I found she let our mortgage get behind a month and it had been that for quite a long time. Me being a dumb man, I just would work say here's my paycheck and let her pay the bills. That's since changed, own accounts now and we pay our own business so problem solved I guess, either way I wasnt happy about that because she never told me but I got it fixed. A couple months later I found out she had been talking to an old ex, guy she was actually with before me. Now at this point we've been together about 10 years. This guy has a criminal background and the sad part of how I found out is I guess she met him in public with my kids in tow and my son told me about it. Ok, so I let that go. I'm fine mentally at this point. So basically another problem I've had with her is affection. She will not show or display it in the slightest and really never has, I finally realized I've been the one carrying that in the relationship the whole time. For literally a couple months I would ask her to sit by me on the couch to watch a show, or I would try to kiss her and she would oblige slightly but then end up literally pushing me away. We would have sex a couple times a week but it's me intiating and her just agreeing to it basically. I don't get it? I'm in very good shape I would say and attractive but it's like she doesn't even want to have sex with me. I will also say she's put on about 50lbs since we got together which is understandable but makes no effort to change it (still attracted to her though). So basically on one of these nights where I asked her daily to just chill with me and she declines I finally just say screw it. I messaged a girl who I found highly attractive who I knew just from business, never had flirted or anything like that before. We instantly hit it off like no other before to be honest. In short this has been back and forth with her, me being dumb bouncing around trying to "work it out" with my wife and just keeping her on the sideline as bad as it sounds and I feel like an ass. Basically we've come to love each other but I'm in the current state of trying to work it out. My problem is I do still have love for my wife and I've tried doing this for my kids because they are my world but I'm just numb. Day to day I function but I'm not happy anymore, I don't feel like my wife gets it because we are cordial but there is still no affection or "loving" feeling anymore. Obviously I don't trust her and the other girl who I really do care for obviously doesn't trust me anymore so that's on the outs. I'm just wondering if anyone has been in this situation and were you ever mentally able to get back in it? This has been months of this feeling for me and I don't feel like I will ever recover. My wife found out I was seeing someone and basically I was at divorce at that point so I didn't care. She pulled at me saying she would change and nothing really has. I get I love you texts throughout the day but that's all. Nothing in person. Do I go to therapy? I don't really feel like it will help, move out? Or try to stick it out for the kids? I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice is appreciated, thank you.