Please do not assume to know me or my partner and what we feel. You are entitled to your option but you are making it personal and you can't know these things. I have spoken to My partner several times about my unhappiness in the relationship and he knows as well as I do there are very significant problems. He would prefer to stay together
I don't know how old you are, not that that matters. But let's look at this. Your Partner has been made aware of your un-happiness, by the way what is that? What makes you un-happy in your marriage? He knows, that they aren't small problems but rather large but HE
prefers that you stay together.
So, where did the marriage councelling come into it? So he knows how un-happy you are but he prefers to stay. So as "he" prefers to stay, your option is to cheat on him . At that time that he stated he would prefer that you stay together did you state "only if we get councelling?". Or, "we have to work on these problems or I won't be able to stay, it will feel like a friendship not a marriage and I don't cheat but I do deserve to be loved" .
Sounds as if you talked it out, he made that comment, you walked away and made the management decision that you were stuck in this marriage end of story, got further down and out and then someone, walked in and made you smile and that became your solution.
We do have options. I don't honestly understand why people just don't walk.
I don't get why he decided you both are going to stay where you are without any work on the marriage.
Why people think that a marriage is not work, is beyond me. It's constant work be it a smile when you feel down, a nice word to make them feel special, it's work.
Anything casual isn't work, as there isn't much time involved. Off course they will support you emotionally, that's how it all starts. They will continue because that's how they keep you.
This guy changes some things, you didn't like them, felt used and so cut the connection, 8 weeks later you are still hurting but he hasn't moved hell and water to tell you he loves you and will leave his family for you, the sad part of this is, now that he has a taste, he will trust me, he will, go and do it again, if he hadn't already done it before. You become a number.
If your husband refuses to leave, refuses to fix things between you, you have to see that nothing will change and friendship is exactly that and only that.
You can't afford to go down this path a second time. What's done is done.
You should tell him. After all it sounds as if he made a blanket statement and has never tried to solve the problems between you both. At least he can make a decision whether or not he wants to walk away now and be hurt, or stay and be hurt but hopefully forgive and seek help for the marriage.
You do owe him that, but you need to as well to get the skeleton out of the closet and gain full closure on this.