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Wed 8 Feb, 2006 02:08 pm
Hi,
Topic: How to save my marriage?
Age: 29/Male
I'm a Bisexual.
To start with..i have feelings to both men and woman. But it doesnt happen at the same time. Generally I get attracted to the genders with which I had my last sex. I first ahd my sex with a guy during my college days. I fell in love with a girl for around 4 years but we ahd no sex. I dreamt of hot girls when I shagged. Very rarely I dreamt of guys while shagging. I can easily get Men in my bed compared to girls as I can find them easily on net. I had sex with around 20 odd men till date but all of them are one night stands. The best sex I ever had in my life was with my ex-girlfriend. We madeout 7 times in one night. IN my life I think I loved around 6 girls while I had sex with only 3 of them. I recently got married as I liked the girl. We enjoyed out inital days very much and lived together for around 3 months. We made out every night. The max was 3 times in a night. But to be frank she was not the best sex partner I ever had. Then I ahd to move out due to my job and after then I had sex with 5 guys, which i didnt expect this to happen. The trouble started here, all of a sudden I feel like I lost connection with my wife. She is a very nice person and very innocent. By hook or nook I want to save my marriage. I want to transform myself into a nice husband. Where do you think I,m going wrong. or what shoud i do?
Please help me.
Hmmm.
I'll start with, why do you want to stay married? As honest and thorough of an answer as you can...
Maybe stop having sex with guys? I realize that being "faithful" is kind of old-fashioned but...
The best option that I can think of for my life is to be married with this girl. But now i,m not living with her and she will be coming in another month. I'm already loosing that affection when i talk to her on phone. I already planned for a guys only dance club this weeeknd. I just go mad with the music around. May be I will try to stop it there as my last clubbing without my wife. But how will I build the lost love and affection that i once had with her.
Why is it the best option that you can think of for your life?
I love my family,dad,mom and sister and everyone comes after them. I cant think of spending my life with anyone else from my family prospective. If i'm ditching my wife it also means I,m ditching my family. All thorugh their life tilld ate they helped me grow and gave all the love and affection in my life. I cant betray them. They wont be happy if I ditched my wife and married life. My wife is also a very nice person she madly loves me and she keeps saying that she can do anything for me. She is a nice person. Only problem is I,m not so attracted to her. I dont have the same feelings as I did when I got married. I LOVE HER BUT I"M NOT IN LOVE WITH HER.
I think your wife is a very lucky lady to have this wonderful chance to get back with you. She would be mad to turn you down.
No, seriously, you should stop thinking with your penis for a while, have a full health check and take time out to work out whether you will be able to live with one human being for the rest of your life, without giving in to your apparent obsession for self gratification.
Infidelity or the temptation to indulge in infidelity is obviously your main problem.
For quite some while now, you have basically gone around shagging anything with a pulse. To me, from what you have said so far, it doesn't sound as if you love your wife enough to give up this behaviour.
Phoenix,
At first galnce at ur post u scared me. My breath almost stopped. Yes I'm young but never had unsafe sex. So i dont think i,m putting my wife at risk. Divorce is the worst thing that I an do for me or my family or for my wife right now. I have to rebuild my relation with my wife. I'm looking for ways to do that. I was going through a site on the net and I called my wife and spoke with her on phone for about 2 hours. All I tried doing was to know more about her and intrests and what makes her happy and also educated her what makes me happy? She has a very self low esteem. She always says that I'm avery ahndsome and she wasnt the right choice for me because she thinks she is less beautifull. I told her upright to improve here self esteem. Also she doesn't enjoy sex with me as much as I do. First of all the first sex in her life was with me only. She never ahd sex before. She has put on lot of weight after pur marriage and she isn't doing anything about it. She says she will start going to a gym after she comes to me. Yes I'm very confused because of my what I ahve done in my life. And I,m being very honestw ith guys to set it right.
I haven't insisted myself in the act of infedility for any known reason. It just happened to me natuarlly. yes you are right I haven't fallen in love with my wife enough to give up this behaviour. Hmnn
Well..I agree with you having casual sex is not good. But for me right now priority is to build realtion with her back and stop this nonsense for ever once she is back.
Phoenix went where I was going. I don't think you are really ready for marriage, with this person anyway, and I think the sooner this is realized the less damage there will be in the long run.
Hmnn..i was planning for a only guys night dance club this weeekend. I love music and dance. I just love dance and music and going wild. But again that might lead to another one night stand. After speaking with you, I ahve a sense of guiltiness which I cant deny. I,m not sure what I should do now. I desparately want to go to a dance club and ahve fun. But at the same time I desparately more than anything I want to restore my love with my wife. When I spoke with her last night I told that I can live without anything but not without good music and dance. She said she will get me some good music CD's for me when she comes home. I question to myself what should I do now???
Make a decision.
From everything you say, you fully expect that this will lead to another one of those "natural" one-night stands. You can have that kind of life for a while yet.
OR you can have a life with your wife.
You can't have both.
Well, it's possible that you can have both if your wife agrees, but from what you say, that seems unlikely.
Hey Nick29,
I am married and am Bi, but most of my time has been with my lovely wives. Serial monogamy you know? When I was with my first wife it was kind'a wild, I am sure you know what I mean
You'll find as you get older you'll settle down some, and when you're younger, you want everything all the time.
Hmnn..this is going to be so hard on me. I ahve an oppurtunity here which i can utilize when my wife is not there and not go for it. what to do....? Is it possible for me to sit tight and say no to my freinds.hmnnn
or how about going to club but dont drink at all..wait a minute this doesnt happen this will lead to more frustration.
I think I would just go for once in my lifetime and stop it there...thats it not any more. Does it make sense?? Its like a bachelors party before marriage.
Well the point was to build love with my wife and not restricting myself so hard. Doesn't she need to her part for the same?
I think if you stop NOW -- decide not to go -- that's more promising than "one more time." Because it still is a justification for scratching that itch, and you'll probably just find more justifications...
Folks...i appreciate your time. I feel like crying for a minute. At one moment i felt there si no one around me with whom i can talk with about these happenings.
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