Help me restore my marriage? Bisexual here

I agree very much with this statement. Ther finger of morality is ever
so present in this thread and frankly I am surprised that Nick has endured
all these very personal questions which - in my opinion - seemed like an interrogation.


All I want to say at this point: Good luck to you Nick!

Nick29 best of luck and I do hope things work out, and as I mentioned, when you get older you may settle down quite a bit, I know I did, and we share some similarities.

To all the rest of you wonderful posters, much thanks it has been interesting!

CJ,

I had to afterll its opening me to some realisim. where you confront urself with a bunch of real people from different backgrouns,world etc. It was my moral within me that accepted all this. But yes it became a bit weak, but not to the extent of giving up. I still hold the same hope. With that in conclusion of my desicison. Just wondering should i tell my wife at all about my sexual preferences for being honest to her and involve in the future descisions. What are the facts that should be considered by me for sharing with my wife about what happened? Coming to sharing with my family, its been ruled out for the best that could happen to all of us.

This is your decision Nick, and only yours.

All I can say, some things are better left unsaid. I disagree
that every secret needs to be shared with one's spouse - that's
a typical American trait, not necessarily true for the rest of
the world.

Thats it...i dont think i'm going to share this with my wife. Except I'm going to tell her my relation with one of my girlfriend. She would atleast understand why i was behaving different past few weeks. Probably that also gives her an insight that I was with soem one before and now dedicated to her. I can only think of some good happening here and nothing worse. All I was trying to do was to get the situation better.

Thanks to evrybody.

I can only suggest that you try to put yourself in her place, Nick. Whether that's possible or not, I have no idea. If you were your wife, traveling to a new country, leaving your friends and family, to put your faith in a man that you hardly know. How much of this story would you want to know?

Your question was a logical fallacy. It assumes that there is only one choice and is based on facts not in evidence. If a culture is "known and loved" why would one act outside that culture? Acting contrary to it would seem to dispute the "known and loved" claim.

My "cliched value judgement" as you quoted is just a restating of what Nick has said here. I then predicted what would happen. A prediction is not really a value judgement. My prediction may be harsh but I don't think it is a value judgement in itself. My value judgement is from other posts.

Yes, it is easy to stand outside and criticize but that is what Nick needs. He is not willing to look at his situation realistically. It is the same honesty anyone needs when stuck in a situation that they refuse to see from any point of view but their own. Have you ever known anyone in a bad relationship? Ever been in one yourself?

Nothing quite like being an enabler. Nick has to make the choices. I can't make them for him. But he has to see the ENTIRE board. Being "supportive" isn't going to help him. I don't know him, I don't know her. I can only tell what I see from the outside. I know there is a big difference from being inside vs outside. Sometimes being on the inside you need someone to hit you with a stick because you are so caught up in the situation you can't see any other perspective. That could be the most constructive and supportive thing someone could do to help.

It was an example. Different cultures allow for different things but it doesn't make it right just because it is allowed or tolerated. I didn't mean to imply that India is a male dominated culture. I don't know.

Nick,

You've put yourself in a situation but it doesn't have to be the end of everything. Your decision to tell her about an old gf might be a decent place to start. You may want to tell her you have been with several people before meeting her. No need to be gender specific.

Some other notes -

I had typed this before reading your last response...
Does she know you were with other people before you were married? Does she accept that?
It seems you came to the same conclusion and need some answers there before going further.

We know that you were her first and only sex partner but how does she feel about sex in general? Or out of love sex? Does she accept that people do it? I don't recall if you had sex with her before you got married.

If you tell her now about your bisexuality what is to prevent her from going to your parents which is what you really don't want. It's a big secret but a hard one to reveal at this point.

Ultimately you need to talk about sex with her. Her desires and yours. She is a neophyte. Help her learn what good sex is. It can't all be about you. You need to concentrate on her. Once you help her find her sexuality then you can expand her horizons and maybe your own.


If you want this to work, she has to become the center of your universe.

Thanks for your advice parados.

Bisexuality...and marriage....

Those words just don't go together.

Thanks sagar.

Parados, you still avoid my questionand respond with the logical fallacy "avoiding the question". This fallacy is committed when someone's answer doesn't really respond to the question asked:

Question: Would the Oakland Athletics be in first place if they were to win tomorrow's game?
Answer: What makes you think they'll ever win tomorrow's game?

Another logical fallacy example of "avoiding the question" that fits your responses to me is called placing blame elsewhere: avoiding the question by attacking something else: You criticize Chinese human rights violations, but what about the homeless in American slums?

I would be very interested in exactly which logical fallacy you assert I have supplied as per my above question.There is nothing sophistic about my focusing the question on a probable specific to make a point, nor is that a logical fallacy.You came to the belief that I was "assuming facts" by a method that remains oblique, as it stands it's specious reasoning. I did not "assume facts" nor was it a specifically factual question, nor did I indicate it as such, nor is that a logical fallacy.There are a vast number of reasons why one might "act outside that culture", sexuality is one, personal choice is another, expedience is another.Absolutely not, there are a vast number of things that are known and loved and yet are gone against, many children rebel against their parents, many people hurt the ones they love; lots of common examples.No Parados, you said it in your own post. You did not refer to it as "restating of what Nick has said". No it cannot be taken as coming from Nick29, but only viewed as coming from you.OK then, I predict that the Middle East will erupt into war because of religious corruption. This prediction is in fact a value judgement! So yes, of course predictions can be value judgements, and yes your so-called "prediction" was a value judgment.

Here is your so-called "prediction" that you claim is "restating of what Nick has said".I point out that your claim that you are "restating of what Nick has said" is entirely false. Also I point out that your claim that you intended this to be a "prediction" is preposterous. It is a declaratory statement, not a predictive one. It's clearly is a cliche value judgement, anyone can see that. You clearly attempt to accredit Nick29's culture to be one of "clubbing and picking up guys that think he is cute".

Parados,
In sum, your non sequiturs & misrepresentations are quite unbecoming.

Should you now attempt to make the claim that I called you unbecoming, you will have learned nothing. I made no such claim, nor did I pass value judgment on your person.

So I am assuming it didn't work for you, that doesn't mean it wouldn't work for someone else. I assume you lean strongly to one side as opposed to being in the middle, so are you a 1 or a 6?

If bi-sexuals didn't marry, most people would remain single.

True dat

I,m opening up to her slowly and gradually and feel like heaven. May be this is what they call it Love. And see no clubbing today...:-)Friday Night...on call with her. I dont have to tell all this to u. I can wash of my hands and go as my job is done. But I know most of you took some time out for me. And also many others like me would be reading this. Its happening and can happen to many others.

Hmmmm.

I take it A2K has agreed to redifine "bisexuality" per Roxxxy's definition.

Hmmm.

I guess I'm bisexual. Straight male and a lesbian to boot.

I think the suggestion is that many/most/all people have degrees of sexual orientation, but as to how much, if it is acted upon, or if it is consciously recognized, is dependent on many factors such as societal conditioning, circumstance, happenstance, etc.