family vs finances

Well, the sister's husband was right in the first place, re setting up lilK as an employee. The sister is a regent wannabee, getting the best of all worlds, a deal, and being lordess of the manor without the, er, paperwork. (shaddup, osso, you are digging yourself in). I see her as both slick and needing to be superior.

Probably I come on too strong, and don't fully comprehend matters.
I'm quite the financial fool myself and may be going too far.
But, littleK, it seems to me you are the only one doing Nice.

I can understand carrying that through for just a bit longer. I can understand revolting as well. Given you just deal with it and live it out, please don't just obliterate it as a mere aberrance. Learn from this.

BM

Keeping in mind that I don't know all of the dynamics here I suppose I would do something like....

On a Friday - or whatever day you won't be seeing them for the next couple of days -- I would say: "Alice", I really need to talk to you and "Ben" about my job. I can come in to work early Monday morning if you two can schedule some time with me.

(This gives them a couple of days to panic.)

On Monday morning I would sit down with them and say "I have looked over my finances and there is no way that I can continue working for you over the summer if you can't pay me for the weeks you'll be gone. I've looked around (you should be looking around now) and I can't find anything that will allow me to continue to eat and accomodate your travel schedule. If you can't pay me for those weeks, I'm going to have to take another job and I won't be able to return to work for you when you get back."

Add...

"You know how much I care for "Carl" and "Doris" and I want to be sure they are well taken care of so I wanted to give you a heads up on my situation."

Then...

Shut up. Don't say another word. Make them say something first. (The fatal mistake people make when negotiating is talking too much.) Fold your hands, put them in your lap, lean back and wait as long as you have to. (It will be much harder than you think to not speak first.) Make them decide. Be prepared to live with their decision.

But that's just me. That's what I would do. Your situation may differ.

That was good! Couldn't do it with family.

I agree with CJs recommendation; 30 days notice, and find another job.

If she wants to use you again, get it in writing.

By demanding you be treated fairly, that's how! I'm with Osso and get fumed every time I see you being taken advantage of.

I'm putting my foot down at the moment with my mother, so you comin for the ride?

Perfect. Lay it all out for them, then let them make the first move.

What Boomer said.

It looks like your sister is taking advantage of you. And she knows you love those kids, your family, and put it before even filling your own stomach!

If you let this pass, without asserting yourself now, do you think it will all be over when you go on to your new job away from nannying?

Somehow I doubt she'll let go of such a good thing so easily.

Actually I meant the Osso's sig line, though the other line was good too. Sorry to be unclear.

Boomer's scenario is quite nice. I know you already said you can't. (Why, exactly?)

Hey lil'k, I have a question for you. Are you a legit "employee" in this? Or are you considered a contractor? (or is all of this under the table? )

Littlek (been so long since I've been here!) I feel for ya honey, I really do. This has been going on for so long and I am just so happy that there is an end in sight for you. TADA...it's such a nice thought.

Hard getting there though, eh?

You say you didnt have any arrangement prior to this --- but, you did. You had an arrangement to work. Kinda simple. Try to think of it that way.

I know, I know - family - which makes it even worse if you ask me.

She didnt tell you about these plans when you made the plan to work for her so um, I think it's a bit unfair on her part to now say oh yeah, by the way for two weeks you wont be getting paid - deal with it. Maybe you should ask her how she would do if she didnt get paid for two weeks? Luckily she has someone to assist, probably has a good savings account, etc and wouldnt be as worried about it as you. Still - how does she think you should deal with it and how can she even ask? Wait - TELL you to deal with it. Or EVEN worse - ask your parents to deal with it?? GOSH.
The nerve.

I know that if you do what you should be doing and lay down the law with her - you will never hear the end of it, you could put your relationship with her and the kids in jeopardy, etc etc. And it sucks that she is putting you in that predicament. And she is. And she should either know that or be told that in no uncertain terms.

If it wasn't a family member then I would say - go tell her that you cant work for her for the summer if you wont be getting paid for the summer you have bills to pay, best of luck.

Who will be looking after her house while she is away? Is there something you can work out to get some pay for that time at least to do that for her?

The kids in camp thing just kills me. Good for the kids but ummm..hello what the heck are you supposed to do for two weeks? Yes sir, Id like a job for two weeks, thanks. ??? Oiy.

I know you are going to struggle to do this in a way that causes the least amount of friction especially now since there's a glaring light at the end of the tunnel. Still, food is good.

I dont know what way to tell you to go but, you should get some vacation time - typically anyone over 30 hours is considered full time (or thereabouts). I think you working 3/4 time has nothing to do with it in that aspect. DO I think she's going to give it to you - no. Unfortunately.

She's got you where SHE wants you (and always has) and will do what she will do - damn the consequences. You on the other had keep that in mind and want to fluff it all and make it nice. Neither one of you will change and at this point - maybe you shouldnt - wont make a difference and will probably keep the relationship intact in some way.

Sounds like you have already started getting odd jobs for the time so, thats good. Now, to find you more.....hummmm. I'll keep my ears open?? LOL. Really though...thinking of you.

Thing is, littlek, what your sister is lacking you've got in a double package:
kindness and compassion!

Trust me, in the long run she'll get what she deserves. Maybe not today, or
tomorrow, but some day she will.

Did I ever talk about my Uncle Murray? He started from nothing and made a fortune, stepping over many people in the interim. His favorite expression was:

"Never do business with friends and relations".

I have always valued that piece of advice.

This is an awful situation for you, k. I'm so glad you'll be out of it soon. So, after being your employer & relying on you for 8 years, she tells you that she's withholding two weeks of pay because she's made other arrangements for that period. No legitimate employer could get away with that. But she can because you're family, the conditions of your employment are fuzzy & she knows she can get away with it. She knows because she's done things like this before & you've worn it. She's a scumbag & she's taking unfair advantage of you. Frankly, if it was me, I'd make other arrangements immediately. Go get a bar job or waitressing for the summer. The concerns about family should be a two way thing if they're to mean anything: You care about causing upset by removing yourself from a crappy situation, but she doesn't seem to care about the impact she's having on your life by her stinginess. Give yourself a break & extricate yourself from this mess if you possibly can.

I've told this story before on a2k and Abuzz, but it also applies here. When our mother passed away, we had a sibling meeting about what to do with mother's home. I said I didn't want any part of it, and that was the same position my younger brother took - as he's already wealthy. I suggested that our sister get 60% and our older brother get 40%. That was agreed upon, but during the subsequent years, our older brothers children used the house for many years without paying rent, and thrashed the place. They never did any maintenance on the house. Our sister paid the property taxes every year.

Years later, after they vacated the house, my sister remodeled the house so she could sell it, and finally sold it.

That was about 15 years between our agreement and when the house was sold.

I'm glad I was never in the middle of that!

According to the IRS they are supposed to treat me as an employee, take taxes and all. But, since they are family, we have been using the 10k tax free to family members loop hole. So.....

Did your brother get 40% of the sale?

Good to see ya Quinn!

I am getting more and more pissed off. I really don't think she's intentionally trying to take advantage of me. I think that this is just part of her personality. She likes her money, she feels she deserves what she gets and she's rather possessive about it. I am still waiting for the email from them. Apparently, organizing the photos she took this week was more important. I'll request an email before work on monday.

But now I have to go to the library for the day (found one open on Saturdays!).

40% of the profit.

Whatever stance you take, you should rip a page from her book and use it on her. She's tight, cheap, watches every dime...you need to DEMAND whatever it is you're looking for. Detail it in writing, and tell her you won't accept less. Maybe it's the way you approach her that makes it easy for her to treat you this way?

Slappy, You are correct; we let others take advantage of us if we let them. We always have a choice. All the blame doesn't go to the sister. The word "masochist" comes to mind.