How much time? Took me 9 months. In the end I went through all the questions I wanted to ask him and answered them myself...there is some closure! Here's some ideas but you'll have your own questions:
How have you been? Not my business I am not having a relationship with this man so do not need to know how he has been.
Have you suffered withdrawal from me? Of course he suffered, but he had the added burden of watching his wife suffer knowing he caused all her pain.
Why did you say you loved me? To get me in bed, overtaken by chemicals, needed a fantasy world to live in, felt right at the time. Who cares now anyway because whatever he said he is not with me now so his 'love' could not be that strong.
Can we be friends? No, we had an affair and put two marriages in jeopardy along with two children's lives. This was wrong, together we are chaos, we cannot be friends because we are a destructive careless force together.
And so on.......
You have split, there really is nothing left to say, don't keep holding on for closure from him because you are unlikely to get it. Close this chapter yourself, once you do you will warm to your husband again. You do need to understand the issues with your marriage and address them though otherwise you haven't learnt anything.
Hang in there, and be strong.