I do understand what your saying and have felt that safe, secure love with my husband. As you say the hair tingling passion will never be the same as it is when you first embark on a relationship, and I got that fix with the OM. looking back it was like a drug that took me over and away from the mundane.
I feel I may of fell in love with the OM, but it can never be the strong love I have for my husband because there just isn't enough substance, time and layering to be at that level yet. So it feels like I am in love with two men, but different love for each. I guess the love with the OM is due to a need in me for something new and exciting so I need to focus on getting that from home instead.
The OM told me he would be in touch, we'd have a coffee some time, but he hasn't contacted me. That makes me feel rejected and confused about what I meant to him. His wife made him write a no contact letter to me, he gave it to me but said it was harsh and her words not his, so it didn't feel like he meant it at all. I sometimes feel I need to talk to him one more time to get closure, to agree that this is the end and we will never contact each other again. He didn't give me that and I feel that has prolonged my withdrawral.