31
   

This is the really GOOD Jokes Thread...

 
 
Reply Thu 29 Aug, 2013 09:00 am

sometimes a really good joke lands in the Really Bad Jokes thread.

this can be a new home for the good ones that are disguised as bad ones...
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Type: Discussion • Score: 31 • Views: 23,854 • Replies: 190

 
Region Philbis
 
  4  
Reply Thu 29 Aug, 2013 09:07 am

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a flight attendant to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible
for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would
happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York, she made an announcement on the intercom:

"Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up...
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Aug, 2013 10:29 am
I've been thinking for hours . . . i can't think of one ggod joke that i know . . .
Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Aug, 2013 10:35 am
@Setanta,

can't force it... wait for them to fall into your lap(top)...
0 Replies
 
fresco
 
  7  
Reply Thu 29 Aug, 2013 12:32 pm
@Region Philbis,
Q: What's the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist ?
A: An etymologist knows the difference.
DrewDad
 
  2  
Reply Thu 29 Aug, 2013 12:41 pm
@fresco,
A recent post on Slashdot asked for help with creating an activity for an IT career fair. They asked for "an activity that will give the students some hands-on, real world experience that will benefit them immediately."

The best answer:
Quote:
here's an exercise that will translate into the real world... Separate them into two groups, the "M" group, and the "E" group.

The Ms ties the Es group's hands up behind their backs. Then the Ms set themselves on fire, and have to coerce the Es to put the fire out with their hands tied up. If the Ms survive, they get more Es and go again. If the don't, they're replaced with a new M, preferably one from outside who has no idea what just happened.
0 Replies
 
timur
 
  4  
Reply Thu 29 Aug, 2013 01:11 pm
Client: How much will you charge for answering two questions?

Lawyer: Two hundred dollars. What is the second question?
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Setanta
 
  2  
Reply Thu 29 Aug, 2013 02:02 pm
A doctor, a lawyer and a priest are standing on the burning deck of a ship which has just been torpedoed in 1942. The Lawyer says: "We've got to get into one of those life boats, now!" The Doctor says: "But what about the women? What about the children?" The Lawyer says: "Screw the children!" At which point, the Priest says: "Do you think there''ll be time?"
0 Replies
 
vonny
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Aug, 2013 02:06 pm
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it's a hardware problem.
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Aug, 2013 02:35 pm
Marking.
0 Replies
 
vonny
 
  4  
Reply Thu 29 Aug, 2013 02:54 pm
A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: "No, I'm travelling light."
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  10  
Reply Fri 30 Aug, 2013 09:05 am
Is this the GOOD jokes thread? Confused. Or maybe it's just a matter of taste.
edgarblythe
 
  2  
Reply Fri 30 Aug, 2013 09:21 am
@Roberta,
Razz
Roberta wrote:

Is this the GOOD jokes thread? Confused. Or maybe it's just a matter of taste.
0 Replies
 
vonny
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Aug, 2013 01:06 pm
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.
0 Replies
 
vonny
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Aug, 2013 01:10 pm
A Higgs boson walks into a church. The priest says, “Get out, you blasphemer. How dare you call yourself the ‘God particle’?” The Higgs boson replies: “But I make up the mass.”
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Aug, 2013 01:10 pm
How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

















Never mind, i'll just sit in the dark.
0 Replies
 
vonny
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 02:08 am
Why is it so difficult to explain bad puns to kleptomaniacs? Because they always take things so literally.
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 02:43 am
@vonny,
vonny wrote:

Why is it so difficult to explain bad puns to kleptomaniacs? Because they always take things so literally.


That would have been funnier as:

Because they take things, literally.
vonny
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2013 09:44 am
@Frank Apisa,
Quote:
vonny wrote:


Why is it so difficult to explain bad puns to kleptomaniacs? Because they always take things so literally.



That would have been funnier as:

Because they take things, literally.


I agree! Very Happy

Why is it so difficult to explain bad puns to kleptomaniacs? Because they always take things, literally.

0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  6  
Reply Wed 4 Sep, 2013 03:22 am

On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my elderly friend.

He was busy covering his private parts with black shoe polish.

I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked -- you're supposed to turn your clock back..."

***
0 Replies
 
 

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