Ideas on how to "create" a new family?

Reply Sat 16 Jan, 2016 08:51 pm
Both my husband I have few remaining family living, and a couple of them are estranges. I'm 61, so young enough to have a couple of decades left, I hope. I'd like to make a family somehow, that would be there when you needed them, celebrate things with, etc. Is this even possible?
Reply Sat 16 Jan, 2016 08:57 pm
@I love daffodils,
Terrific question, I love daffodils.

(welcome to Able2know)

Definitely something I've thought about. I'm a couple of years younger than you . I have one living relative in North America and my partner is not connected to his family.

I've recently considered returning to my hometown where I still have a couple of friends I am very close to - one of them with adult children who I'm also close to.

I've put off the decision because I'm very active with my local dance community and it would be hard to find something similar in my hometown. The entire dance community there is about the size of one studio/style community here. The general arts community is so much stronger here and it's got a hold on me.
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Reply Sat 16 Jan, 2016 09:03 pm
@I love daffodils,
Sure you can! You can't choose your relatives, but you can choose your friends and they most certainly can become family. Most of my family lives in Europe and I have close friends that have become family. They're here for me when I need them, but I am also reciprocating - meaning you help each other!

Surely your husband and yourself have friends that feel like family. If not, then start inviting them to your house for a home cooked meal. Stay in contact with them, do things together and be there for them, in case they need help and vice versa.
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Reply Sun 17 Jan, 2016 07:24 am
To add to the two points above, there are also your blood relatives, anyone you've had any sort of connection with. Talk to them on Facebook if that's your thing. You may find there's more going on there and you have more in common. I find it's considerably easier to connect this way than to have a quickie conversation during a four hour family get-together where everyone is eating or gushing over the new baby or it's a wedding or whatnot and there are foci that aren't the conversation.

I connected with one of my cousins over Words With Friends. She's going to be in my area later this year (I live remotely from the rest of them) and I'll take her to lunch and we'll probably tour around informally and play 'Fashion Police'.
Miss L Toad
Reply Sun 17 Jan, 2016 07:39 am

Maria del Carmen Bousada de Lara is the oldest verified mother; she was aged 66 years 358 days when she gave birth to twins; she was 130 days older than Adriana Iliescu, who gave birth in 2005 to a baby girl. In both cases the children were conceived through IVF with donor eggs. The oldest verified mother to conceive naturally (listed currently in the Guinness Records is Dawn Brooke (UK); she conceived a son at the age of 59 years in 1997 while taking estrogen.

So the answer is yes and no.
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Reply Sun 17 Jan, 2016 11:18 am
This happened to me recently too: a cousin I haven't seen in 30 years sent me an email out of the blue and we've been corresponding since. She and her husband are alone without kids and she wanted to initiate contact with some relatives. It's been nice actually to get to know her better and she's thrilled that I am making an effort to stay in contact.

It's always a two-way street and if both parties are willing to get closer, it will happen.
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Reply Fri 10 Mar, 2017 09:16 am
@I love daffodils,
I'm in a similar boat myself, not having a family. All my immediate family is dead and I'm divorced with no children. It gets awfully lonely sometimes. I have a handful of friends but they can never take the place of my family. I was very close with my family. They were very warm, loving, supportive, loyal, caring, close-knit and very fun people. I miss them every single day. I was married twenty plus years during which time we went through 2 miscarriages and a stillbirth at 6 months. So no kids. I don't have any answers but I wanted to reply just to let you know there are other people out here in the world who understand that human need for kinship and how extremely complicated and difficult it can be to try to overcome the loss of one's family. Of course you do what you have to do -- you carry on...somehow. But there's always that emptiness, that sense of the missing, that yearning to see and hear and hug and talk to the wonderful family you loved your whole life long, and the painful fact that you will never have that opportunity again in this life no matter what you do. There are no simple or easy solutions. I personally haven't found any satisfactory resolution. But I survive day by day, one day at a time. More than anything I miss my baby who I lost at 6 months. Some people say how can u miss a baby that was never even born, but they have no clue. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her and wonder what she would be like and what she'd be doing if she were here. Anyway, sorry for rambling on and on like this.
May God Bless you and may you find kind, honest, loving people to share your life with.
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Reply Fri 10 Mar, 2017 09:52 am
Reply Sun 2 Apr, 2017 12:47 am
Sure, you can do this! And you shouldn't have to move and give up the activities that you love. The important thing is to be patient and don't try to force relationships, but start putting out your feelers for others in your position. Keep attending your activities and maybe even other social events in your area. Find others who share your interests and also do not have family to share in the holidays. Invite them out or to your home for dinner. It may or may not turn into a long-term friendship, and thats ok. Keep putting your feelers out until you find some fast friends, and when it feels appropriate, invite them over for the holiday. Sometimes these things happen quickly and naturally, and sometimes it takes some time to find the right people.
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