what's your take on this now? long

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It's called, writing for managers. I hate to sound negative again, but it's not as enjoyable as i thought it would be. I have a paper due every week and it's a lot more technical than i thought it would be. I'm basically just doing it to help my career-if it does at all. It's part of a masters program and i'm considering applying to the program, not sure yet though. My paper is coming along ok.

I have to admit that sometimes i feel there is something wrong with me because i'm single. I havent had a boyfriend since this past summer, i knwo that's not that long,but i'm so tired of hearing about my friends that are in these relationships where they go on trips together, buy a place together, or jsut go to a really nice restaurant together. Yeah i have been to some nice places with this guy, and i geuss i cant understand why he doesnt want to be with me more often. he tells me he likes me, is attracted to me, has fun with me, is emotionally involved with me, so what is the problem? Argh..i cant figure it out.

Oh boy...

The man you have targeted for your attention does not want the same things that you want. That's EASY to figure out.

Forget the man/boyfriend part . . . we've discussed that ad naseum. Someday, probably when you least expect it, the man who is right for you will find you. The alcoholic, in-therapy man who lives many miles away from you just isn't the ONE for you.

There is nothing wrong with being single and being responsible for your own happiness. If you are an independent, happy woman . . . you will be so much more attractive to the right man when he finds you. If you remain the desperate for a relationship, clingy type of woman that you are now . . . the men you meet will run from you like the plague.

You are focusing on your career! Good for you! A technical writing class might not be the most pleasant endeavor that you have attempted to tackle, but it shows that you have dreams and aspirations concerning your work life. Check into that masters program.

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well things are basically over with him and I. I talked to him monday, he said we were just friends for the moment. Then we talked that night and he said something along the lines of i am upset with him because he cant give me a serious/intense boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I said, maybe i jsut want to see you. He said, well i dont have immediate future plans to see you, i'm going to FL this weekend. He basically goes by, i'll see you when i see you. Then he was like, it's not like i'm going anywhere, i have nothing going on with anyone else. The next day i sent an e-mail to him saying that i have feelings for him, and maybe i shouldnt talk to him for a while and try to remove these feelings for him. So we talked again yesterday and he said he thought we were broken up after last week when i got upset about him not being able to see me. He said it didnt seem like things are working out, i make him feel anxious, he cant give me what i want (serious relationship?) He tells me that i have more invested in thsi than he does, adn that he does not really get feelings for people and has been this way for years because he was hurt year ago! ah! ok, i didnt know that and THAT freaks me out. I can deal with the alcoholism, but i dont relate to someoen that doesnt get feelings for people.
I of course was upset and said, i dont want things to be like this. He said, well we need to take a break then, we need to be on a haitus. I said i would be ok with just seeing him when he could see me and he said, ok i like the sound of that. He then said he woudl call me from FL, but who knows.

The more i think about it i think i am glad if this doenst work out. He has issues, maybe i do too, but at least i can have feelings for peopel. I find that very cold if after 3 months he still felt nothing for me? It didnt seem like that when we were together.

Time for you to move on, he already has.

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yeah it's weird, but today i dont feel that upset. I almost feel relieved? but at the same time, i still feel rejected, confused, hurt by him. I feel like, what is wrong with me that he didnt have feelings for me? I have no idea if he'll call me, but he said he would. he said he needs a break, but i dont know what from. I havent see him!

You don't need a relationship forum, you need a competent therapist. He's gone, but you still have problems.

Indeed.

But seriously, you need to shut the door now. You should NOT be ok with him seeing you when he can see you. He's pretty clearly broken up with you, you need to break up with him back.

And the fact that you feel relief is a good sign.

Hi Diana,

It is time to move on. I hope you use the time of being single to try to work on your anxieties so that the next bf meets the strong, secure, independent woman you can be.

Good luck!

diana....I am almost....proud of you, girl. It actually seems like you are beginning to grasp the real situation and find some understanding in it. Almost like you really do realize that we can't always get what we want and sometimes what we want is not the best thing for us anyway.

I agree with Debra...it IS encouraging to see another side of you. And that you actually do have other interests in your life. I can understand how it can be hard to see all of your friends paired off in sweet little coupledom and how you definitely would want that for yourself too. But I do think it was just the wrong guy this time. And the right one will come along eventually, provided that you do deal with the issues of insecurity that you have about being alone and not in a relationship.

While you should definitely keep the good friends you have now, even though they are coupled up, it is also such a liberating time for YOU! To meet and develop new friendships of both sexes. A chance to broaden your circle and live a really fun life!

My own daughter of 21 just recently broke off her engagement to her boyfriend. It just didn't feel like the right thing for her at the time and now she is soooo looking forward to doing some traveling, meeting new friends (but keeping the old), going back to school and making a life for herself before she ever commits her life with another. I am very grateful she made the decision (she was way too young in my opinion to begin with, but I had to keep my mouth shut!). She is probably moving out of state within the next few months and embarking on an entire new journey and she gets to be the one in charge of herself.

Definitely keep seeing your therapist and hopefully with their help you can become confident enough to really branch out and become the wonderful, sweet, independent woman that will one day attract THE RIGHT ONE.

Hang in there....It's a long journey through life, but we all have the chance to make it a good one.

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thanks. Well i still do feel a little hurt and part of me is thinking, why doesnt he want to be with me? he said he will call me and wants to see me again, but i dont know if he was just saying that. I just feel confused.

Hi Diana.

This man doesn't meet your needs for attention, conversation, affection, and recreational companionship. He's not your husband; he's not really even your boyfriend. He's just some man that you see on occasion and sometimes have sex with. I think you will experience far less personal pain and will be far better off if you found someone else who is more suited for you.

I hope you find happiness, Diana. Best wishes.

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yeah i guess i have basically come to the conclusion that i cant be in a relationship with him-even if he wanted one at this point. I would soo insecure with someone like him esp now that he's said he hasnt had feelings for anyone in years. I would kind of like to still talk to him, but i am NOT calling him or anything.

Good for you, Diana!

You deserve to be loved and cherished . . . and I just know the right guy is out there . . . and that you will find each other very soon.

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i'm starting to feel sad again...i guess it's just tough knowing i may never hear from him again.

It's ok to be sad. You've had a tough haul and now it's over. It would probably be for the best if you *don't* hear from him again. Don't expect it to happen, but if it does don't let yourself get all embroiled again. It wasn't meant to be what you were looking for. It was never going to be that and it's best that you move on from it. Be sad, sad's ok. It just means you've lost something you thought you once had. Sad doesn't last forever, it's part of the healing process.

That's okay, Diana. You can be sad for a little while. Even if you do hear from him, he won't do anything to meet your needs. He's not committed to you. He only wants to see you when it's convenient for him. He's not in love with you; he never will be in love with you. You know that for a fact.

Pick yourself up, put a smile on your face, and smell the roses.