First time cheater, why did it happen after I'd finally got married???!!

STOP!

Why ask us?


You said you don't want to stop.
Unless YOU want to end this, it won't happen - unless of course his wife finds out, which she will, since you agree women have a sense about things like this.

you seem to wanna justify your cheating by rationalizing that "Ive never done it before". DUUUUH, you get no extra credit ofre never before having cheated. The best thing between two lovers is TRUST. It outweighs sex and makes a relationship really golden, because youll do anything for your partner including die for her, and you know she feels the same way . You become a pair of great swans who live for each other and face the rest of the world as one.
Cheating permanently removes trust from your relationship and getting it back is almost impossible. Ive known several guys whose wives cheated on them and they decided to forgive and move on. Two of them have confided in me that its has never been the same since the trust went away.

If you can live that way, I suppose you can always engage in extra marital affairs with some impunity. If i was your husband, youd be history , cause I really like trust.

BTW, you must really think that your husband is stupid. You are probably leaving forensic clues all over the place. My first wife had an affair and I got suspicious when shed come home after a night out with the girls but had applied new coats of lipstick. Later, it was e asy putting more evidence together cause she got sloppy and assumed that I too , like you, was being figured as being oblivious.

I wont judge you bc Im doing the same thing. But if you dont want anyone to find out you shouldnt have never told your friends. Some stuff you just take to the grave with you. You want to vent well here you go but I dont care how close you think you are to your friends. I mean jeez some people say "i just told one person and that is my best friend". But you told 3?! Come on! Be smart have your fun and stfu. Unless you want to get caught.

you know what they say, 2 people can keep a secret as long as 1 of them is dead

If you're this conflicted and you're confiding in friends and have them pray for you then it's time you called a shrink to really help you sort out why you're doing it. Otherwise, you're going to wear out your friendships with your behavior. An affair has the excitement element, but it also makes the person involved extremely self-centered and preoccupied.

just out of curiosity, why did you get married at all

You say you feel so guilty but not enough to end your infidelity... my question to you is "What would it take for you to end it?"

If you've lost desire for your husband, it is more than a fling. Instead of spicing things up, you've switched to a relationship with a new guy who is not going to leave his wife and effectively dumped the old guy. You need to think about that because you are really going the wrong way. By the way, guys can be great detectives also.

I have another question:

Why would you treat someone you love this way?

Does it not matter to you how hurt and betrayed he's going to feel when, yes WHEN, he finds out?

This quote above spells time bomb. Three kids under 4 years old?

LOL You already told three friends and you thinking it going to remain a secret?

If they are married they are surely going to tell their husbands and more likely some of their other girlfriends who are going to tell.......

If your poor husband does no know now he will in a very short period of time.

Wonder how your children will look at you afterward.

Oh side note when I was dating a co-worker I would know who is doing what with whom in short order at the work place.

Never had a clue when I was not in such a relationship as men tend to talk far less then women it would seem.

Lord do they talk.

Entertaining story.
Thanks for sharing.

Yes who know if the poster is a 40 year old man looking for cheap amusment.

First, welcome to A2K.

Second, you don't need advice -- you already know the answer to what you need to do. Stop the affair, even if it means finding a new job, and get your head on straight. Therapy is certainly one option. Another is to realize that your marriage is a continuation of the old patterns. I'm not sure why you decided to get married after 14 years but perhaps it was because you thought it would give your relationship a new spark (or perhaps it was simply a financial consideration...). Whatever the reason, you're married and you're bored.

Mr Penis allows you to feel excitement that you haven't felt in years. He flirts with you (I'm guessing your husband doesn't). He makes you feel desirable and pretty (I'm guessing your husband doesn't). He gives you a reason to wake up in the morning and think that this day is going to be a happy day (I'm guessing your husband doesn't). You feel taken for granted and stuck in your marriage. Mr Penis allows you to feel alive and vibrant. No big surprise that you're more attracted to Mr Penis than your husband.

My suggestion is to ask your husband out on a date. Throw your energies into rekindling a spark in your relationship with your husband. Tell him you're bored. Tell him you want to feel alive again. Tell Mr Penis that he's got 4 children and a wife who trust him and he's letting them down and that you need to be able to look at yourself in the mirror in the morning and respect the person who looks back at you.

You owe yourself and your husband a chance to make your marriage work. If the relationship has run it's course then end it. Your daughter will survive. So will you and he. If you do leave your marriage then best wishes and good luck. I hope you find happiness. It won't come from Mr Penis.

Either the poster id full of shinola; in which case who cares?
Or the poster is doing something wrong that she absolutely knows is wrong
and intends to keep on doing. Her only hesitation comes from fear of being
caught. In which case it doesn't matter what anyone says.

again? http://able2know.org/topic/133575-1#post-3686592

3 kids under 4 - seems to be a run on them in the younger man world

I think you're right about this, you know why? Because if said adultress was really having an affair I don't think she'd be so casual about calling her husband "hubby." Also note, the disclaimer: he has 17 children under the age of 4, but we have great sex and chemistry! Wheeee!

Geez, ebeth, how do remember these posters? I'm impressed.