another woman lacking compassion but claiming she has it. Typical. You also seem aged, and you still don't have control over your emotions? is this also typical with most women?
If you LOVE someone, you will not do something that could hurt them. This goes for the dude too, but at least hes avoiding you, so he's at least doing his part. I've been in a relationship and there are times when I meet other girls that have a "spark" between us. I never act on it, because I'm in control of myself, I love my girl, and have a strong sense of morals.
YOU do not have that. You cheated. You should tell your husband. Now you're wanting to see this guy again after you guys agreed not to see each other so you can save your marriages? What is wrong with you? What do you think is going to happen if you start talking again? I mean, it sounds like you still like this guy and want something to happen. Cheaters I cannot stand.
By the sounds of it, it sounds like he left you in the dust and you're hurt by it. You just went a long with it because you didn't have a fall back. What if he had not gone away to save his marriage, would you have done the same?
While I'm all for people being the happiest they can be in life, you shouldn't do it at someone else's expense. Think about it, IF this guy had not gone, would you guys still be doing stuff? If that's so, then you should end it with your husband. Sounds like you're just with your husband now out of default and you don't want to lose everything.
Hope this wakes you up. Have some sense. Have some compassion.