family vs finances

littleK, some family members grow and expand, and some contract and explode.

Don't let past expectations and dynamics stop you from being who you will be. Family is often the most difficult obstacle to self-worth..

yes, gustav, quite.

You're sharper than a tack, littlek.

Yes, rockhead.

I do appreciate everyone being so squarely on my side (even if you condemn me to being a push-over).

nOT AT THE MOMENT. Oops.

Certainly not by intent, I promise. I may be too close to the trees...

In what sense, Rockhead?

Overcoming the family stigma during the Holidays.....former perceptions, etc.
I have a VERY screwy family dynamic, by the way...we kinda skip a generation around here, with varying success...

You have no reason not to be proud of yourself, and the fact that we outgrow others plans is not our fault...

Being proud or being ashamed - I just hope family life becomes normalized.

I hope for you that yours does.

Mine will not, but I don't base my own opinions on much of what is there, cept Gramma, and she's cool... (reminded me about raincoats the other day, at 87)

Sorry to hear it, Rockhead (not about grandma, though). I'm hoping and thinking it's not too late for my family. But, I also don't know how to fix it.

For many years with me, it was watch and analyze. Any wrong action just makes it grow.

Best Holiday wishes...

RH

Thanks.......

Certainly.
Keep your chin up, and yer dukes if necessary...

You know, k, there might not be a loud BOOM! right away, but down the track .....!

These things can be sublimated for a time, but eventually they demand to be dealt with! As I have found in my own relationships with my own family.

You will deal with all this at a time when you are strong enough & able to & when it's critical for you to deal with it. I haven't a doubt about that.

Tough Love time.
Well you are a pushover lilk. Even the kids in your class recognise that. Its because you want people to like you and thats a really nice thing but Sometimes you've got to just say: I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more!

Very telling statement littlek "I also don't know how to fix it"

So, you are the one responsible for fixing others?




Viewing it from anothers viewpoint, say your sister...If she is also expecting You to be the one who is "able to fix it", it her mind that might mean, doing it HER way.

Ultimately, everyone is only responsible for fixing their own stuff, or, maintaining it in good working order.

Well, talking this out when you are on a family visit, say, over a weekend, sure. I am opposed to doing the emotional drama dirge in mid thanksgiving celebration, whatever the provocation. A short one-liner response is enough, preferably not of the f/y variety.

So.. a straightforward comment when being accused of, say, making children veggie copies of yourself - that's the normal thing, though I'm also open to letting clanging silence do its job. I don't think the yearly holiday meal is just the right set of hours for a complete rant-trade. If a sane discussion could happen, then again, sure.

By fixing it, I meant my end - clearing the air for my own sake. Very little would entice to me to try and 'fix' someone else.

I'm with Osso. This is not the time. I have stuck up for my self at times, just not all the time. I do it when I've processed and when I can do so as calmly as possible.