I'm one of the most compassionate persons here, not really but I am compassionate.
I see the reality of life. We make mistakes, no one is perfect.
I do know you replied to a thread and didn't start your own. There is nothing wrong though in throwing things out there. If you take one thing from something "someone" said and it helps, then it was worth reading.
It's your choice re your partner and the history and what can or can not be addressed and what you intend to do about it. I find that time is something that helps, the realisation of where you are at and the desire to be who you want to be.
I feel that we belong to ourselves. We live this life once and once only. If we are not happy where we are, we owe it to ourselves to find that inner peace and happiness. I guess we also owe it to the other person so they also can feel the same "eventually" for both.
Nothing in life is easy. Everything is hard work.
I don't judge. But I can see. I see you as a sensible person who made an error but made a good choice by finalising it. It had to happen, you can't live like that and regardless your husband does not deserve that, he may deserve you to feel broken and look as he won't fix, we won't ever know, but I do agree and I'm sorry that I wish people would "walk" then do. That's just my honest thoughts on the said subject.
I do however, understand if the person hurts and walks away from an affair and is trying. Forgiveness is also part of life.
You'll find that I and others are not happy with selfishness that's all which you have not displayed.
You do need to heal. We have all had a broken heart and some more than once in our lives if only though you could love yourself enough to realise that the strength you found, is actually you and you are beautiful and you do deserve love and if you don't have it, are not happy, then you deserve to walk and find it.
It takes two to work on a relationship, if he is willing and you are willing after you heal, that's great. If he is not, remember, you are important.
I know you never said you wanted him to and I suspect you hope he is hurting and just not contacting you so you can heal. I've never on any Forum read where a man does that. He tends to be happy with his life, lies a little, loves the other woman for what she gave him but not "soul like" as he does see her as mistress. A bit of guilt sets in but he wipes it away, he often blames his wife for why he did it and he's ready to do it if he ever gets caught out. It's like.... What he is missing he can find elsewhere if it is there and if that happens he takes. It's the animal kingdom where some of the Eves never bit the apple but if they did, Adam takes
You have my compassion. And, understanding, because you walked away on your own accord and you made a mistake but not because you were greedy, wanted lust. But I think because you were broken and your other half wasn't prepared to fix it.
I hope it's not too late for you or that he won't try now.
I don't know if hiding what happened is a good thing but then that's your decision.
I don't know your story to comment on that and I respect you don't want to share it.
If you learnt something? Then that's good.
If you can choose your path and be happy eventually, as a result there will be something that will stick in your mind, not so good but aim at being good to yourself and your life and others and put it behind you.
Like I said, Martie, you walked, you feel, you regret, you aren't judging yourself rather asking for forgiveness to yourself.
That's a great start.
You can heal by thinking.
He was home with his wife.
He slept with his wife.
He never came to find me and asked me to leave my husband for him.
I made a mistake.
He verbally and emotionally told me all I needed to hear.
He held me and loved me as I wanted.
But, if that was all real, he would have found me and asked me to leave and visa versa of his own marriage because living without me would be un-barable.
He didn't.. So he had his game plan but I learnt from it and I found things I missed. Now to decide whether to try to mend my marriage or move on and find someone who will love me and "not cheat on me"
But for who I am and all that I am, who is single.
Take care mam.
Don't cry either. Life goes on, so get that life happening..
The other lady that replied whom I don't even want to mention, was looking for someone "in my opinion" to validate what she "wants to do" but in such a selfish manner that none of us can fathom. Including asking you a million questions when you, yourself, need to heal.