A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof. He looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."
He calls the number and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
Stupid people can entertain many of us,
but stupid people can't entertain an idea.
A fighter pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
No," he replies, "I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
The pilot says, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
The fighter pilot smirks, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast..."
***
How people in History forum is saying that Jesus didn't exist?
Here is a picture taken of Jesus with his mother
@carloslebaron,
There's your proof. I used to have a skeleton of George Washington. It was taken when he was a young boy. It got away the last time I moved.
A man was walking in a grave-yard one night, when he heard a tap-tap-tapping. Looking around in fear, he spied a man carving something into a gravestone. Greatly relieved, the man said "What a relief! I thought you were a ghost!"
The man stopped his work and glanced up, then back down.
"Fools!", he spat. "They spelt my name wrong!"
A woman visits a fourtuneteller who tells her, "Prepare yourself to be a widow,
your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.
Visibly shaken the woman takes a few deep breaths, steadies her voice and ask,
"Will I be acquitted?"
