Weekly A2K News!!!

LONDON CALLING.....HERE IS THE NEWS FROM THE BBC.


The Prime Minister gave some interesting figures on education today. In the greater London area, one half of the people can't read, one half can't write, and the other three quarters can't add up.

The Ministry of Defence has announced new pay scales for the army, heavily favoring the Non Comissioned Officers.
Said a new recruit..... 'It's all very well for the sargeants and the corporals, but it's a nasty blow to the privates."

A very disappointed guest attended the Charles Dickens Society's annual nudist festival this weekend. He had Great Expectations, but it was a very Bleak House and everybody laughed at his Little Dorritt.

Police report that a cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the London ring road. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for sixteen hardened criminals.

A car mounted the kerb outside the Kensington Convent this evening, so the Mother Superior went out and threw a bucket of cold water over it.


In tomorrows "News Special" we'll be discussing government ministries, and asking "Are there too many?"
We'll be hearing from the Minister of Steak and Kidney Pies.

weekly A2k news....
Lordy,Lord E,Lmao Welcome back

Welcome back Lordie.

New York Salon the Toast of the Town

Able2know's own Noddy24, a world-renowned expert on experts (toast, miracles and otherwise), recently spread her knowledge to the Big Apple. Lola and blatham held a demonstration of knowledge and dominion-holding to the glitterati. Frank Apisa was heard to exclaim, "Amazing! It's like making french toast, moonwalking and jousting, all at the same time!"

In other news, the piece of toast with sozobe's likeness fetched $1 million dollars at an auction in London. A mysterious bidder, known only as "Slappy", was heard to bid, "One million dollars" and then he put his pinkie next to his mouth, stroked a cat and then proceed to cackle fiendishly. There was a recent rash of "Sweatin' to the Oldies" tee shirt sightings, and a ring of midget porn was recently broken up. London police put a little Aveeno on the rash and some Mr. Clean apparently cleared up the ring in no time.

littlek, a cleaning godess, enjoyed the spectacle so much that she measured her dog and shot her cat. Details to follow.

Jes, you're having a good time, eh?

Yup.

Love your quote jespah! *smiles*

Thank you, brave reporter.

:wink:

HERE IS THE NEWS FROM THE BBC.......

A new publishing venture was announced today. The Stockbreeders Gazette and Playboy magazine are to get together and produce "The Farmer Sutra".

Arnold Bogg, a six foot nine, ham fisted hairy drunk with a short temper, bad breath, acne, dandruff and fleas, was named by Scotland Yard today as Britains most unwanted man.

Fred Smith, the Middlesborough man who doesn't smoke, drink or gamble and has never had a girlfriend, tried to celebrate his fortieth birthday today, but couldn't think how to.

And finally, the public are warned to be on the lookout for Joseph Gomez, a spaniard, last heard of living in Tooting, who's mother was a nun in Barcelona. A one-time flautist with the symphony orchestra, he is wanted for looting in Haifa, where he worked on a farm.
The police urge people to look out for a Haifa looting, fluting, Tooting son of a nun from Barcelona, part-time plowboy, Joe.

Next week, there will be a special report from the "Nursery Land" theme park, regarding the impact of silicone treatments. Among those interviewed will be Not-So-Little Bo Peep, Far-From-Little Miss Muffet and Enormous Jack Horner.

LOL! "The police urge people to look out for a Haifa looting, fluting, Tooting son of a nun from Barcelona, part-time plowboy, Joe."

Just precious! LOL!

HERE IS THE NEWS FROM THE BBC......

The man who invented the zip fastener was today honoured with a peerage. He will now be known as the Lord of the Flies.

The Minister for Health has announced that there is now a 10 month waiting list for pregnancy testing at most hospitals.

To mark the opening of a sports hall for juvenile delinquents, the Prime Minister up rooted a tree and snapped it in half.

In the money markets, the Pound had another good day yesterday. It rose sharply at ten o'clock, then had a light breakfast and went for a stroll in the park.

SPORTS NEWS......

In todays big football match between Germany and England, fighting on the terraces was interrupted when playing broke out on the pitch.

Very good, m'lud.

"The Minister for Health has announced that there is now a 10 month waiting list for pregnancy testing at most hospitals."

Too cute Lordie. LOL

Ellpus
Ish tat ta kweens inglush?

BBBish

The Weekly A2K News is proud to be translated into gibberish, by our crack team of, well, crackpots.

HERE IS A NEWSFLASH FROM THE BBC........

A survey, carried out yesterday, reveals that the favourite headlines from 2005 are, as follows:-

Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted

Drunk gets nine months in violin case

Juvenile court to try shooting defendant

Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years

Stolen Painting Found By Tree

Judge To Rule On Nude Beach

Police Discover Crack In Australia

Men Recommend More Clubs For Wives

LONDON CALLING....dee dee dee dit dit dit dit............

HERE IS THE NEWS FROM THE BBC........



The Prime Minister held a meeting with the Cabinet today. He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the chest of drawers.

At a special meeting of the executive committee of the Extremely Shy and Painfully Self-Conscious Society tonight, the members gave themselves a vote of no confidence.

A survey is under way into the political beliefs of British nudists. Initial enquiries have already indicated a definite swing to the left.

Reports are coming in that a Sussex farmer has crossed a gossip columnist with an apple, resulting in a golden malicious.
His previous crossbreeding attempt, involved the mating of a flea with a chicken. He ended up with an itchy c*ck.

....And now some breaking news from the world of showbiz.
It has been confirmed that Mariah Carey has just had a single come out ... one of the straps broke on her dress.

I don't know where to post this, being somewhat new, and am willing to take the flagellation that I've learned will inevitably occur (should this be in the wrong place), but have you seen this? It's not new, or scientific, or even all that great, but sometimes the picture of a guy with scissors in his head (be it my boss, a neighbour, relative, hubby...) makes me smile, so...

at the risk of repeating what might have gone before, here it is...


A study conducted by UBC's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features; if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and duct tape over his mouth while he is on fire.

Personally, I would add a few more details; however, that is another story