How to get married man out my head

They are judging allright.
Even they saying they don't.
I said it million times here that I would never get into this situation if I could not. And I had tried for years to be just good friends. And I had never cheated before. And I am only cheating in my head now. And I know if I could take my brain out and wash it and get it out of there I would.
I guess it is hard for people who are in a stale waters to understand when those waters are clearing up and you see yourself as a new one, and you are happy and even you know it will not go anywhere - its there and there is no cure but time. And I am doubting it is even time. Because you found your half which is not yours.

What rights do you have to say that we are emotionally immature?
I was making and still do all the decisions in my family. Because my husband don't give a crap. I am pulling this family for all these years. Emotional immaturity? How dare you? It can hit you anytime, then come and tell us about it.

Ok .. I see what you mean. This person is so angry that people are turned off by her cheating. She wants to rationalize it and gain support. I think middle age life is tricky.. It is a developmental task of a middle aged person to reevaluate things in life and make changes. It's not uncommon to see people regress emotionally...behave like teenagers and not be aware of how selfish or ridiculous they seem to others. More couples divorce in middle age than any other age group(in the U.S. anyway). Also-- we have the highest incidence of divorce in the world. Our culture is so stuck on instant gratification.

Who is we? I said it's not uncommon for middleaged people to regress emotionally (it's called a midlife crisis)....I didn't invent the concept or exaggerate the behaviors. So sorry--can't take the credit.

Look at you. You are here 24/7 spewing hate. What is wrong with you?

Not hate..but since I'm not patting you on the head...you dislike it. You are no victim.

I do not need your patting as I don't need a lecturing. I do not owe you anything. I was looking here for a person like Martie.
Not like you. I need a friend who can share her hurt with me and I can share it with her. I am grown up woman who doesn't give a damn about your dislikes of my action or nor I need your approval. I was reading it and wondering what ta heck with this person and how long will she be spewing? Other than that - say and do whatever you want. You just showing yourself like a bitching 'beauty'.

Must you make everything about you? I don't care what you need or don't . You have unveiled yourself and revealed yourself to many...at this point I just chuckle at your immaturity.

Don't you have anything else to do, my mature 'friend'?
What are you doing all day posting here so beautiful and wanted?
LOL
I have a happiness in my heart right now, what do you have?
I am done talking to you. Your posts are worthless.

I have a loving husband, a beloved son, loyalty, honesty, a career, compassion for those being used.....contempt for cheaters.

Do you spend as much time with all that you have as you wasting on internet?

And therein lies the rub. Eliusa is simply looking for someone who will tell her it is ok to cheat. When nearly everyone tells her it is not, we are the ones with the problem.

I wish you could read as well as you are writing. I said it all and I am not repeating it. You just like to **** on people. So go on. Who really cares.

She's received a good dose of reality. So many have replied..But, like all cheaters she will rationalize it. She'll find others to pat her on the head.

I can't speak for anyone we only myself. I am neither middle aged or immature. I do not advocate affairs. Yes I had one. I am trying to say that yes, we should all do the right thing put life is not that easy. That doesn't mean I seek a pat on the head for what I have done. I accept it was wrong and people may feel I deserve the consequences of that. Good people have affairs that is a fact. It doesn't mean we don't care or want to hurt people. It's not wanting to hurt people that makes individuals go back to unhappy marriages and relationships because they make a balance of hurt. Hurt yourself and your affair partner or your wife / husband / children / family etc. It takes a brave person to leave a long established relationship.

My affair lasted 2.5 years - incredible when I put that in words. I know people will say I was used but it seem an awful long time to use someone for and it wasn't all about sex. We were in contact everyday and supported each other with many things. The ago fair ended the start of this year (his choice) though we remained friends for 6 months. This involved the daily contact mutual support etc. Again a strange thing to do if you are using someone. The decision to end the friendship was mine as it was too painful. It didn't end because one got fed up with the other. I don't think either of us is 'happy' in our relationships. As I said though it is easier to hurt yourself and an affair partner.

And no it doesn't hurt less & it's been 8 weeks of no contact now.

Martie, please indulge me for a moment. ... Affairs don't just happen. Been there done that. Flip side: your spouse is getting all the hate because you're rationalizing your affair. Scenario: you are the only person they love. To rationalize the affair you treat them like dirt because that's the only way to make it ok in your head. They try and try to please you...but come up short every time. They're confused. They internalize feelings of failure time and time again....they don't realize you can't leave them for as long as you're in love with another or at least til you no longer need them as a stepping stone. They keep trying and failing. You hate them for their efforts....so what they don't know won't hurt them...that's delusional. You can't give them what they need and don't want to...and will PUNISH them for not being who you love... I say have the guts to not USE them. It's horribly cruel. What if the person you loved did it to you. Come clean.

I'm not doing any of these things. I don't hate my partner and I'm not taking anything out on him. Nor am I treating him like dirt. We get on very well and always have. He is my best friend in many ways and I am his. I am certainly not punishing him for anything. The affair was not his fault. I take full responsibility for it.

No one knows another persons life and no one can judge another's situation.