Should I stay or go?

Reply Fri 18 Dec, 2015 11:25 pm
So to give some background. I've known my boyfriend since senior year in high school we worked together and went to the same school. We briefly ran into each other again when I was 21 he was hooking up with my xousin. At 24 we started dating after both of us were going through divorces. We dated off and on for a few years then he came back in my life a couple years ago and we have been steady since. I got pregnant 6 months after we started dating this last time and we now have an almost 1 year old. I am now pregnant with our 2nd child and due in 6 more months. I have loved him for the last 6 years. I have a child from my previous marriage and he is an excellent father to both our children. I also am able to stay home with the kids as well. I want to get married so bad. For the last year. The last 6 months have been agonizing it breaks my heart he won't marry me. I am Christian and have stopped attending church because I am so ashamed of myself having 2 kids by different father's unmarried while pregnant with a 3rd. I know people would welcome me. But it's how I feel about the mistakes I've made. We have lived together for the past year. I think we know each other well enough by now. When I've spoken to him about it he says he does want to get married one day and have a big wedding. I have told him I would like something smaller and intimate and want to get married sooner rather then later. He won't budge he says I am forcing him into it and he won't get married being forced. I'll haven't spoke to him about it in a couple months because it is such a huge blow up. My question is... when do you just give in and say enough is enough. Marriage is important enough to me to be a deal breaker. I have been a single parent before working 2 jobs and am not afraid to do it again. I just don't know what to do and no longer have parents or friends to ask these kinds of things...please helping
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Reply Fri 18 Dec, 2015 11:31 pm
What will marriage add to the relationship that isn't there now?
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Reply Sat 19 Dec, 2015 02:44 am
Oh Cvan. sorry about your dilemma. first of all both of you have been in marriage before.. right? your boyfriend might still be hurting inside and he love you that is why he has love for you and for the kids. he might also be shy to marry you then disappoint you like your previous husband. well said that you are a christian. visit your pastor together with your boyfriend and talk it out but before that sit down with your man do not sound like your are forcing him to marry by softly ask him if he feels that if you marry the marriage will crush or may be if he still hurting once you talk it out he will be able to open up to and Cvan take time also together with your man and be sure he will marry you. time will tell have patience my dear.
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Reply Sat 19 Dec, 2015 11:28 am
Find a church that will accept you and your children and your BF/father of your child.

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Reply Sat 19 Dec, 2015 04:05 pm
You say you are Christian and so I will assume you are not simply saying you believe in God (which is what I think some people mean when they say this) but rather that you have accepted Christ as per the teachings of most mainstream Christian churches.

I am Christian and have stopped attending church because I am so ashamed of myself
No need to feel ashamed. Church's are filled with people who have sinned and will continue to sin. Find a church that is preaching God's message of salvation and all that goes with it. Seek forgiveness and it will be given. That is the central message of Christ.

That said, as a Christian, you know that your current living situation is not one in which God approves and it will keep you from having the relationship with Him that He desires. You need to decide whether the sexual relationship with your boyfriend is more important than a relationship with God. If it is, then keep on keeping on. Otherwise, you need to think seriously about talking to your boyfriend about why you feel it is important to get married. But before this conversation, you need to decide whether your faith is more important than your relationship. Because if it is and you feel strongly enough about this, you may need to start sleeping in another room until he puts a ring on your finger. ( I know a couple who had 2 kids together. They began attending church and both became Christians and were committed enough to their faith that they immediately began sleeping in different bedrooms until they got married six months later. Neither of them has ever regretted the decision to do so and claim it was the best thing to ever happen for their relationship to each other and to God.)

Sorry for being long winded. Whatever you decide, good luck to you.
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