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Cheating with controlling man

 
 
Wed 17 Feb, 2016 08:06 am
I am unhappily married for two years to an emotionally abusive man been having an affair for a year with a married man I used to work with and lately he's been real controlling saying he wants me to obey him and he wants to own me he has kids and married doesn't seem to be leaving in the future I'm thinking about getting a divorce soon and he says when I'm alone things will be different between me and him but just wondering is he Using me since we don't see much of each other we normally just sext and send pictures and one possible meet up but never in public . I'm trying to get them out of my head but I am in love with them even though he says he loves me I'm not sure what his real feelings are. Feel Like a fool that I even started this
 
CoastalRat
 
  6  
Wed 17 Feb, 2016 09:44 am
@Cpdgirl1622,
So you want to go from an emotionally abusive relationship to a controlling relationship with a married man who tells you that things will be different once you are alone. How will it be different? Oh yeah, he will be able to screw you whenever he wants since you will be alone and he will not have to leave his family in order to get some pussy on the side. Sounds like a really sweet deal for him. For you, not so much.

If your marriage is intolerable, then end it. Take some time to get your life together. Find a single guy who will treat you like you deserve to be treated. And most importantly, walk away from the married guy. You are being used for his enjoyment. Why would you want to whore yourself out to someone like that. (I used the word whore intentionally. It is exactly what you would call a woman your husband was seeing on the side. And I would bet it is exactly what your lover's wife would call you if she finds out about you.)
ehBeth
 
  2  
Wed 17 Feb, 2016 09:47 am
@Cpdgirl1622,
You're in a marriage with an abuser and also having an affair with someone who sounds emotionally abusive.

I suggest you arrange counselling for yourself as soon as possible.

Do not continue contact with the man you're having an affair with. He sounds like he could be dangerous. He definitely sounds bad for your mental health.

Please take care of yourself.
parados
 
  2  
Wed 17 Feb, 2016 11:26 am
@ehBeth,
ehBeth wrote:



I suggest you arrange counselling for yourself as soon as possible.




Agreed.

0 Replies
 
Cpdgirl1622
 
  1  
Wed 17 Feb, 2016 01:33 pm
@CoastalRat,
Thanks for putting that in perspective ,as much as it hurts to hear that I know it's the truth and that's what I've been thinking for a while now I just needed to hear it from a total stranger thank you so much really helps me a lot, now the hard part will be not answering texts from him and getting him out of my head and heart
ossobuco
 
  2  
Wed 17 Feb, 2016 01:43 pm
@Cpdgirl1622,
You can do it!
Take care of yourself.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Wed 17 Feb, 2016 03:45 pm
@Cpdgirl1622,
Cpdgirl1622 wrote:
the hard part will be not answering texts from him


start by blocking all numbers/contact sources he has
0 Replies
 
Iouman
 
  1  
Wed 22 Feb, 2017 11:41 am
@Cpdgirl1622,
You can do so much better than this. Go out and find a man who thinks your #1 in his book. Never settle for being #2.
0 Replies
 
Havetobeme
 
  3  
Sat 25 Feb, 2017 08:11 am
@Cpdgirl1622,
I hope you can get out of your bad marriage, get counseling for yourself so you don't get into another bad relationship. You deserve better. You're not a fool, you've been in an abusive relationship. I don't know your past or how or why you got into one but you need to get out of that first. All that relationship is doing is making you feel worse and setting up a pattern for you to continue into similar relationships. They make you feel like it's what you deserve. Please Take care of yourself, you just need to find yourself, your confidence in yourself, love yourself before getting into another relationship. Because if you can do that first you won't find yourself attracted to anyone who won't treat you as well as you deserve.
0 Replies
 
Jingleboots
 
  -1  
Wed 13 Oct, 2021 02:13 pm
@Cpdgirl1622,
There are quick ways to get a person like him out of your heart and that is to realize the true person he is. It probably wasn't real love in the first place. You are codependent and you enable him to control you and you allow the abuse. You should get counseling. There are so many people that mistake real love for codependency. The separation anxiety is tough, but it gets past a little quicker. Just repeat to yourself that you don't like this man, and you won't allow him to control you any more and you are going to be happy and find a good man!
0 Replies
 
Mrknowspeople
 
  -3  
Mon 21 Mar, 2022 01:47 am
@Cpdgirl1622,
Was it awfully wedded?
0 Replies
 
Mrknowspeople
 
  -4  
Mon 21 Mar, 2022 04:11 am
@Cpdgirl1622,
Hard to not say but maybe you could answer some questions. You do not like that he wants you to obey him?
0 Replies
 
Mrknowspeople
 
  -4  
Wed 23 Mar, 2022 05:09 am
@Cpdgirl1622,
Yeah, the part about you having him on your mind is a snag But, if you are getting abused by him...how can you love him?
0 Replies
 
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glitterbag
 
  1  
Wed 1 Jun, 2022 07:27 pm
@mmmchance,
You don't mean 'wrong', you meant 'unfamiliar'.......and instead of 'a man' you meant 'some selfish men'.
0 Replies
 
PoliteMight
 
  -2  
Wed 1 Jun, 2022 10:46 pm
@Cpdgirl1622,
1. He is married.
2. He has children.
3. I could careless what he does to you in the bedroom as a sex thing or whatever BDSM, or dominating, or power-rush bs via XXX-bedroom-stuff. However the reality he is taking out his stress from his real life ( like some kind of lifetime movie ) and to be honest you could also not be the only person he is with. I would stop talking to him and move on. Just be like.

"It is over go back to wife" and cut him out of your life by whichever or whatever means. If he somehow loopholes this fact, then get a restraining order.

1. Married
2. children

are red flags. My motto is to date people who are not in any of those at all. I do not care how much of a "loser" or bs they might be. Look for a guy that could be a "home-improvement" project, or a "fixer-upper" guys do it too.

They will take some dilapidated sex-deprived gal, get her in a loan contract, and pimp-her-out like a car. I am not kidding. You have tons of single guys young and old, who have the ability to work and need somebody to motivate them.

If the controlling thing is a sex thing. I mean okay continue your lame affair/adulterous life. But that is all on you. Again you are hurting the children and you are hurting his wife as well.

He needs to grow up and you need to find a real man. Not some r-tard who is too much of a loser not to do what he does with you, with his real life.
0 Replies
 
Mrknowspeople
 
  -2  
Fri 3 Jun, 2022 12:56 am
@Cpdgirl1622,
Yeah, unhappy means you need to be happy. They should make marriage a banned item. Obey? That is so kinky and stupid. Oh that is great how you planed it - dump his ass obeyance style.
0 Replies
 
Mrknowspeople
 
  0  
Sat 5 Nov, 2022 08:23 pm
@Cpdgirl1622,
That's ruff. You should enjoy the sex you can get. See who comes along and if somebody who is great motivates you to leave, leave them.
0 Replies
 
 

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