This is the really GOOD Jokes Thread...

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

<snort>

Or the Royal Wee?

A U.S.Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his
staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the
colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained
that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to
get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just
how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.

A Captain said it was 50%-50%.

A lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon
his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in
charge of making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100%
pleasure.

The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me
doing it for them."

The room fell silent...

***

Two grammatical jokes:

Bob arrived at Logan International, and was excited thinking about all the wonderful seafood available. He hops in a cab, and the cabbies asks him:

Where to, Mister?

I would like to go somewhere where i can get scrod!

Well, I'll be damned . . . the pluperfect!

*********************************************

Emily is an intelligent and well-educated woman, but she has never been to the big city. When her friend moves to New York, she arranges to spend a week's vaction there. They agree to meet at a restaurant for lunch on the day she arrives. Emily gets there first, and goes into the bar to await her friend. There's just one other customer there, an elegantly dressed woman. Emily says:

Hi . . . my name is Emily, and i'm from Arkansas, where are you from?

I am from a place where we don't end our sentences in proepositions.

I'm sorry . . . where are you from . . . BITCH?

A Dave Allen joke that I heard the other day. The Pope and an Atheist are debating the existence of God. At first it's quite civilised but after a while it starts to go downhill. Eventually the Pope loses his temper and screams at the Atheist, 'You're just like a blind man wearing a blindfold in a darkened room looking for a black cat that isn't there.'

The Atheist paused, and replied, 'Your holiness, we're really not that different. You too are like a blind man wearing a blindfold in a darkened room looking for a black cat that isn't there, but you've found it.'

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.

Bill said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"

Larry replied, "I'm not sure... what was her maiden name?"

_______________________________________


A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?"

The father replied, "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine..."

_______________________________________


"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

"That's very fair, your honor," Mr. Clark said. "Every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself..."

***

Burlesque, Henny Youngman...a bye-gone innocent era Reeg.

A man rides into a small snowed-in northern town with his husky team and ties themup to the front of a bar. Then the man goes goes inside and orders a Scotch. Now, this townloves playing tricks on new people. So when the man goes back out, his team of huskys are gone! The man just looks at where his team was, and then goes back inside.

Bang!

The sudden noise startles everyone in the bar.

"Now listen up!" said the man, lowering the pistol he had just shot into the roof.

"I hate tricks being played on me! Im gonna drink one more Scotch, nice and slowly. And damnit, if my dogs aint by the time im done, well..." The man paused. "Or I'll to do what I did in Misvek. And believe me, I dont wanna havta do what I do did in Misvek."

The man drinks his Scotch. Then he goes outside and lo and behold, there is his team. As he begins to get ready to leave, the bartender approaches him and says, "Excuse me, but... what did you do in Misvek?".

The man spins around, grabs the bartender by the collar, looks him in the eye and growles,

"I had to walk home."

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans...walk into a very fine restaurant.
"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group..."You can't come in here without a Thai. "
Okay, I'll show myself out now.

That is, without a doubt, the most atrocious, awful, horrible joke yet posted on this thread.

Way to go, jc. Congrats.