Weekly A2K News!!!

Amazing Tool Found in Unlikely Place

Dateline: The Somerville, MA vortex

Recent reports out of Somerville have convinced this reporter that the vortex is now disengorging some of its victims. The vortex, a stretch of roadway that no one can actually navigate, routinely swallows cars, schoolchildren and ferrets, but in the past few days the famed vortex has given up a left underwire.

Able2Know's own littlek has claimed the underwire, and stated, "I've been looking for this for years!"

The underwire was immediately attached as an antenna to an electronic display developed by one fishin', who stated that, "I hear MOBA and some plants from Brighton were swallowed up by the vortex, and I figured it was my civic duty to try to rescue some of the worst art on the planet. Oh yeah, there were some people down there, too."

The remnants of Hurricane Katrina, which blew into Brighton, the reputed Gateway to the Galaxy, during the last few days, have wrought havoc and left many with power but no glory and certainly with little dignity, although that might have had more to do with a mass hysteria involving the Chicken Dance as opposed to anything cooked up by Mother Nature.

littlek, fishin', RP, quinn1, George, jjorge, bobsmythehawk, this reporter and other area A2K residents were recently seen frolicking, clapping and making flapping motions. The dance was said to be done to appease the giant mutant plants in Brighton. Or maybe it was just a Bar Mitzvah gone horribly wrong. No one is saying.

But in this town of tens of thousands of people, alien plants and bad art, a lonely left underwire says so much.

i wasn't doin' no dern chicken dance.
got me a condition.
when it happens, i uncontrollably go thru the exact movements of the chicken dance...

-

btw this thread is the #1 hit when u google "left underwire"

Pope Ratzenhofer reportedly considering political campaign

Dateline: Pick a swamp, any swamp

As more news and pictures of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina continue to pour in, Pope Ratzenhofer was heard to make actual, practical suggestions regarding evacuations. Several members of Able2Know then indicated that, if he ran for the highest office in the land, that His Beardliness would have their votes.

While Pope R. did not comment on these declarations, he did not actively deny any desire to run for the Presidency, either. dagmaraka has been chosen as his campaign manager, as Pope R. declared, "To run for anything in the US, you need someone from Central Europe. But not one of those "stan" countries." When asked whether dagmaraka is from Slovakia or Slovenia, Pope R. shrugged and said, "You mean we got two o' those?"

Polls show that, since Mississippi and Louisiana are already, essentially, just swamps these days, that a Swamp Party candidate could have an edge. Preparations are being made for a convention to be held later this year.

Early focus groups indicate that the possible candidate would be more popular if he were married, and to an actual woman. Mr. Stillwater has been called in as a relationships consultant as he has, reportedly, recently been seen on dates with an actual human female. Early frontrunners for the role of Pope Gustavratzenhofer's bride include Piffka, Swimpy and CalamityJane.

Interested applicants may sign up at this newspaper. Concerned citizens are encouraged to nominate their friends and neighbors to be Pope (soon to be President) Ratzenhofer's bride and eventual First Lady.

you mean after the parliament passes the bill on changing the name of my country to Slovakistan i will have to resign as Ratzenhofer's campaign manager?!

Maybe if they go with Stanislovak, it'll be okay.

This just in from Canadian sources


A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in Canada.

Well, there's a very simple answer.

Nobody bothered to check the oil.

We just didn't know we were getting low.

The reason for that is purely geographical.

Our oil is located in

Alberta, Newfoundland, Saskatchewan and B.C.

Our

DIPSTICKS

are located in Ottawa, Ontario

Intergalactic Cultural Exchange Program A Big Success Despite Early Setbacks

Dateline: Guadalajara, Mexico

Blue-toothed aliens abound throughout the world and now they are becoming multilingual, say three renowned experts.

Pitter, fbaezer and panzade of Able2Know have spent the last three weeks teaching the alien invaders to speak Spanish. "There wasn't a lot of progress, initially." said fbaezer. "They didn't like rolling their r's and, well, it was apparently so uncomfortable for them to do that, well, they ...."

"You can say it." interjected panzade, who conducted this interview while standing.

"Well," offered Pitter, "they started shooting ray guns, and panzade, um, he got it in the -- what's the English word for keister?"

After extensive research, this reporter has determined that the English word for keister is, indeed, keister. panzade reports that the wound is superficial but he still does not trust straight-backed chairs or small, blue-toothed aliens. More on this story as it develops.

Arriba!

Ow Ow Ow-
translated: Ow Ow Ow

after hitting the desired target, Ogngkt did the infamous "gloat dance"...

This just in ... Region Philbis has obtained exclusive footage of dancing aliens. Stay tuned ....

http://geocities.com/area51/orion/1806/dance/alien.htm

Excellent, for that you may have several blank Scrabble tiles I have been hording in the event of the next alien invasion.

thanks. I love to create metaphors with images.

Sting operation successful; New Law to be Challenged

Dateline: Jolly Ole England, or maybe France

A2K members Intrepid and spendius were recently found setting up an antenna for Alien Satellite Radio. World governments have recently condemned all attempts at communications with the alien contingent, due to an unfortunate keister-shooting incident earlier in the month. Senates, parliaments, cabinets and all-around general government-type groups have all passed laws prohibiting both the sending and receiving of messages to the alien hordes until they apologize, either in English or in Spanish, for what is being referred to as Keistergate.

Therefore, the two were arrested for communicating and dealing with the alien Canadian enemies and will be challenging the constitutionality of said statute. Jurisdiction has been established in England, but it might be moved as not enough wigs were available for all the participants and some felt out of place and unfashionable.

AngeliqueEast recently visited the two in their holding cell, and reports that they are doing fine except they are out of kippers and sardines just will not do.

More on this story as it develops.

This is your A2K News freelance reporter (call me red)
Early morning news break
September 15, 2005
England


Public Voices has received many complaints from concerned neighbors who live near Droitwich Manor.


The neighbors are outraged at all the hanky panky going on at the Manor. When asked what kind of hanky panky went on in the manor they said: Some of his guest are of questionable character, and soon after their arrival at the manor, they are apprehended by Interpol.

They have wild noisy parties day, and night. You see nudist frolicking day, and night on the grounds only wearing an upside down halloween mask on their head. Our children cannot go out to play anymore. And, worse of all, the Lord abducted a cub (scout I think ), and besides starving him the poor little thing has to do all the work. We think he keeps him in the dungeon.


Incredible! We can see here a bomb squad. Why a bomb squad chief? "We don't know what we will find inside, it's better to be ready for anything".


I was also told by the chief that a swat team was already inside the Manor looking for the cub.


The swat team finds a terrified little boy huddled in a corner of the dungeon.


I asked Penbury to give us his version of the story. All he said was "I only follow my Lords orders miss".


The Lord of the Mansion is questioned at headquarters. In-between sobs he says. "He would not tell me where he lived, sob" "Oh, the shame, the shame sob, the House of Lords will burn my wig for sure this time, sob".

Incredible

Seriously folks let us all protect our children by reporting abuse or neglect of any kind. Our children need us, and this is not a joke

Where on EARTH do you get these things, Region?

google.
google good...

What did you google for to get him, and the applauding film audience several pages back?

for this one i did
can't remember what i used to find the audience one.
maybe "applause gif animated"?