A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer
who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.
So the guy goes out to his car. He looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't
have one, but he sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk.
In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable-looking knot,
and lets the ends dangle free.
He goes back to the restaurant. The bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then
says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in... just don't start anything."
An old physician, Doctor Geezer, became bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put up a sign that said: "Dr. Geezer's Clinic. Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1,000."
Doctor Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this
would be a great opportunity to make a fast $1,000, and went to Dr. Geezer's clinic...
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: ''Aaagh! -- This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money...
Dr. Young: "Doc, I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't -- that's Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young, after having lost $1000, leaves angrily and comes back after several more days...
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000 back" (giving him a $10 bill).
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the
dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out
into a torrential down pour. The wind was blowing 50 mph.
I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad
throughout the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my
wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 20 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?
I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped fishing.
It's already been seen. Ho Chi Minh and Mao are visible through glass. Have seen both of them.
For most of us, that remains to be seen. We need to see the remains.
You have a good point. They look waxy. I'm not the only person who thinks so. https://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g293924-d311064-r156036868-Ho_Chi_Minh_Mausoleum-Hanoi.html.
I did a little research and found that the Russians found a way to improve embalming to make the dead look younger. When I'm gone from this world, I instructed my wife to have me cremated and tossed into the Pacific Ocean. In that way, I will continue to travel on this planet.
A Rabbi and a Catholic priest fall to discussing what their religions forbid them: Bacon vs celibacy.
The each agree to try what is forbidden, just the once for the sake of understanding
They meet aferwards.
The Priest says "Sure beats bacon, doesn't it!"
Pope John Paul arrives at St. Peters gate...St. Peter offers a hearty welcome....He says 'Holy Father we've been waiting for you, Welcome to Heaven'. Saint Peter offers to show the Pope around and asks if John Paul has any special request . The Pope responds, Yes, as a matter of fact, I've always wanted to read the Scriptures in the original version. Saint Peter escorts the Pope to the Heavenly Library and shows him to a table to read the Bible on his own,,.,,,,,,,,after about 4 hours St. Peter hears a horrible scream and rushes to the library....He runs thru the doors and asks "Holy Father, what's wrong????". Pope John Paul is sobbing and can only exclaim "It's celebrate....its celebrate"
Perhaps only recovering Catholics will understand.
You are truly my prince....
Awe, shucks! I missed out.