How to get married man out my head

Germlat she thinks we are all "men" that have never been in love

I agree with fake, because she told us she wasn't going to go ahead, now she is all ears on this thread revelling in it.

I think there is a lot at stake when someone is married and having an affair, finances, children and I've never heard of one man, to date, that has left his wife, regardless of what he tells his "mistress".

In a way, he has his passion, pleasure, finances, children, family, home. At some point it gets too risky, especially if the "mistress" falls hard for him and they always do, because what they are missing they are getting.

But, then, whilst he goes home to his wife, you go home to an empty love.

I often wonder why if you can't repair a marriage not leave that marriage and be on your own. The strange part of it all is, is that guy you had the affair with is also out there somewhere single and you can sleep over his house.

Passion does cause a problem with people but an affair is secretive and I sometimes think that, that adventure that you craved, crave takes over.

I am betting he does love his wife, just didn't get all that he wanted from her, they prey on people in the same boat, such as yourself. Off course there are "some" feelings there, but ultimately they get their cake and eat it too whilst you get a broken heart.

If you can't fix your marriage then move on, if you can, work on it now.

There is probably a lot of truth in what you say. I don't think anyone starts out with the plan I'll have an affair (maybe some do) they just happen .

My advice to anyone in the same situation is think very carefully before you do. You will likely end up with a broken heart & worse a secret one as you can't tell anyone about it.

Whatever my affair partner felt it wasn't enough to want to be with me.

I don't understand what you mean by 'the guy you had an affair with is out there single you can sleep at his house'

He is married and has left me.

That's because you can not see past "he left me" so are your going to mope around? There is closure, he was married. There "is" a simular guy out there and he is single and you not only can have what you had, but sleep at night, in his bed... Does that help you further?

Off course, you yourself have to be single in order to find this guy.

I'm a female...ok.. I'm not understanding what you mean. I'm not ok with infidelity... I don't care the reasons or gender. I've lived it ok. I'm a loyal person. I don't think there's a difference wether man or women...people will give any excuse to betray.

I've been in love with the same man for 22 years. We've have ups and downs. I shoulve said " others consider me beautiful". I was a catalog and commercial model...blah, blah...in my early youth.. I could've sold that...but--it felt fake. I became a science major--my true love. I was always distrustful of anyone who thought my "looks " were important...I knew they'd be gone some day and I was much more than that ( in spite of what my parents taught me). I've always been a "science geek" and did well in my career. I despise disloyalty...baggage here...seen too many people ruin their lives. I gained 50 pounds in one year due to endocrine issues...wow...that cemented in my head what I already know about people and how shallow they are...BTW lost the weight and now all is as usual..I'm still the same person...screw all the shallow people. Watch out...same thing with hormones...

Do yourself a favor
and distrust everyone else too.
Trustworthyness is not in human DNA,
nor animals' either.

Loving and trusting r 2 different things.





David

Should I distrust others?? Really?!

Yes. Start now. Its not too late.

No, it was simply I didn't understand what you wrote it read as though the person I had an affair with was single - thanks for clarifying.

I understand your point of view. But it does happen and sometimes to good people. I'm not saying it makes it right but it is easy to judge and harder to understand.

I can only speak about myself not others who have affairs. You may not believe me but I never thought I would. My advice to others in similar situations was and is not to. I know it never ends well. But affairs do happen and involve good people. There are those who have affairs because the can or to prove they still have it or whatever but I am not one of those people. The majority of those who have an affair are unhappy.

Yes, the right thing to do is to sort that relationship out or leave I don't disagree with that. But clearly many people find that hard to do for a variety of reasons. People may chose to stay in the marriage not because they love the husband or wife more but due to other factors. Not wanting to lose their standing with children, friends, family; income issues and many other issues. Leaving the affair partner is the less personally damaging option. It doesn't mean they have stopped caring for that person.

I am not advocating affairs, I am not saying they are right. I am just saying they do happen to good people. And a broken heart even if it has come via an affair is just as painful as any other. It takes a brave person to leave a marriage and most people aren't that brave.

You have to love the Internet.

My post to you was to state that Eliusa thought "we" were both men. I know you are a female

I probably need more sleep or something

No worries.

I don't judge people that have affairs I wish they didn't, there are so many people in this Universe and I've always had a golden rule, "leave" if you are not happy before you move on to someone else.

I can't see it being fair to the other person. The way in which they will feel when they find out, useless, not good enough and what they will then bring to the table after called baggage, hate towards women, non -trust. Yet if a person was simply to leave and then do what they want, at least that person has some dignity, the one that was left.

Sorry, that's just how I feel.

The blah, blah I was a model, well me too. And, it is blah, blah, I refused to lay on the couch to get somewhere and chose to find my own career path, cudos to my friend that she did the same.

As I said I don't disagree with you. And it was never my intention to have an affair. But they do happen statistics show that and not everyone who does have an affair are bad people who just enjoy hurting people. I'm not saying it's right.

Your blah blah bit is for someone else? I don't know what that ones about.

People are human. Martie, this was your solution at that time.

So do you have a plan to move forward now?

Re blah blah that's how I am feeling I read Germlat's response below and can relate to it, as I too was an ex model and it is blah, blah trust me, so many hurdles which it seems both her and I were not prepared to do to make it in life.

Which has nothing to do with affairs well it might have, I'm sure those guys were married that wanted us on the couch


Germlat wrote :-



1 Reply

I plan to get over the affair partner and sort my relationship out at home one way or the other.

I cannot be around the affair partner and we can't be friends and that doesn't work. I have moved jobs (he was a co-worker) and I have deleted him etc from my contacts.

I need to heal before I do anything. I did love him it was never just about the novelty or the excitement. It is hard being without him. But it has to be done. The no contact was my idea. He wanted to remain friends.

I am crying reading you , Martie and I am supposed to be here working.
We had a first talk yesterday. It was painful for both of us because there is no way we are leaving families and doing anything stupid. He said he decided to open up to me after 5 years because I said something once about having no life (I do not remember when was it and why I said it) and he felt like crying for the first time in many years and he decided to tell me about his feelings.
Because he felt that he is not enjoying his life anymore. So yesterday I saw so much hurt in his yes I was falling apart and he held my hand and we were both on a verge of throwing everything and go to hell together, however it wasn't possible and I am thinking right now about it, we had just met at work and it wasn't good, he told me he can't function. There is no pressure to have sex, there is nothing wrong between us except 2 adults loving each other and having no idea what to do with it and how to live.
All I am saying is that I would take a prescription 'fall out of love' but there is none. We decided to take it day by day and see what future hold for us.
But so far I am a mess, he is a mess and when it hurts like hell we can send each other text just to say how r u? And this is all. We are trying to work it out of our system. But HOW?
Martie, you are in it for a while. Did it ever stop hurting or started to hurt less?

I think of others depending on their emotional maturity. Also track record. I don't think falling out of love as horrible or sinful...I think it's best to tell the partner...people change. There are those out there strong enough to do that. Not everyone resorts to cheating...