First time cheater, why did it happen after I'd finally got married???!!

I was simply offering conflicted the argument in the event of her husband finding out.

Excluding the moral components, the scenario is similar to russian roulette. There is a thrill every time you spin the barrel and the chance of your number coming up is small, but if your number does come up, the results are devestating. Most people think playing russian roulette is pretty stupid based on the benefit derived versus the risk taken. The conclusion I draw from Conflicted's posts is that perhaps the results are not all that devestating in this case.

From Conflicted's statements, we've learned the chance of the husband finding out is small. The chance of her paramour's wife finding out is small (but she has no control over that and leaves it to her lover to worry about.) The enjoyment from the affair is high, but it's not like this affair is hot and heavy; strictly for fun a couple of times a month. If her husband did find out, the revelation will likely end the marriage. Normally, I would think that the last statement kind of overwhelms the previous ones. While the probability of detection is small, the destruction of the marriage would seem to be a pretty severe consequence. I wouldn't play russian roulette with a gun that had one thousand chambers and only one bullet because even though the odds are pretty good I'd get away with it, the repercussions of being wrong are still too high.

I think it is a logical conclusion that Conflicted at heart believes that if she was detected, she could live with the loss of the marriage.

Which is to say that think her protestations of love for her husband are false.

I am inclined to agree.

Is there an amount of money you would play RR with a 1,000 chambered revolver for?

And one has to admit that "attractive, fun-loving, late twenties divorcee" ads are likely to attract far more interest than any ad the husband could come up with assuming he isn't well off.

RR is a form of risk taking that is frown upon however there are many other form of risks taking that hundreds of thousands of people enjoy doing every year.

Mountain climbers for example could get the same degree of exercise at a gym as climbing a mountain without the risks.

As a young man I sign up to jump out of a perfectly good airplane in fact paid a far sum to do so times after times.

The first 10 times or so I went up in a small aircraft I did not land in it.

I can still remember the great high the first time I landed and found out that I was still in one piece and I had indeed done this crazy and completely out of character deed.

OR the thrill the first time I pointed my ultralight into the wind and took it off the ground waving to the onlookers during the take off roll.

Engineer we are not at all time reason driven beings.

Bill, there's a world of difference between risking your own life and risking the lives and well being of others.

RR just isn't a good metaphor for infidelity.

You call this advice for Conflicted? C'mon spendius, this is more you patting yourself on the back for being obtuse and brilliant.

It's the reward versus the risk that counts. Mountain climbers do not get the same reward from the gym that they get on the mountain and they do take steps to mitigate their risks, just as Conflicted is taking steps to minimize hers. The risk of dying from jumping out of perfectly good planes is 1 in 100,000. Mountain climbers also know the odds and the risks. The chance of not coming home is probably smaller than sky diving. If you were engaging in activities where there was a ten percent chance of being killed, I would think you were either a lunatic or suicidal. I probably take a 1 in a thousand risk of getting a major injury (painful, but not life threatening or even life limiting) every time a play tennis. That risk would be too high if it was my life at risk, but I'm just risking some surgery or some down time recovering, so it is worth the benefits to me. Conflicted is probably facing a ten percent chance of being caught. Once again ignoring the moral component and just talking about the risk, that doesn't put a large value on the marriage. If there was a ten percent chance of my getting seriously injured playing tennis, I wouldn't do it.

It's definitely a stretch. I only use it as an extreme to point out that in the risk versus benefit world, Conflicted's choices tend to point to a marriage that is not all that valuable to her.

I and you think that the risk of being found out is fairly high however by her statements here she does not place the risks she is running at all on the high end.

Frankly my view of the risks she is running if she keep this up for any length
of time is even higher then your 10 percent.

What govern here is her idea of the risks she is running not ours.

You forget that she is "conflicted". It's not just a moral conflict, it's a conflict of how she feels about herself, her husband, and her marriage. Her marriage is probably extremely valuable to her but her thoughts are clouded by her conflict. The bottom line is she's messed up and it's rationally thinking about any of this -- which is why I think her chances of getting caught are higher than she does. Folks who think they've got all their bases covered seldom do.

that should read "isn't rationally thinking about any of this"

It would be if he shot her as some men have done.

I think she feels somewhat exhilarated by it, too. By the sound of her final post she seems to be winding down with the guy. I tend to think she'll get away with it. Both of them have too many reasons to be discreet.

Yes, I wonder what she thought of all the advise or if it influenced her actions. I guess we'll never know, but I enjoyed the debate.

It might have had an effect on some chap who is being showed the subtle green light at work and save him from the mangling jaws of the shredder.

I doubt it mind you but hope springs eternal.

I enjoyed the debate, too. Now, all we're left with is kicky and his shower curtain. Not nearly as interesting as infidelity.

I think it is Gala. Two mighty forces are in opposition.

One is the satisfaction of ladies with their "house" to which the male party is an adjunct. The facilitator.

The other is related to the un-natural substance plastic which Mailer was pretty convinced caused disease.

Of course, kicky's preference for non-plastic would need to extend to material exclusively from natural sources which, if I may say, God given rather than man given.

I don't take showers. They prevent mental cogitation which a nice hot bath encourages. In fact I tend to think that people who shower are wary of too much cogitation in case it leads to a perception of what an asshole they are.

I don't think it's that interesting, it sounds typical and boring to me. who cares about some whine/yelling fest he had with his girlfriend when really the issue is they're desperate to have "someone."

It's kicky's apartment, not the girls. The girl (so far) sounds as if she's got a brain the size of a pea.

Have you never heard of the extraordinariness of the ordinary Gala? Ordinariness represents more fundamental forces that fashions do.

"Pea" is a trifle ordinary if I might say so. Try "pip" next time. And with a "fig pip" to follow after a dramatic pause.

conflicted's difficulties would not have been interesting if they had been unusual.

Oh, spendius, as usual you turn things around, make it ornate and Dead On Arrival, so you can prolong the conversation-- or maybe it's so you can have the last word. Well, it's all yours.