11
   

my husband has horrible hygiene and I cant bring myself to be sexually attracted to him anymore.

 
 
Reply Fri 20 Feb, 2015 03:03 pm
If he doesnt have crust on the corners of his mouth hes got clumps of snot crusted on the outside corner of his nose. Or his hair is greasy or his hat smells strongly of BO. or he smells like ass (because his chair is fake leather and it holds in moisture and his area sweats all day)

Im trying to not over exaggerate any of those examples. Its seriously all i notice about him. we're married (happily) and Im not sexually attracted to him at all anymore because this every-day image is burned into my mind. I cant kiss him without thinking there might be something on his mouth, or hold him without smelling his ass BO.

He is funny, sweet and smart... his IQ is a 130 and hes a great person overall but gets super offended when I bring any of this up because honestly I have a lot of emotional issues that he handles very respectfully and logically.

so yeah someone? can I get any kind of advice about how to handle this? I honestly wish I could simply ignore it but unless i get super drunk to the point of not noticing I dont want to bang my own husband. advice please?
 
Butrflynet
 
  4  
Reply Fri 20 Feb, 2015 03:37 pm
@brandolablue,
How old is he? Has he been to the doctor for a physical recently? If not, might be a good idea. Maybe he is developing dementia or Alzheimer's disease.

Have you considered turning it into something romantic? Maybe take a shower together and soap each other down? Make an appointment at a spa for the both of you and spend the night at a hotel afterwards.

Buy him a new hat, buy a seat cover for his chair, one that can be laundered as needed.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  6  
Reply Fri 20 Feb, 2015 03:52 pm
@brandolablue,
The extreme neglect of hygiene is often a sign of mental illness. You need to get him to a doctor.
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  4  
Reply Fri 20 Feb, 2015 04:39 pm
@brandolablue,
Quote:
we're married (happily) and Im not sexually attracted to him at all anymore because this every-day image is burned into my mind...

Sorry for this sad situation with your marriage. You must be feeling helpless and frustrated.

However, you are clearly not happy in your marriage. You've made that clear...regardless of what you want to admit. Not being sexually attracted to your husband is a sign that the marriage is in trouble. Something has to be done.

This is not healthy both from the hygiene aspect nor the emotional aspect.

I wish you good luck and good energy.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Fri 20 Feb, 2015 05:15 pm
I'm thinking depression.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 20 Feb, 2015 05:37 pm
@chai2,
How is his sense of smell?

I have very little sense of smell, and I've had it checked, affirmative, it's low. Was fine in a film crew in a stockyards, while others were cracking jokes to keep going; had a class I was in flee because of a sulfurous chemical, 2 mercapto ethanol, and followed them out like a lemming, smelling nothing.
On the other hand, I ask close friends to tell me. Apparently garlicwonderwoman doesn't blast it into the air.

Anyway, this is odd stuff happening with him, and also happening for you.

Was he always this way since you met him? I agree with everyone so far, he needs to see a doctor. How you get that to happen, I dunno.
0 Replies
 
contrex
 
  2  
Reply Fri 20 Feb, 2015 05:42 pm
wow.
0 Replies
 
andy31
 
  2  
Reply Tue 31 Mar, 2015 06:28 am
@brandolablue,
If he gets irritated when you touch the subject it means he is not comprehending seriousness of the matter. You might need to look him in the face and use a strong argument like: he has to start take care of himself to safe the marriage. Sorry but that might be the only way. And no, like someone else said here, you are NOT I repeat NOT HAPPILY MARRIED AT AL! What you are describing is a essential part of the marriage. You can't be happy and unhappy at the same time. Good luck to you.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 31 Mar, 2015 07:04 am
When's the last time you invited him to shower WITH you?

If he doesn't respond to that, get him to the Dr.
0 Replies
 
slim24pro1
 
  1  
Reply Wed 1 Apr, 2015 05:07 am
Feeling really sorry for this sad situation and off course your marriage. You must be feeling helpless and frustrated but you should have patient and courage to fight this situation.. I think you should go to the good doctor and consult them .. .. I hope Things will be fall in place someday trust me.... You have understand your husband problem as well and frankly talk to him about all this.. ..
0 Replies
 
carloslebaron
 
  -2  
Reply Wed 1 Apr, 2015 07:21 am
@brandolablue,
Perhaps he knows you love dogs and he tries to be one... did he recently looked at you and very submissive told you, "pet me... pet me..."?
0 Replies
 
bamboozled2015
 
  0  
Reply Sat 23 May, 2015 06:53 pm
@brandolablue,
Wow...when your husband's hygiene has declined to the point where he starts to smell like ass all the time you have a serious problem. I'm assuming he did not smell like ass or appear like a greasy crusty mess when you met and married him. What happened? When did the decline begin? Was it sudden or did he gradually stop giving a crap about his appearance/hygiene? What kind of a job does he have? Does he not shower and clean up before he heads to work? Is he a weekend slob? Does anyone else notice his condition/smell and say anything to him about it? Is there a possibility he is trying to repel you? Is he interested in sex/affection or is he trying to avoid it? I'm not sure the whole try to get romantic and ask him to shower with you would be appealing to you. I wouldn't want to put my hands all up in the offending area. Perhaps you can draw a bath for him(alone), use lots of bubbles and offer a scalp massage with shampoo? Ruling out any medical condition to explain this horrendous decline I would express my feelings to him about what's going on. Be kind in your tone and start out with all the good things about him, then let him know it's affecting your desire for him. Ask him how he would feel if you let yourself go to the point where he felt turned off by you? Tell him you would want to know if you were doing something intentionally or unintentionally that was turning him off. On the rare occasion I tell my husband his breath is off(perhaps from something he ate or forgetting to brush his teeth in the morning) he bolts to the washroom to brush as I would if it were me. He doesn't want me to be grossed out by him nor do I want to turn him off by my behavior. I cannot imagine anyone would want their spouse thinking they smell/look repulsive. I think it's inconsiderate for a husband to ignore a serious concern his wife may have. I find it odd that he would not want to address this problem immediately if it's taking a toll on your sex life. Perhaps you can purchase an assortment of hygiene products, new cotton underwear and replace the nasty smelly chair. Good Luck!
0 Replies
 
andy31
 
  -3  
Reply Thu 10 Sep, 2015 04:17 am
@brandolablue,
What were you thinking???
Cut him loose!!! The sooner the better.
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  0  
Reply Thu 10 Sep, 2015 05:33 pm
I'm rather surprised that no one has suggested that you talk with him about his hygiene, and how it's affecting: you, you as a couples sex life, and your marriage.

Secondly, BO is a result of the bacteria that break down sweat. Some peoples skin type is prone to the Bacteria that causes BO - so no matter how much they wash, it's not long before they smell again. The answer to this is either anti-bacterial soap, anti-bacterial anti-deodorant, or a shower gel & scrub (scrubs tend to remove much more bacteria than soap).

Lastly, I've seen it advertised locally that there are new, medical ways to prevent sweating. I don't know how successful these are, but you could ask your doctor about such.

Hopefully, some knowledge of alternative solutions will help with any conversation you have about the problem.

andy31
 
  -3  
Reply Thu 10 Sep, 2015 11:05 pm
@vikorr,
It's not true that some people smells no matter what. The only time that holds water if someone has a very very poor diet, or just don't care eating potent things like kimchi, garlic, drink lots of alcohol etc. If a grown man doesn't understand about the daily shower and personal higine, there's something wrong with his brain. Nobody can, tell me about his supposed high IQ. The guy needs a mental evaluation and treatment. That's why I just can't imagine any women could be physically attracted to someone like this.
Some Europeans are known to have a poor higine. Americans are joking about this, saying that in Europe people taking shower once a week whether they need it or not.

The bothom line is, if the man has any kind of intelligence and common sense, he should get the message when no women would ever want to stay with him. But... like they say, every pot has the lid.
0 Replies
 
Mrskelow123
 
  2  
Reply Fri 7 Oct, 2016 01:52 pm
I wouldn't touch him or sleep with him until he cleaned up. I don't even like having sex unless we're both freshly showered. My husband works two jobs & takes two showers a day. I can't even imagine this. Really, what if you said you won't kiss him or do anything else until he cleans up? That's just common courtesy. So sorry, good luck!
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Sat 8 Oct, 2016 02:48 pm
@brandolablue,
How about a steamy shower to get both at the same time? Showers are fun with a partner.
0 Replies
 
Lash
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2018 03:12 am
Tell him you’re noticing a new personal fetish... You’ve been dreaming about wild, exploratory sex with him fresh out of the shower. The freshly clean smell drives you crazy, the scrubbed skin. Ask him to help you realize this hot fantasy.

Try to get into it in a way he’ll want to repeat. Eat him up.

0 Replies
 
Medusax
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Aug, 2018 07:14 pm
@brandolablue,
I know this post is three years old, but this person sounds exactly like my niece's ex-boyfriend. That man had NO sense of cleanliness whatsoever. We have no idea why she started dating him in the first place.. he would go a week or sometimes more without showering/brushing his teeth/changing clothes and when he was called on it he would get offended and sulk. Being the forthright hard-ass that I am, I actually made him leave my house once because he was literally stinking the place up. I have no patience for that sort of thing.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  3  
Reply Mon 13 Aug, 2018 10:42 am
Has anyone tried seeing it from his point of view? Maybe the stubborn stains are the only thing holding his underpants together.
 

Related Topics

Immortality and Doctor Volkov - Discussion by edgarblythe
Sleep Paralysis - Discussion by Nick Ashley
On the edge and toppling off.... - Discussion by Izzie
Surgery--Again - Discussion by Roberta
PTSD, is it caused by a blow to the head? - Question by Rickoshay75
THE GIRL IS ILL - Discussion by Setanta
 
  1. Forums
  2. » my husband has horrible hygiene and I cant bring myself to be sexually attracted to him anymore.
Copyright © 2018 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.04 seconds on 12/10/2018 at 10:16:15