Help me restore my marriage? Bisexual here

Yep, we're on the same wavelength, Nimh.

You've seen this happen before, haven't you? I know I have.

Well...It looks a bit overloaded now. I think for now I'm sticking with this idea and if all your theories,suggestions are valid only time can tell us. While I knew all of u wish me the best. Thanks once again to u all. I personally am a very optimistic person and I faltered it in her absence once. I guess this same optimistic person has already taken a chance to be with her for ever. Even If its a form of escapisim or whatever I guess so far u say I made a big mistake by not letting her know about my sexual preferences before marriage, which I agree. At the same time she also needs to understand about her husband needs and like abouts. And now that I overcome the situation of me being prey to Online Sex Hunters and not falling for One Night Stands, which is a resolution within me. And I dont want to do another msitake of telling her about this and embarass her for lifetime. Rather I will tell her that I had sex with my earlier girlfriend and she is not in my life anymore. If there is someone that would be only my wife and no one else. I already see some level confidence in our marriage from her voice, which I didnt see earlier. I guess we didnt give enough time for our love to be nurtured and grow big before we got married and separated. Now that we are determined, I guess it is fair out of all odds to see our chances of living together getting better day by day.

I don't think you ever answered the timeline question... just curious.

When did you meet? How long before you decided to get married? How long have you been married?

We met 3 months before we got married, that happened on a very casual outing. We ahve been marrried for around 6 months. Lived with her for the first 3 months of our marraige and both of us are alone after that i.e 3 months. I knew this is unbelievably short period.

Yeah.

Why so quick from meeting to marriage? When did you decide to get married?

It was more of a family desicion than anything else. My family knows her more than I do during our marraige and out of the little I know her. I agreed and she also agreed to get married. Everything was fine without any doubt untill I left her.

Nick- May I ask you where you are from? I am starting to get the feeling that maybe I am looking at things from a different cultural perspective than you are. Was this an "arranged" marriage?

Yes it was.

You aren't listening, Nick.

Let me put this as plainly as I can.

The title of your thread says you are a married bisexual. SO TELL HER YOU ARE BISEXUAL. Tell her you have had sex with many men as well as with women. (No names.) You can tell her you don't intend to continue this behavior, but don't continue to mislead her about your preferences and history. It is totally unfair to ask her to make a commitment to you when she doesn't know the whole story. That is called "fraud."

You've told us...and we're perfect strangers. Doesn't she deserve the truth more than we do?

You need to own up to the fact that you haven't been honest, Nick. It's not HER that you're worried about embarrassing, it's YOURSELF. You're trying to salvage this situation without losing your marriage, your family or your self-worth. But unless you're honest...with yourself AND them...you're only going to make things worse.

An arranged marriage?

OK, a lot of things are falling into place.

Where do you live/ what culture do you belong to, Nick? How literal of an arranged marriage?

I live in US. Asian Indian Culture.

OK.

So my assessment at the top of page 9 is pretty accurate after all, if more literal than I realized.

This definitely puts a different spin on everything.

How long have you lived here? Your parents? Your wife? Her parents? How Americanized are all of you?

Are you the youngest child? Only son? Are your parents fairly well-off?

Just trying to get a clearer picture, sorry for all the questions.

Does any of that really make the dishonesty any more palatable, Soz?

Not at all! Did I say palatable or any variation thereof?

Just getting a clearer picture.

This is the assessment I was referring to btw:



Seems like that is close to what happened -- in a culture where arranged marriages happen (trying to find out more about that though, just US Asian Indian has a lot of variants), he was thought by his family to be old enough to stop fooling around and settle down and get married, and THEY came up with someone.

I lived in US for around 5 years. I came here when I was 22 yrs old. My sister came here before 3 years. My Parents live in India. They visited US though. Yes my parents are fairly rich back in India. I'm the eldest and only son in our family. I have many American friends here in US along with other Indian Friends.

oh wow. what a mess.

nick, my only advice is for you to come forth and be honest with your wife (listen to Eva!) and hope that she will also love the person you are, and not just the myth that she married.
being a teacher...ugh, dunno. try to be more of a partner than a nazi schoolmaster. to me it is alarming that when you named the things you liked about her, you came up with: hair, height, pretty face. i mean, WHO did you marry? a pretty face? how come, after nine months, you still know close to nothing about someone you claim to love?

Thanks, Nick, that's about what I thought. You seem like someone who has been coddled and used to getting what you want. That you just kind of go with the flow, and that has worked well for you. For the first time, it's not quite working, and you don't know how to deal with it.

Did your wife come here from India, too? If so, just for the marriage, or before that? Where is she now?

She is in India and for the first time she is going to come to US to live with me.