First time cheater, why did it happen after I'd finally got married???!!

You also need to evaluate if it is WORTH it to you to fix it.
Just because you have been with someone for a long time does not make them the end all say all of your life. As you grow you change. both of you.
I think this society has drilled into us that divorce is just BAD and that we should always do everythign we can to avoid it for some unseen moral reason. As if we will be less than if we chose that route.

If more people would just relax and be comfortable with the wax and wane of relationships, I think we would see that not everyone is comfortable or happy in ONE relationship for the rest of our lives.

It is ok to find that you may not want to stay in your relationship. You can love your husband with out staying married .
But I am not attempting to put words in your mouth or give you a decision.

Just another perspective.
One I am living in right now actually.
We became more comfortable with each other going through the above then we did before hand. It was just really hard to get over that perceived " gotta stay married no matter what" idea.
Especially with a kid involved. Everyone thinks you should stay married for THEM.
Honestly, I would rather teach my child to be comfortable with her life decisions even if they are major , and have her learn to watch her parents in LOVE then just cohabitating out of responsibility. Dont deny yourself your love or your life for some invisible 'moral' reason.



oh dear.
I just wrote a book. HA!
sorry

Right on, She.

You do remember your vows?

Why did you not say until I get a little tired of the relationship or find a man who turn me on more I will love and honor you in.............

I wonder how many men would be willing to start a family and take on the responsibiltiy under those terms.

That is what we have now but throwing it into the men faces would not be wise.

You are being too simplistic, BillRM.

Vows are futile. Nobody can predict how they're going to feel down the road. Any number of things can happen between two people which can kill or change the love they once shared.

And what is love, anyway? It's different for everybody. I'd bet that the love felt between two people is almost never the same at the same time. And over time, sometimes it deepens, and sometimes it dwindles. There's no crime in that. It's natural.

Many split ups occur without the intervention of another person. You can just reach the end of your road together.

That is a strawman argument. The "unseen moral reason" is merely a socialisation method to reinforce a far more practical necessity in relation to property,child care and risk of inbreeding and, indeed, general stabilty in society. The use of the phrase is irresponsible and serves merely to belittle the practicalities and pretend they are of no account.

I do not care if there is another person or not involved as long as your partner is living up to the terms of the contract/relationship and is treating you with respect and love you have zero moral rights to walk away and that go 5,000 percent more if there are children in the mixed.

It would be ok if you had told your partner upfront let get married and start a family and if the relationship get boring to me I will then walk away but be sure to get your child support checks in the mail on time afterward. Oh, I might or might not also allow you to see the children a few days a month.

No fault divorce on it surface it an insane deal for men and not all that good for the children and the one reason I did not re-married until my possible child rearing days was far behind me. On top of that I have a pre-nup written first and knew the lady for 22 years before taking vows that have a moral but no legal meaning as far as men are concern in this society any longer.

In Brave New World Huxley forsees "unseen moral reasons" for changing partners every night because "relationships" were anti-social.

Well, that's your opinion and you're entitled to it.

Yes it is surely my opinion and I can only wonder if your husband if you have one knew ahead of time how you feel about your vows.

We didn't say any. It stands to reason that when you decide to live with someone you're doing so because you love and respect them, therefore, vows are unnecessary. And we have an understanding to be faithful to one another, so again, a vow is unnecessary. Vowing a thing doesn't make it any truer than not saying a vow about it.

It's my personal feeling that if I don't want to live with him anymore, I'll leave him and not get involved with another person until we have ended the relationship and live separately. What can be more honourable than that? Who needs vows?

It's my personal feeling that if I don't want to live with him anymore, I'll leave him and not get involved with another person until we have ended the relationship and live separately. What can be more honourable than that? Who needs vows?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
No children no married no problem at all.

What do children have to do with it? Do pets matter, too?

Hmm well I do not think there are many men who would start a family with a woman that state she might or might not allow the man to raised them with her as an intact family as it is all up to her future whims. No misconduct or misdeed on his part needed just that she had growth a little bore with the guy.

The sad part is it is under her whim under current law but we all can think/hope that the woman mean it when she take her vows.

On a lighter note - maybe Conflicted could get some insight here.

waitin for the punch line-try it again

Why do you think she told her friends?

hmmmmmm

try this one.

maybe because she was conflicted?

Effervescing with validation more like.

oh, ye of little faith.

It's a chick thing. Women like to TALK about what's on their minds. She decided that her husband wasn't the best person to spill her soul to and she'd talked herself out of seeing a therapist. Next best thing.... the trusted friend group.