Lol!
I used to be very serious, I think I kind of developed my sense of humour after leaving home.
But...is the damn thing universal, remaining undeveloped in some? Can everyone hope to achieve one?
I have a friend almost without one...and she is enormously clever, so it isn't that.
She can laugh at others' stuff.....but cannot initiate light, witty, silly stuff to save her life...and she certainly isn't shy.
Thing is, I think Slappy is right that that sort of conversation is very attractive, I am just not sure it can necessarily be developed...........and I think for lots of dateless guys the advice to engage in it might seem a bit like saying "Once you have climbed Everest...."
I hope it can!
See Slappy, you're just not being specific enough, some people just need some really specific step by step instructions.
Everyone so far as just be so vague about what to do to get a girl.
Can't anyone here give some specific, step by step examples, so someone would know what to exactly do?
It's getting very frustrating listening to all this nebulous stuff. It's like you're all just trying to keep this big secret to yourself, and won't let anyone else know.
Chai, if there were a specific step by step program one could follow and guarantee results, I would have had slept with a lot more women than I have already.
I'm giving some groundwork, and pointing out what I've found to be some "hot buttons" with women. Again, I can't tell someone exactly what to say during every step, which is why I've given personal examples. I will answer any specific questions best I can. If you can think of a situation of what a confused guy should have done, said, or how to respond, maybe I can give input. Or maybe someone(who has a clue) else wants to tackle it going into more details for you. It's just too general of a question, "how to get a girl."
Dlowan, of course it can be devloped. I've changed the way I speak with women over the years. A guy could read this, realize maybe he should be a little more bold, and not worry so much about impressing someone, rather than just having fun.
Actually Kicky's line would eventually work, if repeated. The "what you say" pales in importance to "if you say".
Specific steps, Chai?
1. Do everything within reason to make the most of my appearance. Clean, decent hair cut, manicure (you'd be amazed how many girls notice and like that one) and a decent set of clothes etc. etc. etc.
2. Go someplace public and population dense and spend the afternoon saying hello to any and everyone until I developed a comfort in doing so. Repeat the effort tirelessly until I felt no less comfort saying hello to a pretty girl as I did to a child or grandfather.
3. Put myself in positions where I'm likely to meet a plethora of eligible women and continue the forced practice of being friendly with everyone. Smile, smile, smile. Maybe even pretend when talking with a pretty girl that she's my grandmother, to eliminate the butterflies and maintain a consistent minimum level of respect.
4. Once conversation is running smooth, force myself to say something true like; "you know, you're pretty interesting; would you like to have lunch with me sometime? (Straight face, steady eye contact looking for buying signs).
A. If I hear "no" I have a boyfriend or some such thing, state; "bummer... maybe next time we meet." Use every ounce of strength in my being to hide my disappointment and change the subject back to something casual. At the next convenient moment; say something like "Hey, it was great meeting you. I'll see you around" (hoping beyond hope she'll stop me and exchange info, but not expecting it). Being a professional salesman; I know damn well every "no" excuse isn't legitimate and in fact many are tests to gauge your reaction to same.
B. If she does wish to have lunch with me, or suggests another venue or some such thing state: "Great" and pin down a time and a place to meet. Use every ounce of strength in my being to hide my excitement and change the subject back to something casual. At the next convenient moment; say something like "Hey, it was great meeting you. I'll see you _________" (hoping beyond hope she'll be intrigued by my casual display of confidence). Being a professional salesman; I know damn well every "yes" doesn't result in an actual sale, so it is paramount to maintain your composure and not overdo it or talk beyond the point of sale.
5. Repeat until chemistry with someone inevitably makes me forget I'm using a process and enjoy the results, all the while restraining any natural tendencies to overreact to any development, good or bad. Once a genuine connection is made; one needs no advice to recognize it. Let things progress naturally while gently pushing forward in the direction of the romance you desire. There's no rush, and the cat and mouse game of availability really is as effective as Slappy suggests. I am legitimately busy, most of the time, so I have no need to feign as much, but if you do, do it.
6. (for the total beginner) Gently pushing forward is expected from a man, and make no mistake; she'll let you know where your boundaries are and when you meet them. It is paramount that you maintain your composure and don't overreact when you encounter them. Be prepared to return to casual in the blink of an eye, without ever showing your needy disappointment. Turn the tables occasionally and be the pursued rather than the pursuer. Clever-fun things like "slow down girl" while feigning indignation with your hands up, " next thing you know you're going to try to get me to sleep with you". She knows damn well you want to sleep with her at the earliest possible convenience, but don't go thinking she isn't feeling the same way just because she wants to take it slow. How many times men have blown their chances by overreacting to stalls and stops? (billions, maybe trillions). Starts and stops are excitement builders for you both. Learn to enjoy them and the playful teasing that accompanies them.
7. Intimacy (only for the beginners, as natural progression is always best). Continue with the starts and stops like flirting. Take turns being the aggressor and the pursued. If you feel uncomfortable at the rate things are progressing, that's ok. Starts and stops only serve to build the excitement... just be sure and bury your insecurity deep inside and play it off as playful teasing. Women will succumb to sexual excitement just as surely as a man, so don't be surprised if your playful teasing nets you a very aggressive sexual partner, who'll lead the way for you. Paramount is the stifling of overreaction. Overexcitement can be creepy and overt disappointment is an unattractive indicator of neediness. Again, there is no rush, and there's no harm in starts and stops. Enjoy the process as it often proves more exciting than the actual deed.
That's enough or I'm going to start sounding like Dr. Ruth (if I haven't already). :razz:
6. Once romance begins to
Oh man, i give up...if you guys aren't going to give any specific steps or examples..........dang.
just all of you enjoy your secret society....i bet you have a secret handshake and everything....
Chai Tea wrote:Oh man, i give up...if you guys aren't going to give any specific steps or examples..........dang.
just all of you enjoy your secret society....i bet you have a secret handshake and everything....
How much more specific could I be? Do you want me to write you a "Sales Script" complete with cross-referenced rebuttals already prepared?
In truth, this too would work as I've trained many sales people who initially showed little aptitude but a willingness to learn. But, as Slappy has continuously stated; the magic isn't in the words, rather it's in the existence of
any words. Paramount is
trying , regardless of what's said. If a man walked up to every pretty woman he saw and told her it's too bad she wasn't better looking; eventually some lady would laugh and start a conversation. Obviously, his close ratio would improve with something smoother like "Hola"... pause, lean in and in a conspirator tone whisper "that means hello in Spanish" as if he's confiding in her something everyone doesn't already know. Latina's, especially, tend to find this routine hilarious, so it's a great ice-breaker. But again, the magic isn't in the fool-proof pick-up-line as any will erode with use. The most important factor is to say something, anything, and keep doing it until you succeed.
<sigh>
you guys haven't been reading bloggs posts have you?
if you look around for him, I was just doing my best imitiation, as that's all he keeps asking over and over again..
my talent is slipping....
I hope I'm not going a little off topic here -- but I'd like to comment on a remark that was made earlier on this thread, regarding the idea that good-looking women are constantly showered with compliments and flowers and inundated with offers.
Maybe someone can explain what happened to a friend of mine. She's from Slovenia, and she's quite a babe. She has blonde hair, blue eyes, flawless skin, and could easily be a model.
She went to a wedding recently with a rather plain looking female friend. After the wedding, there was dancing at the reception. One after the other, men came up to her table and asked the plain looking woman to dance, totally ignoring my friend.
Finally, a guy that she really liked -- and had a crush on -- came up to the table. Know what he did? He also asked the plain looking woman to dance and ignored my friend.
Well, that did it. She went to the ladies room to have a good cry in peace.
At one point, she told me she looked up and caught sight of herself in the mirror. She realized that she looked stunning (and she's not being conceited here, just accurate).
So she wondered why it was that she was sitting in the ladies room crying while her average looking friend was out there dancing with all the men.
In case you think the men were just cozying up to the average looking lady so they could meet my good-looking friend -- let me add that not one of them asked to be introduced to her. Not one of them asked her to dance all night.
BTW, she is one of the nicest, sweetest, kindest people you'd ever want to meet.
Anyone want to take a stab at this one? Why would that happen? Especially since good-looking women supposedly get all of this wonderful attention?
They assumed they didn't have a chance.
Fear of rejection is a powerful thing.
Bingo!! Thank you, sozobe!
You know, I often think that average -- or even unattractive people -- have a way of discriminating against good looking people.
They are so sure the good looking person is going to reject them -- they make sure they reject the good looking person first! They say, "No way! I'm not going to talk to that person. And I'm certainly not going to ask them out! They'll just say no!"
So they don't even give the good looking person a chance for the sake of saving their pride.
I also think that good looking are often not as hung up about looks as average people are.
I was coming out of a market the other day, and I happened to notice a very good looking man approaching. The average looking woman beside him was obviously his wife.
When you see an average man with a good looking woman on his are -- or an average woman with a good looking man at her elbow -- it may well be because they just simply had the guts to ask the good looker to go out with them!
The average person had enough self-esteem that they didn't immediately discount the idea that the good looker might like them!
OCCOM BILL wrote:Actually Kicky's line would eventually work, if repeated. The "what you say" pales in importance to "if you say".
Specific steps, Chai?
1. Do everything within reason to make the most of my appearance. Clean, decent hair cut, manicure (you'd be amazed how many girls notice and like that one) and a decent set of clothes etc. etc. etc.
2. Go someplace public and population dense and spend the afternoon saying hello to any and everyone until I developed a comfort in doing so. Repeat the effort tirelessly until I felt no less comfort saying hello to a pretty girl as I did to a child or grandfather.
3. Put myself in positions where I'm likely to meet a plethora of eligible women and continue the forced practice of being friendly with everyone. Smile, smile, smile. Maybe even pretend when talking with a pretty girl that she's my grandmother, to eliminate the butterflies and maintain a consistent minimum level of respect.
4. Once conversation is running smooth, force myself to say something true like; "you know, you're pretty interesting; would you like to have lunch with me sometime? (Straight face, steady eye contact looking for buying signs).
A. If I hear "no" I have a boyfriend or some such thing, state; "bummer... maybe next time we meet." Use every ounce of strength in my being to hide my disappointment and change the subject back to something casual. At the next convenient moment; say something like "Hey, it was great meeting you. I'll see you around" (hoping beyond hope she'll stop me and exchange info, but not expecting it). Being a professional salesman; I know damn well every "no" excuse isn't legitimate and in fact many are tests to gauge your reaction to same.
B. If she does wish to have lunch with me, or suggests another venue or some such thing state: "Great" and pin down a time and a place to meet. Use every ounce of strength in my being to hide my excitement and change the subject back to something casual. At the next convenient moment; say something like "Hey, it was great meeting you. I'll see you _________" (hoping beyond hope she'll be intrigued by my casual display of confidence). Being a professional salesman; I know damn well every "yes" doesn't result in an actual sale, so it is paramount to maintain your composure and not overdo it or talk beyond the point of sale.
5. Repeat until chemistry with someone inevitably makes me forget I'm using a process and enjoy the results, all the while restraining any natural tendencies to overreact to any development, good or bad. Once a genuine connection is made; one needs no advice to recognize it. Let things progress naturally while gently pushing forward in the direction of the romance you desire. There's no rush, and the cat and mouse game of availability really is as effective as Slappy suggests. I am legitimately busy, most of the time, so I have no need to feign as much, but if you do, do it.
6. (for the total beginner) Gently pushing forward is expected from a man, and make no mistake; she'll let you know where your boundaries are and when you meet them. It is paramount that you maintain your composure and don't overreact when you encounter them. Be prepared to return to casual in the blink of an eye, without ever showing your needy disappointment. Turn the tables occasionally and be the pursued rather than the pursuer. Clever-fun things like "slow down girl" while feigning indignation with your hands up, " next thing you know you're going to try to get me to sleep with you". She knows damn well you want to sleep with her at the earliest possible convenience, but don't go thinking she isn't feeling the same way just because she wants to take it slow. How many times men have blown their chances by overreacting to stalls and stops? (billions, maybe trillions). Starts and stops are excitement builders for you both. Learn to enjoy them and the playful teasing that accompanies them.
7. Intimacy (only for the beginners, as natural progression is always best). Continue with the starts and stops like flirting. Take turns being the aggressor and the pursued. If you feel uncomfortable at the rate things are progressing, that's ok. Starts and stops only serve to build the excitement... just be sure and bury your insecurity deep inside and play it off as playful teasing. Women will succumb to sexual excitement just as surely as a man, so don't be surprised if your playful teasing nets you a very aggressive sexual partner, who'll lead the way for you. Paramount is the stifling of overreaction. Overexcitement can be creepy and overt disappointment is an unattractive indicator of neediness. Again, there is no rush, and there's no harm in starts and stops. Enjoy the process as it often proves more exciting than the actual deed.
That's enough or I'm going to start sounding like Dr. Ruth (if I haven't already). :razz:
6. Once romance begins to
Lol!!!
This all makes being a man sound like it is a way sucky thing to be.....like that hilarious thread about what you thought about when having sex.....you know, the one where all the guys kept thinking about dead puppies and such so they wouldn't come too fast!
Bloggs is the one that kinda was the inspiration for slappy's thread, either that or the new guy, the "perp", as he hates to be called.
Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:
.if there were a specific step by step program one could follow and guarantee results
There is, learn to be a good rock musician and play lots live.
Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:Dlowan, one way to accomplish that is just to not stick with the "serious" conversations too long. Work, family, ect. Rambling on to someone about your job probably isn't a great idea on a first date. Nothing wrong with talking a little about it, but you have to be able to shift gears and move into something else. I'd rather find out where a woman has travelled instead of how much her boss sucks.
Oy! Light witty conversation is my best skill!
But, truly I have met guys who I cannot ever imagine being able to do that.....they just would not know where to start (and you have probably met women the same?).
Oh my god, this girl is such a dope.
