if you can't get laid at a wedding, there's something terribly wrong with you
Bill, I have to respectfully disagree with you. (Unless I'm misunderstanding your post.)
There was nothing wrong with my friend. She's a beautiful girl on the outside as well as on the inside (although I'll admit she's a little shy).
My point was about self-esteem. I was basically agreeing with the general premise of this thread about the importance of having confidence in yourself.
If any one of the men at the wedding in my story had a little more self-esteem, they could have asked my friend to dance, and she would have been delighted. Some lucky man could have left the wedding that night with her phone number.
Instead, they didn't even give it a chance with her because they let their insecurities get the better of them.
I can understand that some of them may have been intimidated....but was that her fault?
If someone wants to be successful at dating, they need to be willing to put themselves out there and have faith in themselves. Sure, you might get rejected -- but you might also get a pleasant surprise. How will you know if you don't give it a chance?
To be honest with you, I've been attending a support group lately that deals with relationships. It's been a good experience for me because we have both men and women in the group and we've talked honestly to each about our feelings re: relationships, dating, sex, etc.
I've learned a lot from the men in my group about how they feel. I've come to realize that men and women are not really very different when it comes to relationships and what they desire.
Men and women may have different approachs to romance, but at the end of the day, they want the same things. They want to love and be loved; they want someone who cares about them; they want someone they can laugh with and someone who will comfort them when they feel down. They also want someone who respects them.
This leads me to another point. IMO, the best way to demonstrate self-esteem and confidence is by being comfortable in your own skin. Just having the courage to be yourself. It may sound like a cliche, but it's the truth as I see it. There is just no substitute for being real.
Sozobe's and Chai Tea's posts are right on! They're not trying to give anybody a hard time -- they're just trying to give their honest opinion about how they would react to all these "lines," "strategies," "gimmicks," etc.
They are absolutely right that no woman who is really worth having is going to fall for that stuff. To tell you the truth, it does sound kind of silly and "high school." Any woman who responds to that is probably not too bright. In fact, pie crust should be that flaky. If you are picking her up in a bar, there's a good chance she's had a few drinks!!
I suppose that sort of stuff works if all you want is a one night stand.
But if you want something more, you don't have to be Mr. Heelarious or Mr. I'm-going-to-use-reverse-pyschology-on-you-and-put-you-down or Mr. Look At Me!!
You only have to bring your own unique intelligence, sense of humor, and kindness to the table -- along with the confidence to be yourself. That is what will be most appreciated.
I've tried to squeeze a lot of points in here, so I'm sorry if I've gone on too long! Thanks for reading! :wink: