27
   

And so this happened

 
 
jcboy
 
Reply Thu 17 Feb, 2022 11:56 am
I was an only child, so I thought. Now I’m not so sure. A couple of days ago this guy named Mike, “same last name as mine” which isn’t a common last name, living in California befriended me on Facebook. Two days ago he starts IM’ing me on messenger. His mother told him I was his brother my father’s name is listed on his birth certificate. He’s five years younger then me. I can remember when I was a kid my parents getting into an argument over my dad having an affair that resulted in this woman getting pregnant. He told me my dad was sending his mother monthly checks.

My parents never told me anything about him. I do know he wasn’t listed in my fathers will. Not sure what to believe now but I gave him my phone number and he’s going to call me this weekend. He did send me a couple of photo's of himself and we do look quite a bit alike.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 27 • Views: 19,163 • Replies: 267

 
Albuquerque
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Feb, 2022 12:14 pm
@jcboy,
Well cross check everything twice and if it is true, and you are up to meeting your brother, make the most of it!
jcboy
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Feb, 2022 12:20 pm
@Albuquerque,
Thank you, I plan on doing just that.

He also told me my fathers occupation is listed on the birth certificate which was correct.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Feb, 2022 12:20 pm
@jcboy,
How exciting! And how great to hear your dad supported him. Keep us posted Smile
jcboy
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Feb, 2022 12:22 pm
@Mame,
I will for sure, I'm a little nervous about him calling me this weekend. He lives in Encino, LA County, a couple hours away from us.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Feb, 2022 01:00 pm
That's kind of freaky huh? I think people take it in different ways.

After my grandmother passed away this man reached out to my mom and probably her siblings...he was their half brother. Found out my grandmother had an affair...her husband, my grandfather, was abusive to her and he threaten if she left him he would take all the kids. My mother vaguely remembers her mom having another baby...story was my grandfather said she had to give him up or he would take all the other kids...all 6 of them and of course she had to end the affair. The baby went with his dad to raise. After the kids grew and left my grandmother divorced him and ran away to another state where she had a friend.

My mom said she didn't think she wanted anything to do with him..this is just my feelings but I think she was jealous of him. Unfortunately he did pass away and did not meet his step siblings ..I found that really sad to give up this chance.

But hearing this story years later believe it or not gives me more respect and understanding of my grandmother. She was really in a bind as people then did not divorce nor have access for help with abuse.

Sad too for her son and his dad it sounded like my grandmother loved both but had her hands tied.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Feb, 2022 01:03 pm
@jcboy,
And good luck to you both hopefully it will be positive.
0 Replies
 
jcboy
 
  4  
Reply Thu 17 Feb, 2022 01:05 pm
@Linkat,
Very freaky! When I gave him my number he said he would call this weekend because he was too nervous.

I’ve been going through his Facebook page. He married a girl named Lisa in August of last year. He’s into motorcycles and owns three! One thing I did notice that we have in common is he likes animals. I’ve seen pictures of his two dogs and his cat.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Feb, 2022 04:48 pm
@jcboy,
Are you going to zoom call or FaceTime so you can see one another? I think this is really cool. I do a lot of ancestry work for friends and this is not unusual. You could tell him all about your father - awww.
jcboy
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Feb, 2022 05:59 pm
@Mame,
He never said anything about a zoom call, just said he would call me this weekend. Funny thing is I gave him my number but he did not respond with giving me his number. He sent me at least 30 IM’is today, mostly asking me questions about my father. He wanted to know everything about him. Including height. Told me he was 6 foot, my dad was 6’1, same height as me. Asked me if I would send him some photos of our father, which I did.

I’m still in contact with my dad’s lawyer and left him a message today, so far he hasn’t responded. If anyone knows it would be Keith, my dads lawyer and friend.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Feb, 2022 06:43 pm
@jcboy,
Strange that he's not that interested (or at all) in you - the dad, for sure, but you're here and you're his bro.
0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Feb, 2022 07:28 pm
Be open but be careful.
0 Replies
 
farmerman
 
  3  
Reply Thu 17 Feb, 2022 07:44 pm
@jcboy,
Id be a little mor careful about how much you share with a stranger.
0 Replies
 
jcboy
 
  2  
Reply Thu 17 Feb, 2022 07:49 pm
He’s my brother from a different mother. It’s been verified. My father supported him and set up a trust fund for his college tuition.
After all that why does he want to know me? when all he’s talked about is facts about our father and nothing about my life?

Mike is not his real name,, it’s James Michael, James was my father’s name. He told me his mother named him James Michael after my father.
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Thu 17 Feb, 2022 09:31 pm
@jcboy,
Maybe it's just early. Maybe he'll realize, damn I need to know my brother, too.

This is all happening quickly, so maybe it needs to simmer a little.
0 Replies
 
Joeblow
 
  1  
Reply Fri 18 Feb, 2022 07:39 am
@jcboy,
Whew. I'd be reeling from the news. It's a hellofaway to find out. Please take all the time you need to absorb it. Having said that, your dad is the common denominator at this point. I don't guess I find it too weird that he would want to know everything he could about him. Jaysus! Deep breaths. Slow and steady.
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  3  
Reply Fri 18 Feb, 2022 08:06 am
I grew up not knowing my father. It was not until I was in my fifties and bought my first computer I made contact with some first cousins who remembered him. Turned out he died when I was about to turn six. (1948) I didn't decide how to take the cousins immediately but needed to have as much information about my father as they would provide. It turned out they are true believers in Trump and they don't like me. At least I learned about my father and got pictures of him and my Mom from those days.
0 Replies
 
Lash
 
  4  
Reply Fri 18 Feb, 2022 10:12 am
It’s a bit of a shock, but it has the potential to be an incredibly rich life lift. (And, of course, it has the possibility of going the other way…)

The only advice I have: just because someone has shared DNA doesn’t mean they should be able to leapfrog the process of gaining trust. Hold on to private info for a while as you get to know him better—like you would anyone else. You can tell some general info about your dad without divulging more specific details that give him dates, locations, and other identifying info.

I hope this leads to something positive for you.
0 Replies
 
jcboy
 
  3  
Reply Sat 19 Feb, 2022 09:05 am
I’m just going to take is slow and see what becomes of all this. I find it strange he can IM me twenty times a day but can’t call until this weekend. He didn’t say if he would call today or tomorrow, just this weekend. When I gave him my number he didn’t offer to give me his, so I didn’t ask for it.

He’s been telling me a lot about himself now. No siblings married his high school sweetheart Lisa last August. His mother is alive and living in Granada Hills, That’s in the Valley, close to where he lives in Encino. He even gave me his mother’s full name. He told me he visited our father’s gravesite several times, found him from a site called Find A Grave.

Said he wants to meet me soon, I told him if he ever came over there would be a Puerto Rican in the house, he laughed. He knows about us from Facebook and it’s not an issue. He was happy to find out he’s an uncle, said he would love to meet his niece and two nephews soon.

I’m a little pissed off that he’s better looking then I am. I snagged a picture of he and his wife from Facebook but didn’t think it would be right to post it without him knowing.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Feb, 2022 09:08 am
@jcboy,
Looks are subjective and are only skin deep. Smile

I hope this works out for you, jc.
 

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