Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Well, it seems to be a common punch-line anyway (and a fairly obvious one, even if clever). But I had never heard your lead-in to the punch-line. And Spendi's probably right that in "real life" no priest would be likely to be all flustered by a well-endowed cashier. But, then, bad jokes are not generally set in real life milieus.

That's likely because real life is a bad enough joke.

An ant crawled. Toward what? hahahahhahaahhahahahahahahahahahahaa! See what I mean? Some people loved that joke, while others disapproved. I, personally, found it to be riotous.

C'mon, gus. This is supposed to be a thread of bad jokes. You can't post good, hilarious, intelectually stimulating jokes like that here.

Of course he can. He just did.

For many years, I've battled with the infamous "Dunlop's Disease" ...
a condition caused by age and lake of proper maintenance in which
your "stomach `done lopped' over your belt."

I had noticed that most women do not suffer from this condition,
many of them accumulating any excess weight on the hips and thighs,
and/or under the belt.

I've recently discovered, however, that some women also suffer from a
malady similar to Dunlop's disease in that it is also caused by age
and lack of maintenance called "Bureau Breakdown" ...
in which your chest falls into your drawers.

--Emmett

I just saw a film about a cloudy day with too many actors........ It was overcast.

An Italian man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the
nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a
solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file .

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss,
and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife’s."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The Italian man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

Well, you're clearly on the right thread.

Good to see you back with us.

Too soon roger, we like about 50 pages to go by before we repost that one

http://able2know.org/topic/84440-122#post-4815932
http://able2know.org/topic/84440-46#post-3174095

What'e green and sounds like a carrot?
A parrot.

Nate Fernald, Time Out NY, March 8-14, 2012.

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The priest said,
"Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like,
but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."

She lived in the monastery for 5 years before the priest said to her, "Sister
Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You can speak two words."

Sister Mary Katherine thought for a moment and said, "Hard bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the priest said. "We will get you a better bed."

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called in by the priest.
"You may say another two words, Sister" he said.

"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine, and the priest assured her that the
food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the priest again called Sister Mary
Katherine into his office; He said, "You may say two words today."

"I'm leaving," said Sister Mary Katherine.

"It's probably best," said the priest. "You've done nothing but bitch since
you got here..."

***

Whoops.

There's Lmur!

Such is my ego that I remember everyone who took time to write while I was in the hospital

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from my shower , I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so , he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

'If you want your breasts to grow , then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.

Willing to try anything , I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror , rubbing it between my breasts. 'How long will this take?' I asked.


They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies.

I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'

Without missing a beat he says , 'Worked for your ass , didn't it?'

Why can't you get a Panadol in the jungle?

The parrots ate 'em all.

Definitely has to be said out loud.

In the interests of cultural inclusivity I looked to see how universal Panadol is - according to wikipedia it's the most popular paracetamol brand - but in the US paracetamol is sold in liquid form with the most popular brand being Tylenol. Sigh.