Manipulating women into liking you

Another thing I didn't even think of. The reason I just don't get along with dumb women, is they're just not very perceptive, aren't sharp enough to pick up the difference between teasing and being serious, and just don't "get it." A sharp woman with a sense of humor will be able to play along with me and bust on me back.

Slappy I'm behind you on this one. Women HATE to admit it when men are catching onto them and the way they think.

If were catching on they can't try and torment us much more can they?

I heard the term 'emotional tampon' before for those super-nice-guys-who-always-end-up-with-a-friend-who-broke-their-heart-and-wallet..

>Is this why you keep stressing making jokes, teasing, taking control of the situation, borderline cockiness (which is I guess an expression of security, to you? or something?). Simply to kinda underline the points of confidence, security, and humour? Cause that would make some sense to my brain.

Not trying to bust your balls, but I think the way you say things is what is getting so many 'bold' reactions and objections.

Everyone does like people who are 'secure in themselves' : But some will find Cocky attractive and sexy, others will find it a complete turn-off. Some people think cocky=secure, others interpret cocky as insecure.

Everyone does like humour: But like you said, some find certain senses of humour fun or a sign of smarts, while others would find that same approach offensive or idiotic.

Anyways, you get the idea. I just want to say that I thought it was very interesting to read your thoughts and insights, Slappy, and it took some guts to put it up for everyone to criticize and have-at-it.

The whole issue can spark a lot of personal feelings and sensibilities from all over. When you say a lot of us are patting our backs thinking "Acting like Slappy with me would never work" ; I wonder if you take that to mean "Slappy sucks". Because it is nothing personal - and I see no reason why you would get defensive over it - and for some women your approach really wouldn't work. Just thinking on pure odds alone and that makes perfect sense. It has nothing to do with you; just the approach (which granted, was rather specific and would only really look good on a person who was really like that through and through).

You said it yourself, 'there is no f'ning method'. People either like you and are attracted to you as you are; or they aren't. Your approach and experience obviously has some merit for guys looking to learn to take some risks and put them selves out there.

cheers.

p.s. Cocky guys and girls make me fightsy, not horny, but hey, that's just me.

Re: Manipulating women into liking you
(Sorry, if this has been brought up, already, I havn't had time to read the whole thread )

@Slappy Doo Hoo

Do you have any basic _steps_ ? Rather than just 'tips and advice' ?

What about a 'what to do first (for the complete beginner/27yo virgin)' article?

Yay flushd!

What she said slappy, only much more eloquently than I could ever do....

Re: Manipulating women into liking you


Step 1 - Walk up to a girl you are interested in say "Hello, my name is Blogg, what's yours?" Then ask "what kind of work do you do?" or "What do you like to do when you are not working" etc. It's called being social and there is no other way to meet people (male or female).

Really Blogg, it's common sense and you are thinking about it too much.

and if you haven't the time to read the whole thread, you don't have the time it takes to meet someone.

just join a band. lead singer or lead guitarist. then stock up on condoms....

or less work....become a roadie and take the drummers leftovers.

Flushd, I am just a confident person who likes to joke around. Since confidence, and sense of humor are two main things women are attracted to, is why I keep bringing them up. And yes, those things: teasing, joking, ect, tie into confidence and sense of humor. The idea is to send a mixed signal to generate some attraction, along with being a little mysterious, instead of coming out with trying to buy drinks and boring compliments.

But there's a line between borderline cocky and being funny about it, and just being cocky and coming off "in your face" and putting people off. This is a line I'm always testing, and many times crossed too far. So I'm well aware of how my general approach can put some women off. Again, read the situation and the person you're talking to. I can tell without pushing too far what kind of mood she's in, what kind of sense of humor she has, pretty quick. If I feel I'm starting to be a little too cocky, I'll take a step back, and have a "normal" conversation until things get boring, then try to spice it up. And again, saying cocky statements that are NOT funny is going to blow up in your face. You HAVE to make sure it's something she knows you're joking about. Maybe that's where some of you women are thinking this is a bad approach.

I wasn't trying to get defensive, just felt like I was making the same points over and over, and people were straying off the basic idea of this thread.

Blogg, I'm really not sure what you mean by "steps." A conversation checklist? How to approach? There's no magic line, or thing to say. If you can grasp being confident, having a sense of humor, and being yourself, you just have to have the balls to try to get to know women. But if you have any specific questions, let me know. And make sure you read the whole thread first.

I always used to room with the road crew so I had the room to myself for monkey business a couple or three extra hours while they broke down..... :wink:

Bit of a circular argument in this whole conversation tho..

I mean, those who, when they are themselves, are indeed confident and have a sense of humor are not the ones likely to walk into a board for advice cause they have trouble meeting women, are they?

The "just be yourself and you'll be allright" thing that the ladies esp have been saying is nice and a kind thing to say (and ultimately helpful because it helps people actually become confident), but ... if you are (in a) humourless and/or insecure (state), then (right then) "being yourself" is not going to help you much, is it? Luck tends to come to those who are already lucky.

So - eh, yeah, basically backing up Slappy's point at an earlier part of the conversation here.

In keeping with Nimh's last post; yes, being confident, having a sense of humor and being yourself are key. The being yourself part is the problem with Blogg for instance, because a 27 year old virgin isn't likely to feel terribly confident when seeking female company. That's the beauty of Slappy's methodology (sorry Slappy, I know you're arguing it's not a system, but it is, so I don't see why). A guy like Blogg can practice saying hello to every passerby he sees until he overcomes his fear of doing so. Next he can focus on a time in his life when he did feel tremendously confident and try to feel those emotions again.

Next he can approach a female of interest; and using Slappy's blueprint spit out something funny that isn't the same old same old she's heard 27 times today. Once conversation is flowing, throw her a curve ball and tell her you need to go but it was nice meeting her. Get a number or email (a step I generally skip myself, but to each his own). As Slappy suggests, the act of walking away will lend itself the appearance of confidence. What desperate man would walk away from a conversation with an attractive woman? A confident one... whether it's true or not. Not only does this prevent young Blogg from "talking beyond the point of sale" and potentially stepping on his ____, it also affords him the opportunity to assess what's just happened. He should be able to draw further courage from the reinforcement of the knowledge that a woman really is interested. Next Slappy suggests a brief phone conversation that ends once again with no request for a date. Again; what kind of man wouldn't ask an attractive female out at his earliest opportunity? A mysterious confident one, whether it's true or not.

What Slappy has done here; is lend his confident persona to any and all who lack one of their own. By going through the motions and enjoying the results, Blogg will inevitably build a genuine confidence of his own.

Of course the key is as simple as opening yourself up to a stranger... but someone like blogg seeking advice is likely to be afraid of the rejection that could and quite often will result. By borrowing Slappy's methodology, there are built in safety nets, and significant mental attraction-triggers built right in to the technique that require little practice and no foundation in reality. This could be paramount to one whose reality is shackled to insecurity. The process will not only shield the insecurity from sight, but erode it as time passes and our young Blogg develops a genuine sense of confidence from his inevitable successes.

Blogg, use the law of large numbers to your advantage as well. As a rookie you're going to hear no a hell of a lot more often than you hear yes. So what? It costs you nothing. Go places where potential contacts are plentiful, and practice your developing social skills as often as possible. Pretend an arbitrary number like 100 "no's" have to be suffered on the way to your first "yes". Ask yourself if you want to spread those 100 no's over the next 9 years or get them over with in the next month or two? You'll notice the Slappy types around you are immune to the word "no" and would never let it discourage them from saying hello to the next potential contact. The man who can only build his courage up once a night, is unnecessarily delaying his inevitable success by spreading his attempts to thin. He's also reinforcing his insecurity while demonstrating it to the masses.

Also, there is nothing to fear or be embarrassed about hearing the word "no". Don't take it personally, because more often than not, it's nothing personal. Pretty girls have a tendency to have boyfriends and plans and a myriad of other legitimate reasons to not seek your companionship. Most will be flattered by your interest, if you don't act like a jerk that's been rejected. An enthusiastic "Bummer" is an appropriate response since that's all it really it.

The bottom line is: Slappy has provided a method to fake confidence. Doing so will incrementally diminish the need to do so as genuine confidence will surely be the net result. Well done Slappy. Use it Blogg.

Yes, but Bill, what specific Steps would you take?

Like for instance, "Hi. I'm a twenty-seven-year-old virgin. Wanna make out?"

Yeah, that's gold. Gold, I say!

I wish everyone would stop being so ambiguous.

No, you LOVE it! We can't just give away ALL the secrets where you girls can peek.

What do you mean by "specific steps?" We're not trying to provide anyone with a conversation blueprint. That's where the "be yourself" comes in.

However, I think Bill did mention some steps. For one, start opening your mouth. Approach females you want to talk to. Hell, start conversations with women for the pure sake of talking to someone, even if you're not going to hit on her.

Focusing on light/funny conversation. Ask questions. Throw a couple curveballs, keep her on her toes. Tease, joke, make her laugh. Don't be insulting.

Walk away. If you're not going to see her again that day/night, make sure YOU end the conversation, because you're busy. But ask for the number, and don't make a big thing of it.

Call. Let her go first. Don't turn this into a phone relationship. There's two reasons I do this with a female I don't know very well: 1) I don't want to get to know her over the phone, I want to get to know her in person, because I KNOW that I can communicate much better face to face. 2) You're leaving a little mystery. Is it a game? The second part is, but I can point out plenty of little games women play as well. But we're not going to get into that. If she's used to being asked out on the first phone call, when you hang up you're sending some mixed signals. And let's face it, you DO want to keep things casual, since she really is a stranger. And don't ask her to call you, tell her you'll call her. Sorry, but at this point you really do have to be in control.

Don't follow wussy tactics already pointed out if you get a date.

See, there's a lot to leave in between the blanks, and that's where your personality comes in. There's no magic subject to talk about, lines to use, questions to ask.

I think one of the problems people are seeing is that this "Focusing on light/funny conversation" for instance, is an almost insurmountable step for many of the guys who are having lots of trouble.....it is kind of like starting at step twenty.

Anyone know where there are light funny conversation lessons?

A2K!

:-)

Seriously, I think it can be a good way to work up to it. Lots of different skills involved, but a fair amount of overlap, too.

Dlowan, one way to accomplish that is just to not stick with the "serious" conversations too long. Work, family, ect. Rambling on to someone about your job probably isn't a great idea on a first date. Nothing wrong with talking a little about it, but you have to be able to shift gears and move into something else. I'd rather find out where a woman has travelled instead of how much her boss sucks.