Manipulating women into liking you

I think that one of the divides here is the "dating", uh, paradigm (dammit) vs. "hanging out as friends and seeing what happens..." I don't think I've ever gone on an actual date-date in my life. I have gone to dinner and a movie with a person I'm already in a relationship with, but have done that with purely platonic friends, too.

I don't think I've ever, EVER, gone to a restaurant where the bill would total $150.

When I have gone on dates -- in the sense of "I'm interested in you, let's get together" -- it's been on the order of going on a bikeride together, or going to a local ethnic festival. Cheap or free, and when money was involved, divided equally.

The accent is definitely there and you get the impression that Slappy is ALWAYS joking. You actually can't tell when he's NOT joking.

This thread reminds me of a joke from the 70s. I don't remember the punch line exactly.

A man walks into a bar, walks up to a woman and says, "Hi, wanna ****?" She hauls off and slaps him. He goes up to another woman and says the same thing. She slaps him. A third woman, same thing she slaps him.

The bartender says to the guy, "Hey buddy, I don't think that line is ever gonna work."

The man responds, "Sure it does, I use it all the time, only 97 more slaps and I'll be getting laid tonight."

Well, that's what I said before: Continuously hit on women, until one responds favorably.

Slappy is very young (mid 20s) and from his perspective
things look quite differently than from others, who are much
older and look for more consistency in a relationship.

You know I completely agree with you on all of this thread's stuff, Soz - thats how I live too and I dont think Id really like it another way. And yeah, I have met the lovers I've had through like, gradually hanging out and being friendly first, so ... and that was good. Then again Ive never wanted to do the dating scene so unlike Slappy, Im guessing, I havent actually been with 20 or 30 girls.

All that said tho, I must give Slappy this much: in the course of all that, I do end up in this trap every once in a while where (in a situation where a real, serious love relationship is out of the question in any case) someone you wouldnt have minded spending the night with doesnt want to sleep with you anymore because you know, by then you're friends - and they dont wanna risk losing a good friend. The "I like you too much to let you be more than a friend now" thing, yeah and yes, thats of course in any case already a standard line to gently dump someone you're not really interested in anyway, but it can also be true - I've had that hesitation as well with someone I wanted to touch but also not lose as a friend - its just I tend to pay it no mind. Girls are a little more likely to do, and sometimes that does suck, and you go - **** - if I'd played this differently I could have had slept with her now. Then again perhaps also not have had her as a friend now.

<sighs> Whichever way its a bloody mess this, the game of attraction and sense.

Yeah...I have only really "dated" in the last few years...when the pool of men I met and hung out with who escalated to a relationship kind of dried up, as everyone got so damn busy at work.



And, really, I think only airhead women seeing airhead men here get paid for on "dates". I find the whole concept of men paying utterly weird and quite gross, though I gather it has remained common in the US.

Occasionally a man has paid for me...like on special occasions etc, but I am also going to be paying for him on special occasions for him. When I was still a student I let my very successful lawyer fella pay for parts of restaurant bills, because he wanted to go to places that were waaaaay beyond my means.


I do note that men older than I are sort of hesitant re the paying thing....so I firmly take charge....but men my age and younger assume payment is equal, at least in the groups I hang with.

Lol! So do I...


Next time I'm in Europe, do we have a date?



:wink:

Wrong. Not saying that at all. When I mentioned trying to talk with a lot of people, it's an excercise of getting used to being comfortable talking to strangers, and building up confidence. I never even implied "hitting on until one responds favorably."

And I'm almost 30 now. I don't care if you're 17 or 60, confidence is still attractive. Obviously with older people this is a little different, because a 60 year old woman isn't drawing attention from everything with a penis. I'd guess the dating pool is a little smaller in that age group.

I pretty much agree with everything Soz said. Slappy is coming from a different world from me - he is in my age group though, so it has nothing to do with that.

Has anyone here ever read Maxim? The advice there seems to be aimed at the same goal "Do you deserve a hotter girlfriend?". "How to get a 10 when you are a 4". The object seems to be: find someone to lay who is approved of as 'hot' by a bunch of loser men. Sorry. That's just how I feel. It's superficial.

There is nothing wrong with getting laid or looking for it. And Slappy did title this "How to manipulate girls into liking you". !

But...uh...getting laid is the fricking easy part! Anyone can get laid. It's the other stuff ....

If I met someone acting like Slappy described, I would be super turned off. Not just to date the person, but to be around them. "what a cute little overbite" would be followed by "what a cute little lonely ass you're gonna have " as I got up to walk away.

I feel better now. It's not in me to be so polite and not say how i feel.

What about STD? It would put a crimp to one's cruising.

The title was a joke. I have no clue how to manipulate people, and I'd rather be upfront and honest with women rather than playing games to get them naked with me.

And I'm not talking about what to do to get laid quick. I'm talking about attraction. You want to go and try to get laid? Or you want to keep their interest long enough to date? No difference.

The only thing I keep hearing over and over from you women is "that line wouldn't work on ME." Stop focusing so much on the exact lines I've used as examples, rather than the reasoning behind it. And I never said use something like the overbite line as an opener. I wouldn't expect anything but rejection walking up to a girl and using any opener based on a physical fault.

Slappy has unwittingly hit on the super secret way to "picking up women."

Don't try.

Slappy's methods are crude and borderline at best. Working so hard at trying to pick up women by not trying to pick them up is almost self defeating. But Slappy has discovered the one thing that is the ultimate aphrodisiac, confidence. It comes in many forms. Ultimately it means being comfortable with yourself, no matter who you are. That doesn't mean you have to exude some overbearing personality. It just means you have to be you.

I think every young man has gone through a period when they felt they would never get a date. It's part of growing up. The hormones are raging and you are uncomfortable with yourself. Once you start to find yourself things will change if you are willing to go there.

The beauty of not trying is that you don't have to pick up women, they will pick you up. That is where it gets difficult if you don't naturally know the dance.

A few rules to live by.
Rule #1.Women come in all shapes and sizes but inside where it really counts they are all fascinating, intriguing and sexy. They may not seem that way to you at first glance, but they are. (This is the rule that will overshadow any other. Forget it and you will be lost.) All women are fascinating, intriguing and sexy.

Rule #2 Treat women with respect. They are human too. Sure we all act like jerks at times but this one needs to be followed for the very real reason that women run in packs. (They all go to the bathroom together where they exchange notes with every other woman in the world.) You are going to meet a lot of women in your life. If you remember rule #1 and #2 you will do well. You aren't going to be attracted to all those women but remember they all have friends that want to meet great guys. Don't be rude to the plain jane that doesn't interest you. She could be friends with the hottest thing around. What kind of a recommendation do you want?

Rule #3 Every man is attractive to some woman. The problem often is you don't feel something reciprocal at first glance. Slappy may call this lowering your standards but see Rule #1. That doesn't mean you have to be attracted to every woman because we aren't. Nor should you jump on every woman that expresses some interest. (Rule #1 only says women are sexy not sex objects. Rule #2 says you should treat her with respect. Don't lie to her to use her just because she is available. Be honest with her. It could still end up being great sex without her feeling used and she might pass you around to all her friends.) However if you set some ridiculous standard of dress or body type you are going to miss out on some of the best opportunities in your life; friendship, long term relationships and down right great sex. A few years ago an 18 year old friend of mine whined about how he couldn't get a date. It wasn't that funny, interesting women weren't attracted to him. He had bought into this idea that he couldn't date anything less than a supermodel so he treated all other women like crap.

Now that we have the basic rules, lets look at the dance. The dance is flirting. Flirting is an artform that can be quite fun to watch if done by masters. The basic idea behind flirting is it is an escalation of expressing interest in the other person. Slappy is right, you need to get her attention first. The first thing is to let her know you are interested. A simple "Hi" will work. Slappy goes for the all out frontal assault but Slappy is being Slappy. It is possible to do the entire flirtation from across the room. It involves body language, facial expressions, eye contact and glancing away. I won't go into the intricacies of it right now.

The ultimate goal in flirtation is she picks you up. You express an interest and she takes it from there. Never respond more forcefully than she does. If you try to force the issue most women will run away. Desperate doesn't work. Don't try, let her do all the work. You only need to match her interest.

Sure you can. It takes a little winnowing, but it isn't difficult, even when the solid advice and total spoof are in the same post. It is hard to be serious with Slappy, but his advice has always been up there with Cav's and Sugar's.

Spoken like a woman, hello!

You're on ;-)

Dang it nimh. I barely get done saying "don't try" and the woman will pick you up and you give us an example.

Lol! He's too young for me...it would have to be just friends!

he may be young, but he is very mature for his age.

Parados, you make good points.

But for one, I don't "go all out for the frontal approach." It obviously depends on what kind of feedback I'm getting.

Second, telling guys to not try makes zero sense. I understand what you're saying, but a lot of women simply aren't going to pick up a guy. Especially if she's attractive, is already dating a couple people, and gets hit on constantly. Or some women simply don't do it, they're conditioned that way. There's nothing wrong with asking for a phone number, or suggesting meeting up. Maybe one thing you mean is coming across carefree, and not overbearing, which is already a point I've made over and over.

Yeah, I do know what you mean.

Jr. and Sr. year in high school, my "best friend" was this guy who lived a couple of streets away. We were wildly attracted to each other (he was, and is, one of the most beautiful men I've ever seen), but I had this idea that he'd make a bad boyfriend (as he probably would've -- heavily into drugs, immature [at the time], and was in a kind of a violent scene -- anti-racist baldie/ punk, beating people up and stuff). We never talked about it explicitly at the time (the fact that the attraction was mutual came out later, though it was abundantly obvious to everyone around us), but I kept him at arm's length.

I was, when I met him, frankly kind of a priss. (No comments!) I did NOT get men, at all. He regularly shocked and appalled me -- and taught me a TON about men and relationships. I'd yell at him and he'd tell me how stupid I was being for yelling at him about that particular thing and why. Meanwhile, he said later that he learned a ton from me too.

I think if we'd done all this learning in the context of a relationship it would've been disastrous. And there were a lot of things about him that I didn't like as a friend but I absolutely wouldn't have put up with as a girlfriend -- he had a terrible time being monogamous, for example. I really think that if we'd hooked up early on -- even after months -- it would have been a quick flameout and we never would've spoken to each other again.

But as it was, we were very close friends for about two years, and I used all kinds of things directly attributable to him in the first major relationship I had after I moved away from him, to go to college. Heck, you guys are still hearing things directly attributable to him (I owe him an email).

Long-winded way of saying that I think in that situation, while we each felt "trapped" at various times (we had several close calls), it was actually beneficial to both of us in a lot of ways.

That's all apart from the point that Slappy glossed over about becoming friends with someone to meet her friends... it's one extra step, yeah, but it still gets you where you want to go.