what's your take on this now? long

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but in reality when a guy is really into a girl doesnt he call all the time and want a serious relationship?

Not necessarily.

If that's the kind of guy you need, you may need to look for another guy. Or, better yet, do as J_B suggests, and spend some time with your therapist talking about why you need the constant reassurance - and try learn another approach to relationships.

This is all starting to sound very familiar.

a very 'class' vibe, no?

Re: re


certainly not.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and risk stating a massive over-generalization but I would say, in reality when a guy is really into a girl he calls her every so often to keep her interested and is scared as hell to get into a serious relationship. If, per chance, he finds himself in a serious relationship he'll try to talk himself out of it before he admits to himself he's been hooked. Guys, feel free to contradict me if I'm wrong.

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I'm not class, i have read her posts and yes very similar situation, not the same person though.

I really wish i could be more independent. It's just that when i date someone i get very involved with them i guess...I really wish i was a commitmentphobe!

Almost dead on.

ehBeth, I went back to Diana's older thread for the very purpose of seeing if she was class reincarnated.

Perhaps you need to focus on yourself and not on dating, Diana.

Take a time out from dating. On purpose.

Diana78 has many older threads, most with similar issues. I once looked them up and listed them, not to be mean, but to highlight a pattern, as new posters wouldn't have that background of her anxiety of whether or not whichever fellow it is will call or text. Some of us have spoken over and over about the underlying problems of this neediness, the rush to sex and then will he call, will he call, and have basically ended up speaking with each other instead of communicating usefully with Diana.

(I hurry to add I am not always entirely against a rush to sex, but this pattern is not working here.)

Some of us have said we'd never post on one of her threads again (I can't remember if I did, might have.) And here I am posting.

A nearby professional counsellor could help you break this cycle, Diana.

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this guy is the 2nd man i've slept with in 6 years...it's not like i hop into bed with everyone

I beg your pardon, I thought there was another man between your ex (whom I seem to remember you were also still considering, but I've not gone back to see) and this one. I am not really negative about the number of attachments you've made and am sorry if it sounded that way. I am pointing out the pattern of your anxiety about whether people call you or not. To read the body of your topics, there is great emphasis on how (a) fellow is feeling about you, seemingly every minute. We all want You to feel better about you.

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boy oh boy is my patience being tested. Over the weekend he asked ME if i wanted to go out this thursday (tomorrow) this was right after he decided i shouldnt stay another night so i was annoyed. I said, i dont usually go out during the week. He said he felt irritated by my comment. To make a long story short, we talked abou things and left them as we would go out this thursday. So he called me last night, and no mention of goign out tomorrow night was made. He said he would send me an e-mail tomorrow (today) well today i sent an e-mail just saying, 'So did you still want to do something tomorrow night? We don't have to, so no pressure, but I'm just wondering since you had asked (: '

I sent this at 10am, it's 12:30 and i havent heard any type of response. I just constantly feel like i'm annoying him. Im guessing that he forgot about us having plans, or he doesnt want to anymore. Am i overreacting?

You told him you usually don't go out during the week. Why would he mention Thursday again?

That you are now asking about Thursday night would strike me as quite odd if I were the one getting the message. I'd feel like someone was trying to mess me up.

Osso, if I remember correctly, diana defines "hooking up" as something separate from "sleeping together."

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but when i left him on saturday, he was still saying we should go out thursday because he is going away this weekend or something. I just wish he'd respond to my stupid e-mail....

It's only been a couple hours. I wouldn't assume he's blowing you off, he probably hasn't even read it yet. If you haven't heard back from him by the end of the day (or maybe even midday tomorrow) then you can probably assume he isn't planning on going out tomorrow.

diana....it seems like you have a very wonderful, warm, caring, generous, honest, upfront friend in your life that cares a great deal about you and how you feel. The fact that he is being completely honest with you about what he wants, what he is able to give you at this time and that he wants to see and date you, should be a delight and not such a drama.

The last thing you would want to do, I am guessing is scare him off by asking for or displaying too much need for a strong committed relationship.

First off, and he was very honest about this....he can NOT get involved in ANY serious relationship while he is going through his twelve step program with AA. Please try to be understanding of this....this is very important to him to succeed and rather than try to sabotage his efforts, you could be supporting him.

Secondly, it is not uncommon at all for women to feel an incredibly strong bond with a man she cares about and makes love with. The human brain actually releases a peptide called Oxytocin during sex that triggers an actual physical and emotional bonding with that male partner. To understand how powerful this chemical is, it is the very same one that is released in our female brains during childbirth that allows us to form such strong bonds with our newborns. It's pretty potent stuff. Oxytocin receptors and pathways in males play less of a role in bonding.

Lastly, I am sure you are very grateful for having such a wonderful friend in this man, even if the bond you feel, never materializes to the serious commitment that you are seeking. Sometimes it is through the trials and errors of friendships that we find our best ways to relate to the opposite sex. Being a good friend, could turn into being a best friend. Being a best friend could, at some time, turn into a real relationship.

For now all I would or could suggest is enjoy the time and company that he can give to you. Don't press for more and at the same time, don't put your own life on hold. Create a circle of friends of both genders and have fun, go out and enjoy your young life now. When the time is right, it will happen.....you can't hurry love.

Best of luck....

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you're right, i should be greatful to have a new friend, it was my mistake in having sex with him i guess...i dont know what i was thinking, i guess maybe i did think we were on a road to a committed relationship...i guess not.
I am just trying not to think about him so much. It does hurt that he is not responding to my e-mail when he had originally asked to hang out tomorrow...should i send him a text? Or just assume if he's not responding, it means he doesnt want to go out?

Just leave it alone. If he wants you, he'll come to you. You're being overly needy and pushy.