Sick of being turned down by wife

I read an interesting article where Kate Beckinsale was quoted as saying" Women feel sexy when their partner makes them feel beautiful. And men feel sexy when they have sex. So when a woman feels beautiful, she feels sexy and wants to have sex, therefore the man feels sexy too"

This rung true to me. After 12 years of marriage I began to feel like my husband wanted me to fulfill his sexual needs without my needs being met. My needs were more along the lines of helping get the kids to bed before I was too exhausted to have sex. Or help get caught up with the household chores or just to take some time to ourselves and remind me why he loved me.

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Have you considered marriage counseling?

Not only will the counseling be helpful... it gives you a chance to express and work these things out.

Asking your wife to go to counseling also is a very clear form of communication that 1) there is a real problem and 2) that you are serious about working it out.

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I remember watching a talk show that dealt with women who have had several children and lost their desire for sex.
Having had only one child myself, I know how exausting it can be to chase them around day and night.
I truly can't imagine how wiped out I'd be after chasing/catering to 4 children 24/7.

I was wondering if you help your wife a lot with the kids? Does she work outside the house as well?

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I suggest a nice secret affair with a 19 year old. Or just get yourself a hooker.

Someone had to offer the alternative suggestion.

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Re: Sick of being turned down by wife

jakeman528 wrote:

We have four kids and the youngest is nine months.

I can't think of a better reason to not want sex. She's exhausted, mentally and physcially - and it all started with sex.

I suggest you first get a vasectomy, leave the kids at the grandparents and go away for a weekend at a nice hotel where your wife does not have cook, clean, change diapers or listen to any whining (including yours).

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Yeah, I would vote for the weekend getaway without the kids. It can do wonders to jumpstart a sagging relationship. But go somewhere that you can have a lot of alone time just to sit with her and have relaxing conversation. A secluded mountain cabin is great for that. Especially one without the distraction of a tv. My wife and I just got back from a few days at just such a cabin as we celebrated our 25th anniversary, and you wouldn't believe the way it made us both feel 20 years younger. And the sex was something else too. After all, not much to do without a tv up there. I would tell you all about it, but it would probably be too much for you.

So yeah, take her away for a weekend. Even if it doesn't jump start your sex life, it will be worth it and give you two a chance to talk without the distraction of the children.

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Re: Sick of being turned down by wife

Green Witch wrote:

jakeman528 wrote:
We have four kids and the youngest is nine months.

I can't think of a better reason to not want sex. She's exhausted, mentally and physcially - and it all started with sex.

I suggest you first get a vasectomy, leave the kids at the grandparents and go away for a weekend at a nice hotel where your wife does not have cook, clean, change diapers or listen to any whining (including yours).

Sorry Green Witch. But these sexist answers really bother me.

If this were a woman complaining that her husband wasn't paying attention to her... and I posted that the wife should take the husband out, treat him well and spare him from his wife's whining-- what would your reaction be?

There is a real double standard here. If a wife says that her husband isn't paying attention to her, it is obviously because her husband is screwing off. She should lay down the line and insist that he change quickly. If a husband says that his wife isn't paying to her, it is obviously because he is screwing off. He should change quickly.

Do women have any responsibility in a marriage (or are they just always the good, caring partner in a relationship?)

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I like the mountain cabin idea. You can take her huntin' and fishin' and offroad driving or if its wet .... mudding!

Teach her to gut fish and skin deer. Then tan the skin using old urine, make bone needles from the deer skeleton to sew new clothes.

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dadpad wrote:

I like the mountain cabin idea. You can take her huntin' and fishin' and offroad driving or if its wet .... mudding!

Teach her to gut fish and skin deer. Then tan the skin using old urine, make bone needles from the deer skeleton to sew new clothes.

all right cj, what have you done with dadpad?

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dadpad wrote:

I like the mountain cabin idea. You can take her huntin' and fishin' and offroad driving or if its wet .... mudding!

Teach her to gut fish and skin deer. Then tan the skin using old urine, make bone needles from the deer skeleton to sew new clothes.

Oh she'll love that! Laughing

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You have four children. How old is the eldest child? If they are all small, your wife may be exhausted from running after them all day. Did she WANT four children? Maybe she is fearful that sex=more babies.

How was your sexual relationship before she had children? If it were good,
there may be something else going on in your wife's life. As I have mentioned exhaustion, and the fear of more pregnancies.

Instead of "begging" have you sat down and discussed with her why she is averse to sex? Often a heart to heart conversation will clear the air and open up some doors to communication.

I agree with the members who suggest a romantic weekend away from all the kids. Enlist the help of parents, in-laws, brothers, sisters, and anyone else who is capable and willing to babysit your kids for a few days. Get away from the kids for awhile, and be just a romantic couple.

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msolga wrote:

dadpad wrote:
I like the mountain cabin idea. You can take her huntin' and fishin' and offroad driving or if its wet .... mudding!

Teach her to gut fish and skin deer. Then tan the skin using old urine, make bone needles from the deer skeleton to sew new clothes.

Oh she'll love that!

You know that beer ad... WHAT?

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dadpad wrote:

msolga wrote:
dadpad wrote:
I like the mountain cabin idea. You can take her huntin' and fishin' and offroad driving or if its wet .... mudding!

Teach her to gut fish and skin deer. Then tan the skin using old urine, make bone needles from the deer skeleton to sew new clothes.

Oh she'll love that!

You know that beer ad... WHAT?

No I don't know it. Sounds fun though.

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here you go msolga

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=he4fBK3d8hk

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I found this in an old magazine. In the fifties people found it helpful.

It's funny how after 50 years... people on this very thread are giving almost the same advice to have a good marriage.

Quote:

How to be a good husband

* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for her return. This is a way of letting her know that you have be thinking about her and are concerned about her needs.
* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when she arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. She has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. Her boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
* Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your wife arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
* During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for her to unwind by. Your wife will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to her comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
* Minimize all noise. At the time of her arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
* Be happy to see her.
* Greet her with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please her.
* Listen to her. You may have a dozen important things to tell her, but the moment of her arrival is not the time. Let her talk first - remember, her topics of conversation are more important than yours.
* Don't greet her with complaints and problems.
* Don't complain if she's late for dinner or even if she stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what she might have gone through the day.
* Make her comfortable. Have her lean back in a comfortable chair or lie her down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for her.
* Arrange her pillow and offer to take off her shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

* A good husband always knows his place.

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dadpad wrote:

here you go msolga

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=he4fBK3d8hk

AAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

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Thanks, dadpad.

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ebrown_p wrote:

I found this in an old magazine. In the fifties people found it helpful.

It's funny how after 50 years... people on this very thread are giving almost the same advice to have a good marriage.

Quote:

How to be a good husband

* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for her return. This is a way of letting her know that you have be thinking about her and are concerned about her needs.
* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when she arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. She has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. Her boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
* Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your wife arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
* During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for her to unwind by. Your wife will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to her comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
* Minimize all noise. At the time of her arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
* Be happy to see her.
* Greet her with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please her.
* Listen to her. You may have a dozen important things to tell her, but the moment of her arrival is not the time. Let her talk first - remember, her topics of conversation are more important than yours.
* Don't greet her with complaints and problems.
* Don't complain if she's late for dinner or even if she stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what she might have gone through the day.
* Make her comfortable. Have her lean back in a comfortable chair or lie her down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for her.
* Arrange her pillow and offer to take off her shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

* A good husband always knows his place.

I think there may have been a liiiitttllle cutting and pasting going on here

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Quote:

How to be a good husband

* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him.

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Sick of being turned down by wife

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