please answer someone

Forums: Family, Relationships, Immigration, India, Marriage
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I am an indian, I moved to Canada and now I am a permanent resident. then I married to my bf of 5 years. everything is going normal and as I planned until now. problem starts now when I asked him that my mom will stay with us , I know all of u will think he is right, but case is different, my mom is in a abusive relationship , my dad beats her to death, she stays at my relatives place for couple months then go back again he torture her she again look at someone to give her shelter to save her life, and the thing is I came abroad as a student she pay all my fees my expenses until now and she have nothing left with her, and obviously I promised her that once o get pr I will take her out of that ****. but my husband says we cant keep her with us because he need his privacy and he want to enjoy his life he cant stay with my mom.
but I married him and he applied for pr which means indirectly my mom is the reason for him getting permanent here and he is saying she cant stay here and when I asked what about your parents he said my parents will stay with me.

why cant I keep her with me if we know she cant stay there she can lose her life someday. she is 65 years old and I have to help her out but how I don't know. she is my mother

so what is right and what is wrong I don't know. what should I do?

anyone out there please advice me

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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 4,842 • Replies: 12

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@ILOVEGOD,

Can you put her up in a nearby apartment where you can help her and visit frequently?

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@engineer,

I cdan do that but my husband want her to pay for that not me and she cant do that she spend 50 lakh onme in last 4 years in this hope iythat I will take care of her. she never ask me now to keep her with me at all but my cioncious is not allowing me to leav e her alone

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Are there any government services that might help?

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Is this your FATHER who is beating her?

Contact him and tell him to stop. Ask him to pay for the apt. near you. Briing in the authorities, if needed.

PS. I thought your culture was supposed to take care of parents. Why does your husband not want YOUR mother, yet he will take care of HIS parents later.

62 is not old. She should be able to work when she comes to live with you and contribute to her care.

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@PUNKEY,

she is old enough to walk,,, due to health issues,, our culture is to help parents but then a girl
is supposed to marry and leave her home and go live with her husband s family but her parents cant stay at her husbands place but in my case its different iam the one who is the reason for him to stay in Canada he is using me to get permanent residency and he promised me that he will let my mom stay. second thing I came here as a student and met him here before that I promised my mom that I will bring her here should I change it just because I met him?

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@neologist,

not in INDIA

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@ILOVEGOD,

What your husband is telling you is : His privacy is more important than your mother's life.

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@tamsta,

exactly

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Is there a reason your husband can't apply for PR independently? in other words, without you sponsoring him? it is a big problem that I see often in Canada. women sponsoring men and then the men want to make all of the decisions without the women's input.

Contact a Canadian agency within your community for help with this.

Your mother may need your help but you there is no guarantee you will be able to bring her to Canada (let alone your husband's relatives).

Could you afford to move your mother to another city in India, far away from your father?

You are going to have to make it clear to your husband that you have a responsibility to your mother and that he has to be part of the solution.

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@ILOVEGOD,

There are a couple of things I'm confused about. For clarification:
- does your mother lives in India (many are writing as if she is in Canada)
- Did you tell your husband that you planned for your mother to move in with you after you got married. It looks like you didn't - you said he agreed to her moving in (then obviously changed his mind) but say when he agreed - before or after you got married. It appears from your original post that he was surprised that you wanted your mother to move in with the two of you.

Based on my current understanding, my reply is:

- your mothers life comes before your spouses need for privacy. Further, you will always have your mother (if she isn't killed by your father), while divorce is a very real possibility (sitting at about 60% of all couples I think). So it's very important you do the right thing by the relationship with your mother.

and

- it would be very, very wrong of you to not tell your future husband before you married him, that you planned for your mother to move in with the two of you after you married him.

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@ILOVEGOD,

The right thing is taking care of your mother! If being forced to choose between my mother and my partner i would undoubtly choose my mother! What an egoist partner is that that afirms his right to take carr of their parents by deny yours to do the same. A loving partner would be willing to help your mother as much as you do. I dont want to be hursh but this actitude of his would make me seriously consider whether i should continue being on a relationship with him or end it for good
On the other hand, you live in canada now? Go inmediately to the police! What a better life are you getting to have if you perpetuate abussive traditions?

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@vikorr,

It wouldnt be that wrong... if she wasnt planning to do it and thought it just a possibility.. if she were my wife i would have already done everything i could think of to end that abussive situation¡... even if i just were a neightbour of her mother i would have already taken matters into my own hands! Genre violence as life threatening as this shouldnt exist anymore in any country which prouds itself to be part of the first world!

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