How to get married man out my head

I admire that you see it, what was wrong and we all make mistakes, as I said It's good that you want it to work now.

If he realised "something" was wrong in that period but has never pushed it, he doesn't want to know what that was in my opinion.. I too hope it remains in the closet so you can both work towards the happier marriage you now have.

Do not tell. He deserves to be in a dark about it for as long as he can. Maybe forever.

I have to agree when a 3rd party steps in such as a wife or a husband and tells the spouse what to do it's like a negotiation or something like a game. I can see why you do not have closure. He could be doing this. Once he gets too close to you he allows her to step in and control him..it's like a game. The affairs keep him with her. They have been doing this awhile. He is chicken to leave her because he feels her jealousy is love. Do not call him or email him. He did like you just know that. I am curious though. How are you..it's been a year, have you heard from him?

I am where you are. It is devastating. I had a 2.5 year affair with a work colleague. He is married (30 plus years) and I am in a 20 year relationship. I never meant for it to happen but when it did it felt so right. There were times throughout the affair when it got too much for me and I ended it because I wanted him full time. He always persuaded me to start the affair again. He finished it on one occasion during this time but again persuaded me to start up again. I knew it was foolish. He never said he would leave his wife though he said he had feelings for me.

At the start of the year he ended things again. We stayed friends and a part of me thought the old pattern would persist but he was clear it was over. The situation was destroying me and I found a new job. He wanted to stay friends but I knew this would be a mistake. I asked him what he really felt. He said he can't go back to what we had though when he was with me he felt drawn to me. He said this made him very conscious of how he was around me and that we may never be able to have a meaningful friendship. I know trying to be friends was a mistake so I left for the new job and we haven't spoken since. It's been two months and I am devistated. My partner of 20 years does not deserve this either. I have made a huge mess of everything. But the truth is I love my affair partner and am struggling to cope with the reality he is really gone.

WHERE were you when I posted my 'story'?
See, I was waiting to my soul mate to come and to tell something similar to what had happened to me. All these men here just...men. And I am sure they had never loved.

Please, tell me how was life with your husband. (if you would)

WELCOME to the forum, Martie!

May u live in beauty and use the forum in the best of health.





David

I HAD found this thread first but I had decided to made my own because I had not read it all. Now I am so glad I found it and can't wait to read it all.
So much different from what I had heard about affairs from these guys in my thread.
And no one listened to me when I said I was 100% faithful for 20+ years and I never saw it happening. I just thought he was smiling at me because he was just that type of guy. But no, he was in love with me from day 1st. And I fell to his feet where I still am at this moment. I hadn't done IT yet but I am about to.

Hi.

I only found this website today. My relationship with my partner is probably the same as many people who post on here. We love each other and in many ways we are best friends but there is no passion in the relationship. I know people will say that I should have tried to sort this relationship out & it's not an excuse to have an affair. And yes I understand that point of view. However I didn't know what was missing till I met my affair partner.

I know everyone probably says the same thing and I have just been foolish but it didn't feel like that. It felt real. My affair partner is not a player and I know he struggled too. He did feel like my soul mate and it is hard to be without him.

I have had relationship talks with my partner but he has always maintained he wants to stay with me (he doesn't know about affair) but he is not too motivated about making our relationship more than it is (though to be fair I

All I can say is it hurts. The fact I probably deserve what has happened doesn't take that away.

Hate to tell you but---100% faithful really?? You stated you're in love at 50!!! ( with someone other than your husband). You're a fake.

Thank you David.

Passion has a lot with decision to make yourself vulnerable.

Look up the Cinderella Complex...then work on yourself.

I was a few month ago 100% faithful, never ever...
But I think it is all info wasted on you because you had never loved.
So I am just going to ignore you.

I am in the same exactly boat! I am feeling such connection and passion and alive - and this man is just perfect. Please, read my thread 50 in love and talk to me, if you want privately. Thanks

Why do you think I've never loved? Do you really think I've never had the temptation ...get real.. I'm a beautiful woman ..,younger than you...

Yes, you may be right. I know there is nothing new in my story that lots of people haven't said before. I know it ended like the majority of affairs do. I also know that most people will think I deserve to be where I am now.

Maybe they are right. I am not perfect I followed my heart and I got hurt. I believe (maybe foolishly) that it did mean something to affair partner too. I think he was afraid of this. What is right being in relationships that doesn't make you happy or take a chance? I know my affair partner has made his choice and it wasn't me but who is anyone to say what is the right choice?

Sorry babe...we all get hurt...it's about knowing WHO you're hurting at this point.

I know how you feel as that is exactly how it was for me. Unfortunately real life always intrudes and decisions have to be made eventually. In my case no one found out, my affair partner didn't turn on me or get fed up with me. He made a choice & it wasn't me.

He wanted to keep the friendship up but struggled to be around me because there were still feelings.

People may think me foolish & maybe this all was a polite way of getting rid of me but in my heart I know that's not true.

The trouble with affairs as I've found to my cost as yes, it's passionate and you feel alive but ultimately there has to be a price to pay and usually it's a broken heart.

Thanks. I'm trying to get on with my life without him. I'm keeping busy, new job, new haircut, seeing friends, making plans etc etc. but nothing takes away the gap he has left. We were in contact several times a day now there is nothing. I know I initiated the nothing but doing the right thing isn't always easy.

I think you had never been in love because the way you are acting.
Anyone who were in love would be more understanding.
And I am doubting anyone who says 'I am beautiful'.
I say I am loved by a gorgeous piece of ass and I am thrilled out of my mind!
And I told you 17 times already that a few month ago I was a dry broad with your opinion about loving 'another guy'. And now I am in love!
So if you can't understand that - you had never been in love because I will never throw a stone AFTER what happened to me. But I know how it feels to read others affairs when you had none! Jealous...