A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached
the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up.
Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!" She took his
hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his
bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch,
"I hope not; it's only 2130 now..."
***
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful,
and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said 'nothing' instead of saying
'just thinking' is because she then would have asked 'about what?' At that point I would have had to explain that
men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions. Finally I pondered an age old
question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is
way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they "know"? Well, after another beer, and
some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts
is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really "know", here is the reason for my
conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child.”
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.”
I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap in that hammock...
***
On the first day at the new seniors complex, the manager addressed all the new seniors pointing out some of the rules:
"The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male quarters to the females.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
"Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.
"Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180."
"Are there any questions?"
An older gentleman stood up in the crowd and inquired,
"How much for a season pass ???
***
@Region Philbis,
Italian ices aren't legitimate frozen desserts. So, in that sense Obama is a monster if this claim was true.
Did you hear that Donald Trump has accepted a position with the White House Orchestra? He’s going to play the buffoon.
HELP REQUESTED PLEASE!!
A friend of mine has two tickets to the 2017 Super Bowl.
They are box seats plus airfare and hotel accommodations.
He didn't realize when he bought them that this is the same day as his wedding - so he can't go.
If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Peter's Church in Boston at 5 PM.
Her name is Julia.
She will be the one in the white dress...
***
@Region Philbis,
It took me 3 or 4 reads to catch that one.
@Setanta,
That's some good **** boss.
Saw it on FB this am.
Me too, so i immediately thought of a few places on-line it would go . . .
I saw it but found it still funny with a second reading.
A Priest and a Rabbi are riding in a plane. After a while, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The Rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The Priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the Rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork."
The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The Priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The Rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The Priest replied, "Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."
The Rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, "A lot better than pork isn't it?"
