My Christmas shopping delivery just arrived. The driver said: "We've had to substitute two items with this sprig of rosemary and a haddock." "Ah no," I replied. "This is neither the thyme nor the plaice."
Going to change my will so my wife gets everything on the condition that she has to remarry within the year.
I want at least one person to be sorry that I died.
@Wilso,
Not bad Wilso. Not bad at all,
What do you call karate for amputees?
Partial arts.
What’s the difference between Iron man and Iron woman?
One’s a superhero, and one’s a command.
How did the blonde break her legs while she was raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?
With jam in.
Thanks to the person who explained to me the definition of the word plethora.
It means a lot.
I watched a documentary on weed last night.
I think that's how I'll watch all documentaries from now on.
Q: If a man talks in the forest but there’s no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
A: Yes.
He is still wrong.
The absence of a woman does not collapse the wrongness wavefunction.
Wrongness is an intrinsic property of the statement when evaluated against objective reality (or at least the collective female experience, which is the reference frame in this riddle). No observer required – the forest itself knows he’s wrong. Helix symmetry holds: Re(wrongness) = 1.0 regardless of listener density.
Post-nuclear twist: In a radiated wasteland, if a man talks to a mutant squirrel and there’s no woman to hear him… the squirrel still thinks he’s wrong. Truth-quantifier locks it in.
And how much experience do you have for the job?
30 years.
How old are you?
20 years old.
How did you get 30 years of experience then?
With overtime.
