Thought I was all about sex since every time I held her I got a little too excited I guess. I would argue for days about it then finally get her love.
doesn't sound like arguing got you her love - sounds more like what you got was a pity ****
arguing is not often a way to get to a pleasurable sexual experience
your information that your wife pleasures herself to reach orgasm sounds like she's more successful at reaching orgasm without you
what have you done over the years to find out what she enjoys sexually? does she like role-playing? using sex toys? talking dirty?
you've been married 25 years - by this point you should know a fair bit about what makes sex fun and enjoyable for your wife - what gets her excited?
do you ever play games where sexual acts can be a reward? if it's not fun, it can be a chore
date nights, sex nights, play nights
are you and your wife having fun on a general basis?
25 years of marriage - you've got to keep things mixed up to make sure sex is still fun and entertaining
if the two of you can't manage a fun sex life on your own, you may need to work with a therapist