Where to talk about desperation? (dating)

first day of quitting drinking.. (actually, last time I drank was week ago, but by this time I usually have my next session ):

I feel surprisingly good...can't say I would miss anything now. But in the mirro I look like merde. Maybe because of low carb diet?

maybe it will be like the last year? At first I did not miss it at all, but after a month, two, the general tension and stress became so high I just wanted some way of relieving it...

it seems I am still not banned despite yer threats, mummies, so here is little update:

I have been sober for almost 2 weeks yet since I am unemployed I could drink any time I want. But I don't. Because I drank to forget, but now I have nothing to forget about. Life is most kind to me, I enjoy company of beautiful women and I feel FINE. And that was the point of all that. I drank not because drinking itself but because of mental treatment. Which is not needed any more. Moreover it speeds up my bodyshape improvement which is trait most appreciated .

In yer face, mummies! Eat dust!

In order to be banned you have to be reported. As you threatened a member with physical violence, albeit jokingly, you would most certsinly have been banned.

The ladies you keep having a go at clearly don't want to report you, because they have your best interests at heart. I'm sure they'll be pleased to hear that you're controlling your drinking. Nobody actually said your drinking was out of control, they were concerned that it might be, if not now, sometime in the not so distant future.

Stop acting like you have enemies here, you don't.

I am sorry but this is something I simply cannot take seriously. I have read enough assessment not to believe these users have any honorable let alone good intentions with me. If they do, they express it in a very weird manner. But I could take that. I am not touchy. What was however over the edge was ridiculing my culture and country.

I threatened somebody?...

You threatened to render someone unconscious, or would have done if you'd not typed, that's violence.

I don't recall anyone attacking your culture or country, but I do remember you claiming to have some sort of genetic superiority because of your Slavic heritage. If you're going to say stuff like that then any response to the contrary is fair comment.

You should take this seriously, because you're picking fights with people who aren't your enemies which is ultimately a waste of time and energy.

Both GB and Chai are lovely ladies. I've had many disagreements with Chai, but even though it's got quite heated at times, it's never got nasty. Take a step back, not every question or criticism is an attack.

hmm... this sobriety is a weird feeling... Before when I was utterly lonely I was thinking for entire hours when I get drunk... Now I am thinking in the same way why I don't want to drink any more

The irony...

so, on today's list:

My trainer hates me and I have zero idea why, my dancer partner is leaving me, my dancing teacher is charming and beautiful as always, but her boyfriend is virtually every step behind her, waiting to punch me in the mug, and I am still jobless...

The only positive fact is I might have good chance to start working for an awesome company I would not even dream to work for before IF I can manage one rather complicated project... I must stay focused and study...

Why do I suddenly have the urge to have a nice long sip of vodka?

ou yes and I forgot: I am still sick which means I cannot workout. Now this sux utterly. There is literally no way to make myself happy or pleased any more.

I think tomorrow I am simply gonna have some. screw this. Seriously...

so yeah, I am drunk again. But I do not regret it. I had so many questions that are crystal clear now. Yop, booze makes you smarter. sometimes

I feel much better now knowing what to do

damn I must drink much more often! (well... no really! )

So many things make more sense to me now!

For instance: I met a really cute girl in one shop. She acted kinda weird and her colleagues had some laugh... With my manly arze brain I could not understand what the deck is going on. Now I do: she totally wanted me to ask her out!!

Damn I wish I started to use my left side of brain sooner. I could have been so much happyer!

When you hit bottom there are places for you to go to for help with your alcoholism. I am sad that you have to go through this.

When this happens, I hope that you find peace.

so, share your experience, I am all ears

I just can't believe that. I asked admins to delete my threads, because of one azzhat started to invade my privacy and they did that!! Wow! HUGE thumb up for admin team! Thank you very much!!!

I don't know, ever since I started this topic I am paying more attention to my alcoholism. Frankly, I do not feel a single bit of shame I have my reasons and I do so much sports/healthy way of life that I could endure triple dosage

But that is not a point.

I must say, ever since I cut off on consumption I feel better. Yep, that is true. Partially because my cardio is improving, but also probably because of higher testosterone levels. So far I found myself isolated from women (again) which does not lead me to silly thoughts .

Yesterday I practiced some dancing poses alone and shirtless. I must say, I did like what I saw in mirror. Maybe in a few months, when I return to group trainings I will have smt. to present to the audience .

For some reason men in dancing clubs don't like me. I don't know why. Interesting is, I don't like a lot of people in gym classes (muay thai). Maybe both groups have the same reason - we are douches to each other. If that is true, I do most of that unintentionally. Probably people in a gym too.

The job market is ****. I am still jobless. I learned so much yet nobody seems to care. Last time I was explaining for 1 hour in the interview why I am changing career in my thirties. This is just sad. Maybe I should look for different types of companies.

...consumed by rage... The more I train the worse it gets. Only thing helping is sparrings at gym, for a day, two... today I must go and kick some arse. I just can§t go on any more. This or booze. no other options.

someone took a pic of me... nice of them.

I feel...slightly better. There were no sparrings today, just regular practice so no fighting. Why do only violence and alcohol help me find peace? I mean... why? What is wrong? Is this normal?

Today I had weak moment. I was reminiscing about my childhood. It was near perfect. The idea I might not be able to reproduce this onto another person is simply... unbearable.

oh yes, the uncontrollable mood swings, I nearly forgot Last time I experienced this was 5 years ago, did not have this ever since I started drinking

Yep, being sober has so much positive impact on my life... I blocked good friend on FB, got into conflict with trainer, I could have solve it, but I was not capable because of mood so I quit gym I trained for three years, and I nearly send another one to hell for utterly BS reason.

Hormones. My daily expenditure is over 6000 calories, testosterone is leaking through every hole of my body. I either f*ck, fight or I am getting into trouble. Nothing to f*uck and since I quitted gym, I better find some other fast...


Thank you very much for your guidance, mummies, I am gonna follow your other well meant advice as well.

hmm... best thing about being sober is having this awesome testosterone levels all the time. (brings also craziness, but what, everything in life has its price).

I so miss it now. Ever since I caught cold my baills shrunk and and feel like sissy woman. Or pretty much like every other ballroom dancer. How can these people live with that??