My wife constantly makes the same point.

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So nearly every time we have a argument she brings this up and I need to get some feedback. A little backstory: I have been living with PTSD for many years and have my share of episodes and bouts with depression as well as anxiety. She is for the most part understanding unless it involves me acting rudely toward her or treating her badly as a result. Her same point is that she hears my tones and demeanor with our grown kids and they differ from the signs of depression that I show her and nobody else. I have always thought that it's pretty basic that we as human beings put up a front so to speak around people we aren't comfortable with bearing those feelings in front of. She insists it's proof I don't love her. My question is this. Is she right to think that way, am I right to let my guard down to her? Any input will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 4,571 • Replies: 8

[+3] - PUNKEY - 02/01/2015"Something that would be hard for the kids to differentiate in my opinion and I try not to worry them." So - you speak/act one way to your wife and another way in front of the kids?...

@alwayscloudy,

I'm not sure I understand your situation perfectly. Sorry if what follows is off the mark. I think there are degrees of letting your guard down. It's good to have someone that you can express your deeper thoughts and feelings around, but I think there's a limit. When it gets to the point that you're disregarding her feelings, then maybe a little more guarding is called for.

How do your tone and demeanor differ when you're talking to your kids and when you're talking to her?

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@FBM,

To be honest, I don't notice the tones or demeanor I have in regards to her, I'd assume they are either on the gloomy side or the irritable one. What I mean is I confide and trust in my wife to not judge my illness and also for her to understand it's not her, it's the PTSD. Something that would be hard for the kids to differentiate in my opinion and I try not to worry them.

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@alwayscloudy,

Perhaps you can provide more necessary background info: such as, are you in individual therapy? Are you and your wife seeking counseling...couple's therapy?

Seeking feedback from strangers on the Internet is not going to help much with getting to the problem. Professional counseling might help you both.

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@Ragman,

I myself am in therapy off and on since acquiring PTSD. I've suggested couples therapy multiple times but she shows very little interest.

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@alwayscloudy,

Ragman is right, of course. I'm not a therapist or anything remotely similar. What I said was just my take on what I'd think if I were in your shoes. I wouldn't drop my guard 100% with her if I knew it hurt her. She might feel that she's being taken for granted or used as a target when you vent. Not sure, of course. Best of luck to you, and again, Ragman is right about getting a pro to talk these things out with.

Edit: I just read your reply to Ragman. Scratch that last bit unless she does begin to show interest.

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My question is, what are YOU doing to avoid PTSD?

I mean, you must be doing something from your part to recover, I don't think that you are just accepting your condition and trying for the rest to deal with it without you doing anything to at least diminish the symptoms.

If you say you are working hard to overcome PTSD, I guess you wife still don't see it.

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"Something that would be hard for the kids to differentiate in my opinion and I try not to worry them."

So - you speak/act one way to your wife and another way in front of the kids?

That means you can control it. You just choose to unload on her. Not fair! You call it being comfortable with her enough to unload on her. Not fair!

She ought to tell you to take your issues to your therapy group or therapist, and not put your issues on her back.

You sound like you know when these episodes happen or what your triggers are. Call your therapy sponsor or go for a walk.

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@alwayscloudy,

Sounds alot like my PMS! lol, my hubby always knows when my cycle is coming cuz for 3 days I get irritable. Hes learned to leave me be, and it passes. Maybe you and her can discuss that option? If you have cycles, she can recognize and understand them? You cant control PTSD no more then I can control pms which is worse or better depending on the month.

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My wife constantly makes the same point.

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