@Gala,
17 children under the age of 4??? Just how many wives does this guy have?
@ehBeth,
See divorced with prenup, as is with this, a new member since Nov.12, 2009. ebeth, your sleuthing is so excellent you've motivated me to try a little bit of it.
@Mame,
I don't know where the number 17 originated. He has 3 kids that are 3 & under.
From the replies I gather folks don't like cheaters. I too, hated cheaters until I became one. I'm not trying to justify that it is happening. I am very conflicted & I simply wanted advice from those that may have found themselves in a similiar situation & how they handled it. I'm not worried about my three friends telling my secret. Two of em' live out of town & I have known for many years. If it is found out... It won't be my girls. I've read all the comments & though some harsh.. I appreciate the input. In response to why I married my husband, I love him & I felt after 14 years together, it was the just the next thing to do. I'm going to eventually stop. I just don't know when or if it'll be of my own accord. And I fully agree I'll just have to face & accept the consequences.
@BillRM,
I assure u it's a reality & I am the 30-something wife...
I was searching for articles on my type of infidelity situation & this is how I came across this blog. I read a discussion posted by a : Claudia & thought I'd see what kinds of comments /advice my situation would elict. I have no reason to bullsh*t around. I really just wanted to vent
@JPB,
Thank you JPB, you really spelled it out. I have honestly thought of seeking therapy to resolve old issues in my relationship turn marriage-- but I stop short bcuz I think the therapist would want to include my husband & then my escapde would be outed. I sincerely appreciate your words of advice & I thank you.
@Conflicted,
No, they don't need to see your husband and they aren't allowed to discuss anything you've said. Lots of people go solo. Good luck, conflicted.
@Conflicted,
If you go to a marriage counselor then the "marriage" is the client and they'll want to talk to both of you together. Private counseling is yours and yours alone. Your counselor may suggest that you seek marriage counseling. If you go that route I would suggest a different person than the one you are seeing privately.
@Gala,
Why is it casual that I call my husband, my hubby? This is how I refer to him whenever I talk of him... That or 'my hunny'.. & yes I still love him. I'm just being selfish right now.
@Conflicted,
You're on an ego trip babe.
@Conflicted,
Conflicted wrote:
I'm just being selfish right now.
That sounds like a justification to me.
@farmerman,
You are 200% correct. You have nothing without trust & I certainly felt this way when I was on the receiving end of deciet. I don't mean to make excuses. It happened. I didn't try hard enough to stop it and now I'm just trying to make it right... But I don't want to end the fling....I just don't know how to handle it except to keep hiding it.
@Mame,
For all of us Mame?
I saw Cosi fan tutti today on Sky Arts. You have the Despina philosophy. Restoration of the matriarchy.
No chance. The sensible women know better.
I thank u for all of the input. I'm going to call it a day & process what I believe to be honest & valid insight. For those that think this is a joke or that it's my ego. You couldn't be more wrong. This is my life & a grave indiscretion that I am truly attempting to deal with. I know I'm not the first or the last misled, bored, selfish, (whatever adjective you'd like to insert) that will struggle with this kind of situation. If I didn't want to try & make it right I never would have landed on this site. Know that I will definitely take JPB & Gala's advice into consideration, as I found it most neutral. I too had pondered therapy & attempts to fall back 'in romantic love' with my hubby. Appreciate the words... Signing off & out
so-so conflicted... but in a new, mindframe :~)
@spendius,
I do? Hmmm.... I don't think so, spendi.
God damn
people sure wanna hang cheaters by their nuts huh?
Anyway.
If it is something you enjoy, something that is safe , then YOU know the consequences and it is up to you to weigh the options.
People can judge from their own place all they want but the fact of the matter is that it isnt them in the middle of this so what they 'would do' only applies to you.
But i have to agree... if you have lost the drive for sex with your husband, something else is wrong and it may be a bit more then you being 'selfish'
Do pay attention to that ! Seriously!
Because if it was just a fling, just for fun, and you were not missing something, you would not come to that point of feeling a loss at home.. know what i mean ?
@shewolfnm,
Thanks... Not that you are on my side, but you get it. It's easy to say what one will or won't do when you aren't in the middle of it. I do ' know what you mean' & hopefully I can find out what the disconnect is & fix it before it's to late. Appreciate the honest insight.
Ahem...
There are how many children caught up amongst both his and your families?
If you are under any sort of misconception that how is pans out only effects you, snap out of it. There is no way the pay off is worth the risk. If things are lame with the husband, don't let your relationship with your kids be a casualty of your curiosity. He has kids too. This really isn't acceptable.
It's not about liking or disliking cheaters either. If no kids were involved, I'd be inclined to just say: "Do as you wish. You know the consequences, and it's your conscious to answer too."
This is NOT that case.
K
O
