what's your take on this now? long

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that's right he doenst have a license

When he says things to me like, maybe you should find someone else who can fulfill your needs and give you what you want do you take this to mean, look move on, this aint going nowhere. It's either that or he's insecure about his life? i dont know....

I take it to mean "quit asking me for something you know I can't give you". It's up to you what you do with this information. It's not his responsibility to make that decision for you.

If you're constantly second guessing the meaning of everything he says, and reading meaning into his every action or inaction, it means you don't know him very well.

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i guess i dont know him that well. BEcause i always think he is irritated with me, even when he says he's not. I just feel like anytime i have one of these emotional sessions on the phone, i dont hear from him for a while. Even when things have gone well sometimes i dont hear from him for a while. When i date someone im used to talking to them every day.

But he's already upped the contact from what it was based on you telling him that you wanted to hear from him every couple of days. You've moved the goal post to every day. I imagine that you will always find a way to be disappointed.

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well i guess all i can do is just wait to see if he contacts me again right? If i dont hear from him for a while, i guess that means it's over?

Yes, Diana. It's OVER. It was over before it even began. The relationship didn't stand a chance. He doesn't want to deal with your emotional garbage on a daily basis and you don't know anything other than how to dish it out.

So sad.

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ok i feel better. He called and texted me. He said he was away from his desk and at meetings all day and was sorry he missed my call last night...

Oh, that's better. All is well in Diana Land . . . until tomorrow when it starts all over again.

so true


So true!

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ok now my biggest worry is-that we will not see each other this weekend. I have to try my hardest that if he tells me this, i will simpy say, ok that's fine, no big deal at all. I do like him and i dont want this to keep happening.

Also he sent me the text two hours ago, but for some reason i just got it now...he called recently though

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When you feel the urge to whine, cry, complain, or ply him with guilt trips about your feelings, STOP YOURSELF. Remain cheerful and pleasant.

Can you do it? I don't think so.

If we started a pool, I think everyone here would be placing bets on how soon it will be before you whine something like this to him: "You just don't want to spend time with me," OR "You don't have to spend time with me if you don't want to;" OR "You don't want to have sex with me," OR "Is there any chance that you will want a serious relationship with me?" ETC.

I would wager one of the sentences above, or a form thereof, will be passing from your lips and into his ears or sent to him via email or text messaging within the next 24 hours.

Can you prove me wrong?

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no i'm not going to get upset. I'll be disappointed to myself, but not to him.

I've posted my problems with him on other boards and people have told me to just walk away from this situation because he's not giving me what i need.

Diana:

The problem is that you haven't figured out what you truly need.

You really don't need a man to call you everyday and to smother you with compliments and attention and to take you out and have sex with you every weekend in order to be happy.

Until you learn to love yourself, respect yourself, and rely upon yourself for your own happiness -- you won't ever get what you need.

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If you need to know what you're doing on the weekend by Tuesday or Wednesday then next week make your plans to do something else on Tuesday or Wednesday. When he calls on Thursday tell him you already have plans but you could see him the following Saturday at 5:30. He's either available or he isn't. You need plans, make them. They don't need to include him.

He called and sent you a text and all was happy. The next words out of your mouth were "I'm worried that I won't see him this weekend." As soon as you have something to be happy about, you found something to worry about. Do you see the pattern?

Anti-anxiety drugs do not cure anxiety disorders. When taken at the proper dosage they allow you to function while pursuing treatment. The underlying anxieties will not go away by the meds alone. Until you reach the point where you are ready to make the effort to deal with the underlying anxiety disorder you will not be able to break this cycle. It's not about meds Diana, it's about training your brain to turn off the 'what if' thinking and redirecting your thought processes to a more positive direction. It will take time and effort but you can do it. It really comes down to wanting this pattern to continue or being willing to put the energies into stopping it.

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Ain't no chance in hell I'd bet against you on this one Debra! You truly have the patience of a saint....and J_B as well. I tried, I really did. I just poked my head in to see if the broken record had finally stopped playing the same song over and over and over and over and over again. Good luck!

Wow!

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well we talked last night, had a great conversation and we're getting together this weekend (:

Diana angel, I've read the whole thread, and it seems that you really don't listen to what people say in here.
I think you are being selfish and self-centered, this guy is dealing with his own problems right now and I think the last thing he needs is you being so needy of his attention.
Haven't you realized that your problems with this relationship are of your own creation?

You are not ready for a serious relationship, your egoism would get in the way. If you actually listened to what these people are telling you, instead of coming in here to complain, you would have put yourself on a path for a healthier outlook on life. You do need therapy, possibly even medication. You are trapped in a circle of egoism and insecurity.

Have you ever sat down and talked to him about what he's going through, about what steered him towards alcohol? I get the feeling that the time you've spent together the only thing you have done is f*ck and go on about how you need this or that, and wether he's giving you enough attention or not. These are not the qualities of a healthy relationship, I really think you should sit down and think about where this is going, most importantly, where you are taking this man. Honestly, at this moment I am more worried about your erratic behavior and where it might lead him.

Please, get some help, you are in no condition to to be part of a relationship with an alcoholic. Right now his needs, are more important than yours. If he comes to love you, the way you are right now, you could end up leading him back to drinking.

I was just about to say pretty much the same thing Eryemil just said.

Diana
You have had some excellent advice given to you here by very smart people who have taken the time to try and help you, but all that time they have put in has been completely wasted because you are not hearing anything anyone is telling you. Most of the time, you are just rambling on saying the same things over and over again without even taking the time to respond to the people who obviously cared enough to give you advice.
I guess no one was telling you what you wanted to hear, so you simply ignore them instead of seeing what's right in front of your face.
You're gonna drive this guy away for good with your me me me attitude, but hey, it's your life and it looks like you'll have to learn your lessons the hard way. After your heart ends up broken enough times, you'll figure it out ;-)

Happy trails.