Well, both CJane and I thought of it, me probably several pages ago. It's not you so much, as your sister, who seems a prototype. Though you aren't without a role in it, in the desire to get along for the family good and readiness to see your own shortcomings -- not that I'm criticizing. But there sure is a dynamic. I relate to your behavior.
You're getting there, k. Don't fret.
Things are gonna change! (In fact, the changes are underway, already!)
Hang in there!
Well, it's thanksgiving and 3 months beyond my last day at my sister's. We've seen each other a few times and things are still strained.
The first thing she said to me when I arrived at our parents was that she was probably getting a babysitter to sit with the kids three days after school for only 100 dollars. Ok. I tried to back-tread out of the conversation. She continued to explain that this was a college student taking care of kids to make spending money. She has a car and will bring them to and from after-school activities. Oh. So, I guess the difference between you and she is that she is probably having her expenses taken cared for by her parents and you weren't. Mmmm. She was expecting a response from me, but I have no idea what she was expecting. I said, Good for you. And left the room.
Today she took a odd stab at me about my personal food choices. I don't eat much meat, I do eat turkey a few times a year. My niece decided to not eat mammal meat a couple years ago. My sister blames me despite the fact that she switched after she found out that 2 of her young cousins are vegetarian. That isn't such a big deal for either of us adults - I thought. Tonight my niece said no to sliced turkey and yes to turkey burgers and my sister said, I wonder where she gets THAT from and rolled her eyes. I asked how that had anything to do with me and she said that I eat turkey but not chicken. Um..... not quite the same thing really. She agreed and I left the room again. The thing is that it seems sort of shrill like something is still pent-up.
Maybe things'll go back to normal by next summer.....
My cousins, sisters, still have this all going on in their sixties.
Don't be a blanket, but also don't feed the machine. Someone isn't grown up quite yet, and it's not you, except for buying into this rigamarole even to worry.
MMM, hence my attempts at leaving the room.
Dont laeve the room lilk. Give her a shock and stand up for yourself.
Mmmmmm, probably not. Well, I did point out her logic was faulty about the meat-eating thing.
Last thanksgiving, she left early under a black cloud because things didn't go her way.
Does anyone else in the family say anything when she does this kinda thing?
I guess I'm too old to put up with that **** from anyone anymore.
I wouldn't fight, that's what the other person wants, to drag you into their drama.
Personally, whenever that stupid stuff comes up, I'd say whatever necessary to move on.
Re the college student "Well, that great, I guess we don't have to talk about that anymore then." Then don't.
re the turkey/meat/mammel/chicken...a very blunt "I'm not getting involved in a discussion about this" then move on.
Then, if you two end up with nothing to talk about, well, then you've learned all you two had to talk about involved catty comments and fights.
littlek wrote:
Last thanksgiving, she left early under a black cloud because things didn't go her way.
So What?
Shes a big girl with a big mouth and needs to be responsible for her words.
Standing up for yourself is the only way to make her realise she is being completely unfair.
I'm not fan of conflagration at family get togethers. They're often alcohol fueled, and even if not, better handled with a private meeting, a serious private meeting. Drama in the name of righteousness gets to be theater of the absurd. Feel free to do that yourselves centerstage.
Of course I'm not a fan of being run over either. Rather than leave the room, standing in place is not a runaway move.
Still, if one person is being an ass, letting them do it, letting it roll off, only highlights the absurdity. Sparathons over h'ordeuvres - wearying over decades.
That part I do agree with dadpad.
Let her live in her own dark cloud world.
Sometimes, with anyone, family, friend, business associate, you really have to draw up a balance sheet. I know that sounds cold, but that's what it comes to.
Without looking back on all the posts here, what I remember from all this is that....quite bluntly...
(a) your sister treats you like ****, and
(b) your mother let's this happen.
(c) you let this happen
If you would take your sister, for instance and give it some serious thought, what kind of balance sheet would you come up with?
It seems there a lot more negatives than positives.
yeah, I know the nieces/nephews would count on the asset side, but seriously, how many liabilities are they worth? I mean, now you can't even be with them without hearing how you've negatively influenced them in some off-the-wall rationale.
Your sister knows she's got you by the short hairs because of the kids.
Put the kids on their own balance sheet...they're old enough to be independant in your mind from their mother.
littlek wrote:The thing is that it seems sort of shrill like something is still pent-up.
I suspect there's a lot pent-up in L.
The closer you get to being a qualified professional, the shorter that fuse is going to be.
You're moving out of your assigned role in her personal drama.
~~~
Hopefully, your b-i-l can prevent the kids from learning that her intra-family behaviour is acceptable and to be replicated.
If anyone has the right to be upset, then it's you littlek. Your sister
was exploiting your for years, and part of your financial misery is to
blame on her. Paying you peanuts and not even supplying health care
or vacation pay, never mind a 401k, should show everyone what kind
of sister she really is.
There seems to be a lot of denial in your family, but taking advantage
of a family member in this manner, is beyond denial. Everyone in your
family should be ashamed that they stood by and let it happen, including
you, littlek.
Move over, gustav, before I mow you down!
